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Ok, so, I was recently rereading The Crying of Lot 49 last night, specifically Chapter 3, and I do feel I have a strange hypothesis about sections of that chapter that may be a complete projection, but the more that I look into the content of the sections I will parse out in particular, and the more research that I do, the more evidence seems to fall in place that sort of freaks me out and confirms my theory. Being freaks yourselves, I thought this would be the place for me to project my world, so to speak, and see if what I’m seeing is in any way based in reality or if I’m instead way off base.
My hypothesis is that Chapter 3 of The Crying of Lot 49, and specifically the Lake Inverity/Bone charcoal/Tony JaguaFangoso Lagoon section might be subtextually about Disneyland. I have struggled to find much about these particular sections of this chapter related to Disney. I own J. Kerry Grant’s A Companion to Lot 49, have scoured the Pynchon Wiki, read the reddit post discussion for Chapter 3 of this book, and tried Googling as much about it as I could, and I haven’t found anything to suggest Disneyland, so this is either a relatively new idea or one that is inaccurate as hell. Oh, boy!
To begin, I will say, I am fascinated and obsessed with Disneyland and Disney World which is maybe why I found some of the information I found within Lot 49 to begin with. One could say I have a perverse fascination with the 2 theme parks which has led me to all manner of revelations. In the same way that Pynchon, being from what I can tell, a heretical Catholic, has a perverse fascination with the sacred through the filter of the profane, I am somehow deeply attracted to and obsessed with all things Disney even though I think they are essentially a fascist, culturally banal, destructive force. Similar to how I believe Oedipa may have with Disneyland in the novel, I “fell in love with it (41).” What can I say?
The first half of Chapter 3 which I will focus on, involves Oedipa’s continued revelations. She gets her first peek at WASTE, the Tristero, the posthorn, and the Boeing-esque Yoyodyne is introduced. The plot of the novel really starts to thicken, or to put it a different way, the tapestry, the maaswork, really starts to come together, narrative threads criss-crossing every which way in all directions at once. A resource that was helpful for much of my understanding of this chapter and even just in how I read much of Lot 49 in general is Charles Hollander’s article on the novel: “Pynchon, JFK, and the CIA.” I’ll post it below.
https://www.vheissu.net/articles/hollander_49.php
Chapter 3, according to Hollander, is where some of the first hints of JFK’s assasination are placed. According to Hollander, this chapter uses allusion, parody, analogy, and enthymeme to encode its secret message about the JFK assassination. Mike Faloppian’s Peter Pinguid Society’s Dallas chapter certainly suggests this. I mention this, partially, to say that, in a way, I could maybe call what I’m trying to figure out here “Pynchon, Disney, and the CIA,” since in many ways what I’m wrestling with is what I perceive to be many hidden references to Disney's shaddy dealings throughout 40s and 50s Californian history. Disney World, in particular, does have a direct history of involvement with the CIA with regard to how it acquired its real estate holdings, for example, which interestingly enough is what a chunk of this chapter is about when it comes to its references to Inverarity (not Disney World, but real estate holdings in general, Inverarity's more specifically).
The first section of the chapter that gave me some strange vibes regarding Disneyland was the section where Metzger, Oedipa, and the Paranoids go to Fangoso Lagoon, “one of Inverarity’s last big projects (40).” I will quote some of these sections below where these vibes first made themselves known.
“Somewhere beyond the battering, urged sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills, somehow implicit in an arrogance or bite to the smog the more inland somnolence of San Narciso did lack, lurked the sea, the unimaginable Pacific, the one to which all surfers, beach pads, sewage disposal schemes, tourist incursions, sunned homosexuality, chartered fishing are irrelevant, the hole left by the moon’s tearing-free and monument to her exile; you could not hear or smell this but it was there, something tidel began to reach feelers in past eyes and eardrums, perhaps to arouse fractions of brain current your most gossamer microelectrode is yet too gross for finding (40-41).”
This first quote stood out to me because it reminded me of the printed circuit Oedipa sees in Chapter 2. At the beginning of Chapter 2, Oedpia looks out at the landscape and sees it as deeply controlled, planned, almost machine-like or circuit-like. I don’t think this is a wildly different passage from that one. It, like the previous seciton forces the reader to ask the question: how did America come to be how it is now? This is an important question Lot 49 is always forcing its reader to ask. How did the deep conservatism or fascism creep in? Would the answer not be the subject of this book? Communication systems. What company is in charge of some of the most monopolized forms of our communication systems to this day? Disney, of course! Is this an accident? Was it planned? The malignant, magic forces referenced in Chapter 1 may have made it so, may have “urged [the] sweep of three-bedroom houses rushing by their thousands across the dark beige hills (40).” Surely the Walt Disney Company has done as much as any to reinforce suburban 3-bedroom forms of existence that have had a stranglehold on our cultural existence for so many years, than just about any, right? But this was just where I started to get the first inkling of vibes about Disneyland. To continue with another quote:
“They came in among earth-moving machines, a total absence of trees, the usual hieratic geometry, and eventually, shimmying for the sand roads, down in a helix to a sculpted body of water named Lake Inverarity. Out in it, on a round island of fill among blue wavelets, squatted the social hall, a chunky ogived and verdigrised, Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino. Oedpia fell in love with it (41).”
This is where my paranoia really got going. Much of the description of the passage above does not sound like a man-made lake or lagoon. Far from it. Lake Inverarity is described as “a round island of fill,” that contains a “social hall,” and as a “Art Nouveau reconstruction of some European pleasure-casino.” That sounds much more like Disneyland than just a man-made lake created by a real-estate developer? Also with Oedpia being a consistent parody of housewives in suburban America, it would make sense that she would fall in love with Lake Inverarity if it is, in fact, Disneyland. Plus, there might be another hint in the name Lake Inverarity itself, since it is the only holding named after Inverarity specifically, just as Disneyland is named after Disney himself. I don’t believe that Inverarity is a direct analogy for Disney specifically, but I do believe he is instead an analogy for any of the unseen hyper-capitalist forces that have come to dominate our culture, Disney clearly being one example.
And just a side note before I continue with some of my evidence. It would make complete sense, this being a novel about Southern California, its real-estate development, and history, that Pynchon would eventually have to get to Disneyland. It is a property in Southern California, that especially between 1955 and 1965 had to have HUGE influence. How could he not incorporate it even if it was only referred to passively or encoded into the references of the text (much in the same way Hollander argues that Pynchon does the same for JFK’s assassination). There is another passage that REALLY got me convinced about my above theory, the section where Manny DiPresso is discussing the bone charcoal “used in the R&D phase of the filter program. Back around the early 50’s.” Here it is:
“Presently the bodies sank and stayed where they were till the early ‘50s, when Tony Jaguar, who’d been a corporal in an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta and knew about what was at the bottom, decided among some colleagues to see what he could salvage. All they managed to come up with was bones. Out of some murky train of reasoning, which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything; and stories about Forest Lawn and the American cult of the dead; possibly some dim hope that Senator McCarthy, and others of his persuasion, in those days having achieved a certain ascendancy over the rich cretini from across the sea, would somehow refocus attention on the fallen of WWII, especially ones whose corpses had never been found; out of such labyrinth of assumed motives, Tony Jaguar decided he could surely unload his harvest of bones on some American someplace through his contacts in the “family,” known these days as Costa Nostra. He was right. An import-export firm bought the bones, sold them to a fertilizer enterprise, which may have used one or two femurs for laboratory tests but eventually decided to phase entirely into menhaden instead and transferred the remaining several tons to a holding company, which stored them in a warehouse outside of Fort Wayne, Indiana, for maybe a year before Beaconsfield got interest (47).”
When I read “which may have included the observed fact that American tourists beginning then to be plentiful, would pay good dollars for almost anything,” I could not think of anything but Disneyland. In his historiographic metafictions, Pynchon often superimposes historical realities onto present ones in order to make political, social, and religious commentary that would otherwise be inexpressible. An easy example is the fact that Gravity’s Rainbow is a novel about 1960’s America set in Britain during World War II. In the above passage, if Pynchon is superimposing the strange, seemingly random history of “an Italian outfit attached to the German force at Lago diPieta.” and is using this as an analogy, to project a world that speaks to his present day, I don’t know how Pynchon couldn’t be referring to Disneyland. The novel is set in Southern California, the place where Pynchon lived in 1965. Wouldn’t Disneyland, the rise of tourism, how that was changing the landscape of America and hijacking the “family,” its communication systems, propaganda, and culture, wouldn't all that have been on his mind? I have a few more quotes and then a possibly even more major revelation before I feel I can finally feel I’ve made my point.
Later on in the Lagoon, the Paranoids start smoking pot, and the following happens:
“[B]y holding up the glowing roaches of their cigarettes like a flipcard section at a football game, to spell out alternative S’s and O’s, attracted the attention of the Fangoso Lagoons Security Force, a garrison against the night made up of one-time cowboy actors and L.A. motorcycle cops (49).”
I believe this “one-time cowboy actor” reference to be a reference to Ronald Regan, a fixture of southern California and one-time cowboy actor, and yet another thread in the patchwork connections to Disney. On October 24, 1947, Walt Disney and Ronald Regan both testified against communism, naming particular individuals they found nefarious communists within the film industry (another communication industry, one could say) before the House of Un-American Activities Committee. Which got me thinking, with all the mob references in the above section about Lago diPeta and the bones, was Disney ever involved with the mafia or mob, with “Costa Nostra?” I didn’t find much, but I did find something extremely interesting, which also led to one final even more strange realization. Read the link below, it lays out the story of Willie Bioff, a mobster who attempted to but failed to help break up Disney’s Union Strike in the 1940’s.
https://babbittblog.com/2016/10/09/disney-and-the-mob-willie-bioff/
This may seem unrelated to Pynchon’s “parable of power,” but earlier in the chapter when Mike Fillopian is discussing Russia and America, clearly also, yet again using a historical detail as a historiographic metafiction, superimposing a historical reality onto a present one, in this case, that of the cold war, when Fillopian mentions “After the confrontation, appalled at what had to be some military alliance between Russia...and a Union that paid lip service to abolition while it kept its own industrial laborers in a kind of wage-slavery (36),” its fairly clear which side of the picket-isle Pynchon would have been during an animator strike of Disney in the 1940s, or any strike for better treatment, for that matter. In Lot 49, Pynchon has written a "parable of power" about the various ways the circuit board of American life has reinforced the indentured servitude of supposed abolitionists, which in our modern world, could easily be a stand in for the structures of neo-liberalism. And nothing on this earth is more an example of banal neoliberal capitalism than Disneyland, nothing (except for maybe Epcot, of course). This is a lot of information, and I may not have done a very good job of connecting it all or being as explicit as I could have at explaining how specific references hint at Disney throughout the chapter, and this has already become too long, HOWEVER, I have one final piece of information that blows my DAMN MIND that is likely coincidental, but which I still could not believe I found.
Inspired by the book and wanting to find more connections in the tapestry, I started doing research into Disney’s involvement with the FBI and found some public records about his direct involvement with them on the FBI's website. Walt Disney was a SAC (Special Agent in Charge) for the FBI, according to these documents, for a period of time, interestingly enough, in the late 50s. There are literal letters to Disney from J. Edgar Hoover himself to Disney in these documents. I’ll post them below along with a number of other links that discuss Disney’s connection to the FBI, the last one being particularly fascinating in its connections to the novel.
https://vault.fbi.gov/walter-elias-disney/walter-elias-disney-part-01-of-03/view
http://www.schaakstukkenmuseum.nl/?p=2195&lang=en
http://jfk.hood.edu/Collection/Weisberg%20Subject%20Index%20Files/F%20Disk/FBI/FBI%20Press%20Use%20Of/Item%2009.pdf
https://www.mouseplanet.com/8987/The_Mickey_Mouse_Club_FBIs_Most_Wanted
I very much suggest looking at the Mouse Planet link above. If you have read The Crying of Lot 49 and know who Baby Igor and Metzger is, I VERY MUCH SUGGEST IT. Upon reading this and looking at all the other material, I discovered that there was a child-star, mentioned specifically in these documents, that was to be the child used in a set of documentaries Disney was to make as propaganda films for the FBI specifically, promoting them to the public in 1958. This child’s name was Dirk Metzger. I shit you not. His name was METZGER and he was a child star whose father was in the military. READ THE ARTICLE. His daddy, his doggy, and HIM! And guess what, look at what his profession became after being a child actor in these films? Guess it was: he became a lawyer!!! Baby Igor himself! In the flesh!? Look at the article. It’s all there. I can’t fucking believe it!? Now, I admit, this is all probably just a coincidence. Being 14 in 1958 would put Metzger at being only 21 or so in 1965 when the Crying of Lot 49 came out, so it is unlikely that this is exactly what I think it is, a direct, real, historical correlation, but who knows? Pynchon lived in California at the time. Who knows whom or what he may have come across...
Maybe I’m seeing things that aren’t there. Maybe Disneyland is nowhere to be found in the California of The Crying of Lot 49. Maybe this is all, as Hilarius would say, a Rorsoch blot. Maybe I’m simply hallucinating. I will say though, either way, I do think the political exigence of The Crying of Lot 49 has done its work on me. Even if this is only an ink blot, a world I’m projecting rather than one that is actually there, I have certainly done more thinking about Disney, its union-busting, suburban-infused. McCarthy-ian underbelly than I have, maybe ever, and that power, and Pynchon's parable of power he wrote in reaction to it, is something that is very much alive and with us today, it is a power that is still creating indentured servitude and whose malignant, “formless magic” is igniting all around us. Hopefully I, like Oedpia, have gotten a little closer to understanding how it works and counting its line of force. Maybe,
“If the tower is everywhere and the knight of deliverance no proof against its magic, what else?”

So I've been brainstorming a SiIvaGunner Metroidvania and its sequel. There's 2D and 3D exploration, a day night cycle that affects the difficulty, and the sequel has DLC and a boss rush area. Most of the major bosses are KFaD contestants in HQR I and KFaD2 contestants in HQR II respectively. In case you wanna know the boss order and their dungeons, here they are! But first I have to explain why they're ordered in this way. In HQR I, they're ordered by tournament placing, but in HQR II, the veterans are ordered by HQR I order, somewhat, but the newcomers are ordered by winners bracket placing. HQR I 1_ Weird Al Yankovic (Albuquerque) 2_ DJ Professor K (Tokyo-To) 3_ Will Smith (Bel-Air (Mansion)) 4_ Pitbull (Mount Pitbull (Summit)) 5Dancing Alien Team (Dancing Alien Flotilla) 6_Ajit Pai (FCC) 7 Geno (Forest Maze) 8_ Solid Snake (Shadow Moses Island) 9_ Etika (Stanton Island) 10_ ZUN (Gensokyo) 11_ Thanos (Titan) 12_ Wario Bros. (Ratl Ruins) 13_ King Dedede (Castle Dedede) 14_ Reggie Fils-Aimé (Nintendo HQ) 15_ Off the Hook ft. Glenna Nalira (Inkopolis (Night)) 16_ Unregistered Hypercam 2 (Paralyzer Temple) HQR II 1_ Weird Al Yankovic (Albuquerque) 2_ DJ Professor K (Tokyo-To) 3_ Will Smith (Bel-Air (Mansion)) 4_ Pitbull and the Aliens Dancing 5_ Metal Ajit Pai (FCC (B2F)) 6_ Geno (Forest Maze) 7_ Solid Snake (Shadow Moses Island) 8_ ZUN (Gensokyo) 9_ Thanos (Disneyland (After Hours) 10_ Wario Partners LLC (Diamond City) 11_ King Dedede (Castle Dedede) 12_ Nintendo Power (Nintendo HQ) 13_ Off the Hook ft. Paruko (Inkopolis (Night)) 14_ Mariya Takeuchi (Future Funk City (Upper Level)) 15_ Adam Levine (Overexposed Heights) 16_ Johnny Bravo (CN City) 17_ Quote (Balcony) 18_ Papyrus (Snowdin Town (Dungeon)) 19_ Dr. Robotnik (Eggmanland) 20_ Rhythm Masters (Rhythm Heaven) 21_ Eminem (Mount Eminem (Deepest Cave)) 22_ MissingNo. (World -1 (???<<#$@aaaaggutghghhjk)) 23_ HOBaRT (Outback Steakhouse) 24_ Nico Nico (Nico Nico Douga) 25_ Mr. Krabs (Krusty Krab) 26_ Donkey Kong (Kongo Bongo Island) 27_ Jack Bros. (Casino of Envy) 28_ Jack and Elmo (Sesame Street) 29_ Dr. Piccolo (Glassa Medical Hospital) 30_ The Jazz Cats (Barkley's College of SLAM!) 31_ Daft Punk ft. Pharrell (Daft City (Gru's House)) 32_ Law & Disorder (Hope's Peak Academy) 33_ MissingNo. [D A T A E X P U N G E D] (ZZAZZ's Domain) 34_ Law & Disorder [Despair Forme] (Hope's Peak Ruins) 35_ Mariya Takeuchi [Plastic God Mode] (Neon Future Funk City) 36_ DJ Professor K and his Jet Set Radiooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (Tokyo-To (Gates To NiGHTopia))

tl;dr: I usually end up dating people who have more past sexual experience than I do, and it always REALLY bothers me. Any advice on getting over it?
Alright, the TL;DR sums it up, and it's an age-old question that's probably been posted 1000 times on this subreddit. But I'll give some backstory that potentially makes my situation a bit different. I have to add that also, I'm honestly really embarrassed by how emotional I get about this. I KNOW that it's a kind of ridiculous thing to be upset about.
I was in an abusive relationship from ages 14-18. I don't want to go into detail because it's extremely painful to talk about, but I was quite mentally and emotionally affected by it for many years. Since then I've had a couple fairly normal long-term relationships, as well as my current relationship to my wonderful boyfriend.
I have a "no talking about exes, ever" rule in relationships because I get EXTREMELY jealous. It's... it's really just ridiculous. I remember that one of my previous boyfriends had an ex named Rachel, and I felt sick to my stomach every time I heard the name, even if it was just a character on a TV show. I couldn't watch FRIENDS because it made me too upset! And of course, now that I'm not dating that guy anymore, it seems so ridiculous and crazy... If a boyfriend tells a story about getting pasta with an ex, I won't be able to eat pasta on dates anymore. If a boyfriend went to Vegas with an ex, I feel sick to my stomach any time Nevada, casinos, or gambling is mentioned. If a boyfriend met a girl at a theme park, I'll spend the next several hours in a bad mood every time I hear the word "disneyland". I could go on, but I think you get the idea, which is that I have a pretty friggin' severe overreaction to this kind of thing.
This may sound weird, but I think that the way I react to it is similar to the way people would react if they were trying to stay in a relationship with someone who had cheated on them. It's like my subconscious just can't make the temporal distinction between "things that happened during my current relationship" and "things that happened five goddamn years before my current relationship". I just keep obsessively, involuntairly, picturing whoever I'm dating with someone else. And it upsets me, but I can't stop doing it. Ironically I'm not even a jealous person within the confines of a relationship: I'm never upset by boyfriends spending time alone with female friends, or saying that other women are objectively attractive, etc. It's just this one weird hangup I have about exes.
Now, I know that most monogamous people don't like the mental image of their SO being with exes. It's natural for people to be a bit uncomfortable with that mental image. But as you can see, I take it WAY TOO FAR. And for some reason, it's even worse when I find out that I'm dating someone who's had a one-night stand (or multiple one-night-stands) in their past before they started dating me. I get so upset about it that it's honestly embarrassing, so let's just say that it involves crying, a lot of crying, and a deep feeling of revulsion.
I KNOW that there is nothing wrong with two consenting adults having a one-night stand. There's nothing to be ashamed of. There's nothing for me to be disgusted by. I'm actually a very liberal person: several of my friends are in the lgbt/poly and/or kink communities, and I'm totally fine with judgment-free discussions of other people's sex lives. I'm the kind of person who high-fives her guy friends when they talk about trying a new type of bdsm play, not the kind of person who's disgusted by extremely vanilla sexual activites! ...except, apparently, when they're things that my significant other has done.
I just found out that my current boyfriend has had multiple one-night stands and it's upset me so much that I've spent the past couple of days crying. It feels like he's not the same person anymore, somehow. I've never had a one-night stand and I've also never wanted one, so it's hard for me to put myself in the shoes of people who have had them.
My mind just can't reconcile his calm, respectful personailty - the guy who's always so careful to not trigger memories of my past abuse, who's always so focused on consent and making sure I'm comfortable with everything -** I can't reconcile it with him describing the times he desperately spent entire nights trying to put on an act to convince "gross chicks" to have sex with him because he was just so horny that anything would do.** (I'm not making assumptions, this is how he described it to me! Also, I made that line bold because I think it's an important line in this massive wall-of-text. I keep having that thought flashing across my mind - how could he be the same person?) I can't even wrap my mind around what it would feel like to desire sex just for the sake of sex, and it gives me this weird incredibly-hard-to-describe feeling. I just... I'm not sure how to even put it into words. It "triggers" me a bit, because it reminds me of my awful ex who always looked at me with this look like he was hungry and also like I was just an object. I get this mental image of my boyfriend having that same hungry look while staring at some girl and thinking of her as just an object who can satisfy him, too. It awakens this primal feeling of fear and disgust in me. Fear of the unknown. And disgust because it makes me feel lesser, somehow, like maybe he sometimes looks at me with hunger instead of love and I don't feel okay with that even though I know I should (because who doesn't physically desire the person they're dating?)
I think the problem is also very much caused by jealousy in the sense that I'm jealous of people who are mentally "normal" enough that they feel a desire for one-night stands. I'm jealous of people who spent ages 18-25 having a normal interest in sex instead of the misery that I went through. I'm jealous that, years ago, my boyfriend was hanging out at parties trying to pick up chicks while I was sitting at home crying and trying to figure out a way to get out of the abusive relationship I was in. It's stupid that I'm jealous of people who have had something that I've never even wanted, but I feel like I've missed out on life somehow by never having that experience. Even though, I know that if I was single right now, I wouldn't even want to have one. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?
I hope I haven't made myself sound like a horrible person by writing this post. Like I said, I know that one-night stands are not disgusting in any way!!! But I just have this FEELING of digust that I can't get rid of. Please don't reply telling me that I'm a jerk who thinks too highly of herself, or something. I KNOW that I have an unhealthy thought process, here.
So my question is... well, I've already tried therapy for years with multiple therapists and it was totally useless. (They all focused on the "breathe deely and be mindful of your thoughts" strategy which I believe is CBT?) I've also read posts on reddit asking this question a few times, and they always get the same non-answer of "it's okay for it to be a dealbreaker if you want it to be."
I don't want it to be a dealbreaker. But it's so difficult for me to not get upset about this issue. I feel stuck. I feel helpless. This issue I have, with being unable to even hear about exes, was one of the main reasons my last relationship ended (my previous boyfriend had a mid-20's number of past sexual partners) and I don't want it to poison this one too.
*So I want your advice and also just to hear your stories. Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you deal with it? What helped? What didn't help? What did you regret? I'm hoping that someone will have some kind of answer, some inspirational quote or story, that gives me a new way to rationalize things and make me feel okay with them. I think that's the type of help that I really want: I want a mantra that I can use to remind myself that this is all normal and okay and that I have nothing to be upset about. I want a new way to wrap my brain around things, a new perspective. *
Thanks, all, for reading my incredibly long post. Just typing it out helped me feel a bit better already. It's something I feel too embarrassed to talk about in real life (obviously, because it's a ridiculous problem), so having people online to talk to is great.

The city fathers can't be trusted to tell you what to do with your free time. The city mothers can, but I haven't been all that good listening to her since she called my girlfriend a whore when I brought her home for Thanksgiving. My sister brought her girlfriend home for Christmas and didn't catch shit, but mom may have just missed the concept. She thought the reason they shared a single set of dangly earrings was just fashion, and suggesting that they import the trend onto the next American Girl doll line. But I digress. The Chamber of Commerce is real helpful with civic sponsored festivals and all that, telling you how safe street vibrations is or how interesting the walking tour of old houses converted into lawyers offices can be. Most Renovians don't need me to tell them they are irredeemably full of crap, so what are we to do? Well, here are a few things you can and should avoid and something close enough that's worth your time, money or morals.
The Modern Art Museum. Don't call it that though: It is the "Nevada Museum of ART", and county ordinance requires any resident hearing it referred to differently to punch the offender in the crotch. Renovians gush about this enormous black building that looks like a badly failed baking experiment or an office tower t retrofitters didn't get to before the quake of aught three.

 The building is enormous and contains almost no art. Seriously, there are two very small walking galleries containing the 13# th most important collection of unknown 19# th century American painters west of the Rockies and an exhibit space hosting some minimalists traveling show or (more often) damn all nothing. 

It is impressive to people who have never been to a real art museum in a real metropolitan city or attended an auction preview at Butterfield & Butterfield. The only truly impressive space in the whole building is the café, which serves a damned fine weekend brunch.
Instead, go to the National Car Museum, once known as the Harrah's Collection. I'm not a car person, but even I find this place impressive. They have more cars on display than the NMU has bits of canvas, their descriptions are more insightful and seriously, isn't Reno more of a car town?
The Great Nugget rib cook off. Man, this used to be a great event twenty years ago. As an American white male I would gladly eat every meal of my life in meat-sickle form, and a venue where you wander from one booth to the next with a frozen margarita in one hand and a bone in another gets nine points out of ten (ten if you can get someone to wheel you around to the booths).
It's an event killed by its own success and has been a waste of our time for ten years now. First, you don't wander any more, you stand around. It takes half an hour to negotiate any food line except kettle corn, and I didn't come to a rib cook off for fucking kettle corn. Lines go full Disneyland for the prime eating hours, you may need to pack a lunch. Second, it is very pricey for what you get, you're going to pay twice what you pay for a rack anywhere else, buying it two meat-sickles at a time. Finally, the quality of Que has dropped as mass production has kicked up and the joints around town have markedly bumped up their games. Dave's BBQ, Men Wielding Fire, Brothers, Carolina's, all are better than the average competitor. Instead, go to Virginia City for the Camel and Ostrich races. Virginia City is a lot more fun to wander around with a beer than Sparks, and watching some kid try to stay on top of a panicking ostrich for a hundred yards is much better bang for the buck than watching the two remaining members Whitesnake lead the new singer through the bands thirty year old hits.
Virginia Street Casinos. Renovians don't go to the casinos much to begin with, unless like me they have discovered that the buffets are an adequate substitute for the bankrupt Fresh Choice franchise. You end up there because friends are visiting from out of town, or you work there, or you need a not nasty toilet during the middle of the Italian Festival (rebranded from Columbus Day).
A shame really, many of the casinos offer good entertainment, a clean safe environment, a lot better food choices at three in the morning than elsewhere and prime people watching. And there's few better places to watch a big game than on sixty screens in a sports book.
It's just that the downtown casinos make us want to cry. Virginia Street hasn't been walkable for years. It's stuffed with T-shirt shops, vagrants, pawn shops, drunks, tattoo parlors, derelict old motels, mentally ill vagrant drunks, and lots of flat vacant space. Take your friends to the Grand Sierra or the Peppermill or the Atlantis. Being isolated by themselves they are somewhat lifeless and anticeptic, but at least they don't make you want to cry.
All these fucking Tahoe franchises. This town has its own traditional eateries, why does every venture in Truckee believe that Reno is a mecca for over priced casual foods? BurgerMe makes a fine burger, but it just makes burgers. Beach hut Deli makes a fine sandwich, but it just makes sandwiches. Squeeze In makes a fine hippy style omelet, but breakfast is the one meal Reno does right without any help. I have no idea what RedHut is doing here, it doesn't do anything well.
The only things these businesses have in common are that their prices are way, way too high for Reno, they're Tahoe prices, and there's just as good or better home grown storefronts selling better for cheaper.
Burning Man. This one is a bit of a cheat, because Renovians by and large never did burning man. Reno is already dry, hot and windy, the last thing we're going to do is go 'hmmm… I bet if we drive an hour out into the god forsaking desert we can find a waterless waste that has all this and more dust to boot!'
Most Renovians have more sense than this. No, Burning man was the bastard offspring of Bay Area ex hippies and RenFaire refugees in the late eighties and early nineties. Tired of being squeezed out of their own festivals, the Black Rock Desert was a conscious choice of a god forsaken patch nobody else would ever want, where they could go to be artsy freaks to their heart's content. Too bad watching artsy freaks and pretending you are one is so popular, and that they've been bumped again, but hey, there's plenty of waterless hell holes in Nevada, go find another one. Instead, you should do anything else that involves trees, running water and less dust.
4# th of July Nugget fireworks. Hey, even the nerdy, bullied kids need someone to look down on. Reno's uber dweeb is Sparks. As a transplant myself, I am puzzled and amazed that Sparks is and remains a separate municipality. The burg just doesn't seem to have an independent existence. It's like if South Meadows broke off and founded the new city of Double Diamond. The answer of course is that its old, the town started many years ago when Reno itself was little more than a toll bridge and fuck you if you think we're giving it up now.
Mostly, we just think of it as a seedy part of Reno now, regardless of what their city charter and police cars say. It seems like the only prosperous businesses in the whole town are the In and Out Burger, and the Nugget. The Nugget tries to breath life into Victorian Square, though the movie theater just closed down and they're building new condos over most of their event parking, but they try. One of the ways they try is by owning the fourth of July lately.
It hasn't always been so. Until the '08 recession, the better display was put on by Reno, out at Rancho San Rafael Park. Ever since then the city has cheaped out, mumbling something about how the Aces will shoot off something if the team is in town, and letting Star Spangled Sparks hold the field.
A shame, because there are very few places less suited to a fireworks display than Victorian Square. There's no grass to sit on. They don't turn off the street lights, so all the fireworks are muted and washed out. The post show traffic jam is epic. It's time for Reno to remember that they want to be a city again and grow a pair. The '08 recession is over, buy some god damned fireworks.
Finally, Hot August Nights. Instead, do Hot August Nights. This event is spread all over Reno and Sparks, and how much you enjoy it will be determined by what venues you choose and what cars you look at. Choose wisely.

Subreddit	Title	Brand
todayilearned	TIL Google Made an AI Chatbot That Debates the Meaning of Life	Google
todayilearned	TIL ABC has been cutting scenes from "A Charlie Brown Christmas", a movie about the excessive commercialization of Christmas, to make room for more commercials.	ABC
AskReddit	What does the United States represent in the history of mankind?	United
news	Video appears to show Uber self-driving car running red light in SF	Uber
AskReddit	What's the best way to lure a frog out from behind the dashboard of a Toyota Camry?	Toyota
worldnews	It's new and it's bad: Yahoo discloses 1B account breach	Yahoo
Showerthoughts	At this point, Google is probably SkyNet. And I'm ok with that.	Google
AskReddit	If Google were to announce new features to their search engine, where any phrase searched will yield matching content from a parallel dimension in which it exists in huge numbers, making everything exist, what would you google?	Google
todayilearned	TIL Taco Bell sold 100 Million Doritos Locos tacos in the first 10 weeks. It took McDonald's 18 years to sell the same amount of burgers	McDonald's
todayilearned	TIL Taco Bell sold 100 Million Doritos Locos tacos in the first 10 weeks. It took McDonald's 18 years to sell the same amount of burgers	Bell
AskReddit	What has the United States contributed to the world?	United
WritingPrompts	WP Your day has taken a turn for the worst. The ATM at Wells Fargo was broken so you had to go inside. The teller has an offer for something other than credit cards or loans....	Wells Fargo
Jokes	Did you hear about Yahoo today?	Yahoo
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Why is censoring on Facebook, Twitter, Reddit, or even banning products on Amazon, or eBay considered an assault on "Freedom of Speech"?	eBay
funny	Guy thinks that KFC and McDonald's are responsible for 9/11...	McDonald's
funny	Guy thinks that KFC and McDonald's are responsible for 9/11...	KFC
pics	Galaxy Note 7 + Ford Pinto	Ford
AskReddit	What's the thing that that person on Facebook just won't stop shitposting about?	Facebook
Futurology	APNewsBreak: California Regulators: Uber Must Stop Self-Driving Car Service in San Francisco Until It Gets State Permit	Uber
Showerthoughts	If you're a woman named Siri, Apple products must be incredibly annoying to own	Apple
pics	These people have the McDonald's arches in their Christmas display	McDonald's
AskReddit	Which Facebook people are worse: Those who post pictures of Pablo Escobar and point out there are no Jordans in that photo or frat boys who post inspirational success quotes over a picture of Wolf of Wall Street?	Facebook
photoshopbattles	PsBattle: Apple CEO Tim Cook in a meeting with Trump	Apple
Showerthoughts	Uber drivers are so dependent on GPS that they're such crappy drivers! Machines 1: Uber drivers 0	Uber
Showerthoughts	My only thought when I heard 1 Billion Yahoo accounts were hacked. There are a billion Yahoo users? Why?!	Yahoo
worldnews	USA -- California Orders Uber To Stop Driverless Program	Uber
AskReddit	Serious Where can a person go within the continental United States to see breathtaking views of the stars?	United
worldnews	Japan parliament legalises casinos - BBC News	BBC
videos	Awesome Youtube Interview that went Wrong NSFW?	Youtube
worldnews	The head of U.S. forces fighting Islamic State said on Wednesday the United States may target weapons seized by the group when it captured the Syrian city of Palmyra, adding the equipment posed a danger to the U.S.-led coalition in the region	United
AskReddit	Why shouldn't everyone like Google as much as they do?	Google
AskReddit	What option does a smartphone user have to get away from big Daddy Google and Facebook tracking them?	Google
AskReddit	What option does a smartphone user have to get away from big Daddy Google and Facebook tracking them?	Facebook
news	Owner of dog charged after abandoning it with 42-pound tumor at Newport beach vet	Newport
explainlikeimfive	ELI5 why Yahoo is still a valued company	Yahoo
videos	Driverless Uber running red light	Uber
AskReddit	What Youtube channel has died, or is very close to dying?	Youtube
pics	I work at a Walgreens and was outside doing the trashes and cleaning up when I came across this at the Redbox! I saw it from farther away thinking it was trash because people always leave trash on top of the Redbox. https://imgur.com/a/Ge6aE	Walgreens
pics	The marsh of Hilton Head, South Carolina OC 3024x4032	Hilton
todayilearned	TIL How Racism, Hatred and Arrogance led to Marijuana Prohibition in the United States of America.	United
pics	My brother got to the front page today with his picture from Paris on is iPhone, so here's my picture of Chi Lin Nursery in Hong Kong on my Sony A5000...	Sony
news	Massive Atlantic wave sets record, says World Meteorological Organization - BBC News	BBC
personalfinance	Someone bought $300 worth of gift cards through my Target account	Target
AskReddit	Why doesn't Google name their year review videos Zeitgeist anymore?	Google
AskReddit	If Apple made their own car, what "features" would the car have?	Apple
Futurology	Artificial Intelligence Could Help Prevent Subway Suicide Attempts	Subway
personalfinance	Cars: Hyundai Accent	Hyundai
aww	My new Arla in a sweater	Arla
funny	Meanwhile on Yahoo answers...	Yahoo
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Why can't tech companies like Yahoo protect their data from hackers?	Yahoo
AskReddit	What are some decent alternatives to the Apple Watch that would work on my iphone?	Apple
news	The islands in the way of WW2 peace deal between Russia and Japan - BBC News	BBC
EarthPorn	The marsh of Hilton Head, South Carolina OC 3024x4032	Hilton
pics	Sent to me immediately after my Xbox shut down. Obviously not from Microsoft?!?	Xbox
AskReddit	What are specific examples of institutional racism in the United States?	United
funny	After spending all his Toy Story money on hookers and blow, Woody takes the bus to his new job at McDonald's 2016	McDonald's
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Why are most website's search engines not very effective or accurate looking at you Reddit but search engines like Google are very effective?	Google
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Everytime Target got hacked they provided free fraud alert services to their customers to monitor credit activity, what's the deal with Yahoo?	Target
todayilearned	TIL that South Korea has the fastest internet speeds in the world. the United States isn't even in the top 10	United
funny	There is something so comedic about expecting your boneless wings and being served Tyson chicken nuggets	Tyson
Music	Agent Orange - BloodStains Skate Punk 1981	Orange
mildlyinteresting	You can watch Pornhub on BMW cars	BMW
AskReddit	Why are you or aren't you Facebook friends with an ex?	Facebook
news	SEC asks Wells Fargo to explain loan accounting practices	Wells Fargo
AskReddit	How come no one ever talks about the United States' "war on two fronts" in WW2 Europe and the Pacific?	United
funny	My friend made a save the earth Facebook post, but look what's in her hand!	Facebook
movies	I imagined and mixed a Guardians of the Galaxy Awesome Mix Vol. 2, for anyone who was looking to catch those vibes again Spotify, Youtube playlist	Youtube
Music	I imagined and mixed a Guardians of the Galaxy Awesome Mix Vol. 2, for anyone who was looking to catch those vibes again Spotify, Youtube playlist	Youtube
AskReddit	What should you never Google but always Bing?	Google
Music	17 Million Video Views on Facebook means zilch to these young artists!	Facebook
funny	I got a little frustrated with my Apple support guy...	Apple
AskReddit	What Google keyword or phrase will soon lose it's search ranking?	Google
gaming	What are some great indie Xbox One games that you would suggest?	Xbox
funny	The MTV generation	MTV
mildlyinteresting	My McDonald's lid is slightly of center.	McDonald's
Jokes	What should you never Google but always Bing?	Google
pics	Taxi dashcam shows self driving Uber running a red light, above self driving Uber promotion video on YouTube	Uber
videos	Driverless Uber running red light	Uber
videos	My take on Youtube Rewind: Wasn't 2016 A Challenge?	Youtube
worldnews	Do this now if you're a Yahoo user	Yahoo
funny	Too much Irony +Video of Uber running red is a Taxi dashcam	Uber
worldnews	US boy buried alive under tonnes of snow - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	University to lower entry grades for poor - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	The 'selfie firm' worth $4.6bn - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	'One billion' affected by Yahoo hack - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	'One billion' affected by Yahoo hack - BBC News	Yahoo
videos	I always felt JT's "Can't Stop the Feeling" song was perfect for an 80's Sprite commercial. Check it out....	Sprite
Jokes	Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S	United
Futurology	The Great A.I. Awakening NY Times article about the recent change in Google translate capabilities now that they've moved to neural networks & machine learning	Google
worldnews	Argos drivers suspend Christmas strike - BBC News	BBC
Music	A compilation of 10 Classic MTV videos. Tom Petty, Run DMC, The Go-Gos.	MTV
worldnews	Teenager awarded £6,000 over service station sexual harassment claim - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	What new companies today do you see becoming the next Google in 20 years?	Google
Music	Archie Bell & The Drells - Tighten Up R&B 1968	Bell
gaming	Pokemon Omega Ruby Gameplay Citra 3DS Emulator	Omega
tifu	TIFU by opening up Facebook instead of Reddit when I woke up to get my daily dose of internet.	Facebook
funny	Promised my daughter an Xbox One, think I did okay.	Xbox
movies	Chris Stuckmann's review of Collateral Beauty reveals the actual plot of the film Warner Bros. is trying to hide.	Warner Bros.
videos	Homemade Subway Beef Sandwich Recipe - How to make subway sandwich with beef - Delicious	Subway
AskReddit	Those of you who for or with the White House and the president of the United States, what's your average day like?	United
AskReddit	How screwed are you if all the Facebook conversations are leaked online?	Facebook
television	Ghost In Shell 2017 Full Movie Cast and anime	Shell
worldnews	Austrian MPs vote to seize Hitler's birthplace house - BBC News	BBC
news	Austrian MPs vote to seize Hitler's birthplace house - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	Just Eat gobbles up Hungry House for £200m - BBC News	BBC
explainlikeimfive	ELI5:If Apple keeps patenting everything they make, then how can other companies still copy the same thing? Like TouchID for example. They started it and now many phones have it.	Apple
gaming	Minecraft Vacant Sky 1.10.2 Skyblock Timelapse	Sky
worldnews	'One billion' affected by Yahoo hack - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	'One billion' affected by Yahoo hack - BBC News	Yahoo
worldnews	In pictures: The Art of Building 2016 - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	New spider species resembles Harry Potter 'Sorting Hat' - BBC News	BBC
worldnews	Top US Republican Senator Graham accuses Russia of hacking his email - BBC News	BBC
Futurology	Why the United Nations Must Move Forward With a Killer Robots Ban - Australian Professor of AI	United
gaming	The Apple of f***ing Eden Assassins Creed	Apple
mildlyinteresting	I work at UPS and found this tiny package.	UPS
AskReddit	You can control Google for a day - What do you do?	Google
worldnews	Hackers Stole Data From More Than 1 Billion Yahoo Users	Yahoo
pics	Western Australia Harvest Shot on a Google Pixel	Google
mildlyinteresting	Apparantly I have been rewarded by United Nations.	United
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: How'd the Yahoo "hacking" happen?	Yahoo
IAmA	AMA Request someone who works in cyber security, preferably to talk about the Yahoo attack	Yahoo
AskReddit	WHY should the HP spectre x360 get bought in preference to the lenovo yoga 910?	lenovo
pics	The Coca-Cola truck is at my college town today.	Coca-Cola
WritingPrompts	WP Gandalf the Grey is the most wanted man in the United States, and the LAPD just got a hot tip on his location.	United
OldSchoolCool	A man inside a stuck Renault FT-17 1920s - 1940s	Renault
mildlyinteresting	The Coca-Cola truck is at my town today.	Coca-Cola
dataisbeautiful	Vintage Film Reborn! The Film Detective Launches on Roku, Amazon Fire TV & Apple TV	Apple
photoshopbattles	PsBattle: A transonic United States Navy Blue Angels F/A-18 Hornet fighter jet flying slightly below Mach 1 on 9 October 2005 in San Francisco, California, USA.	United
AskReddit	So how many Yahoo accounts do you have? And gmail, outlook, hotmail etc.?	Yahoo
Showerthoughts	I've been shopping at Carrefour for 10+ years but only now I've realized there's a C in its logo.	Carrefour
pics	[Pumpkins United – HELLOWEEN	Pumpkins United: 24 Years later](https://www.reddit.com/pics/comments/5ih8w4/pumpkins_united_â_helloween_pumpkins_united_24/)
Art	Taylor Hill Victoria's Secret Speed Painting	Victoria's Secret
EarthPorn	Duck rock, Chiricahuas, South East Arizona, United States of America c SOUTHWEST ADVENTURER OS3264×2448	United
AskReddit	How did Google get its name? Is there some kind of history behind the name 'Google' or was it just a random choice?	Google
funny	I was afraid that I had something important on my Yahoo account that got released in the recent hack, but after seeing what my username was I felt less worried.	Yahoo
Music	Alice In Chains - Rotten Apple Grunge	Apple
todayilearned	TIL a shipping container filled with millions of Lego pieces fell into the sea off Cornwall in 1997. But instead of remaining at the bottom of the ocean, they are still washing up on Cornish beaches today.	Lego
Art	Taylor Hill Victoria's Secret Speed Painting	Victoria's Secret
gaming	Playing Pokemon Omega Ruby on Citra 3DS Emulator	Omega
AskReddit	Why is Youtube allowed to earn revenue from illegally uploaded content?	Youtube
television	Murdoch's Fox agrees deal to buy Sky for $14.6 bln	Sky
television	Broadcaster Sky and the board of 21st Century Fox reach agreement on the terms of a takeover by 21st Century Fox	Sky
television	Broadcaster Sky and the board of 21st Century Fox reach agreement on the terms of a takeover by 21st Century Fox	21st Century Fox
worldnews	Broadcaster Sky and the board of 21st Century Fox reach agreement on the terms of a takeover by 21st Century Fox	Sky
worldnews	Broadcaster Sky and the board of 21st Century Fox reach agreement on the terms of a takeover by 21st Century Fox	21st Century Fox
worldnews	Sky and 21st Century Fox seal takeover deal - valuing the company at £18.5bn	21st Century Fox
philosophy	[Teaching philosophy at school isn’t just good pedagogy – it helps to safeguard society	Aeon Videos](https://www.reddit.com/philosophy/comments/5iheq6/teaching_philosophy_at_school_isnt_just_good/)
funny	This guy makes low budget cosplay photos on his Facebook page, Lowcostcosplay	Facebook
news	Murdoch's Fox agrees deal to buy Sky for $14.6 billion.	Sky
news	The bank lent me $2m so I spent it on strippers and cars - BBC News	BBC
videos	Voices behind The Simpsons - James Lipton interviews the cast, who stay in character throughout	Lipton
movies	Toby Emmerich Named Warner Bros. President and Chief Content Officer, Greg Silverman Ousted	Warner Bros.
news	VIDEO: Police drag woman off Delta Airlines flight in Detroit	Delta
news	Murdoch's Fox agrees deal to buy Sky for $14.6 billion	Sky
news	Carjacker In Detroit Targets FedEx Truck With More Than 200 Packages	FedEx
news	Sky and 21st Century Fox agree £18.5bn takeover deal - BBC News	BBC
news	Sky and 21st Century Fox agree £18.5bn takeover deal - BBC News	21st Century Fox
worldnews	Murdoch's Fox agrees deal to buy Sky for $14.6 billion	Sky
Music	I imagined a Guardians of the Galaxy Awesome Mix Vol. 2, for anyone who was looking to catch those vibes again Spotify, Youtube playlist	Youtube
news	Former WWE wrestler body-slams armed robber - BBC News	BBC
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: Yahoo hacker	Yahoo
worldnews	Yahoo hack: Should I panic? - BBC News	BBC
AskReddit	Why does United Way, around this time of the year, make so many people angry? Horror stories?	United
pics	Not my best snow man but I can already hear him saying omelette au fromage	au
videos	Woman backs into rare Ferrari 458 at local Car meet In Virginia!	Ferrari
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: How is it that the United States is a secular state but the phrase "In God We Trust" still appears on our money and in the House Chamber	United
EarthPorn	Salt Flats Chase 4245 × 2056 OC	Chase
pics	The Last Photo of Walt Disney at Disneyland.	Walt Disney
personalfinance	Bought a 1985 Toyota MR2 Yesterday for ~$3,500, have questions about insurance.	Toyota
AskReddit	iPhone users who've switched to Google phones, what do you like and/or dislike about the switch?	Google
videos	No Man's Sky Review GOTY!	Sky
gifs	Driverless Uber runs red light on first day in San Fransisco	Uber
personalfinance	Chase Freedom Unlimited or Citi Double Cash Card?	Citi
funny	#TrumpTelevisionShows Trends on Twitter - Here Are the Top 33	Twitter
pics	'98 Ford Taurus covered in over 30,000 coins	Ford
videos	Self-Driving Uber running red light	Uber
mildlyinteresting	This multi-device charger in the waiting room of the Jeep service department.	Jeep
AskReddit	What is the thing that even Google don't know?	Google
videos	The Truth About the McDonald's Coffee Lawsuit	McDonald's
news	Self-Driving Uber Apparently Runs Red Light In San Francisco	Uber
news	EgyptAir crash: Explosives found on victims, say investigators - BBC News	BBC
nottheonion	Self-Driving Uber Apparently Runs Red Light In San Francisco	Uber
worldnews	If you've ever created a Yahoo account, take these steps immediately to protect your data	Yahoo
worldnews	Southern rail dispute talks end with no deal - BBC News	BBC
Futurology	Elon Musk and Uber CEO Join Trump's Economic Advisory Committee	Uber
funny	My fifth-grader's Chinese homework, put through Google Translate	Google
Futurology	Former Tesla and BMW exec says self-driving cars will kill car ownership in just 5 years	BMW
Futurology	Babies made from three people approved in UK - BBC News	BBC
explainlikeimfive	ELI5: How does UPS just get away with claiming "First Attempt Made" even when they never actually attempt anything at all?	UPS
AskReddit	What has been your dumbest/weirdest Google search query?	Google
science	Babies made from three people approved in UK - BBC News	BBC
todayilearned	TIL VISA is not guaranteeing payment on purchases made with their debit cards. Only credit card purchases are guaranteed at this time.	VISA

"We should do some stretching first. Stretching is more important than the exercise."
Nana and I were next to the parking lot at Virginia Lake, standing among the par course structures. Each structure was designed to perform some stretch or callisthenic, but to use them right you had to read all the little placards next to them and we couldn't be bothered.
There was one raised metal horizontal beam about 2 feet off the ground and whatever its designed purpose, Nana appropriated it as being the proper size and shape for leg stretching. She propped one running shoe up on it and reached with both hands more or less in the direction of the shoe's toe. Less not more in truth; Nana sported a pear shape through my formative years, though as I entered adulthood she changed fruit sponsors to become an apple. Dressed in an orange velour track suit, I guess she was more like an orange. Or perhaps a pumpkin. Anyway, she wasn't getting within a foot of her toes on her all-important stretch.
"Nana, you better hope the benefit is in the exercise, because your stretching is falling a tad bit short of yoga. A for effort and all that." It was safe to sass her when fully occupied. She could backhand like a tennis star, but even the Williams sisters can't reach everything while doing their best to fold in half.
My snark didn't even draw a glance. "I'm stretching the body and the brain. I visualize the stretch in its purest essence and that form becomes the reality of the stretch. The stretch is complete, it is perfect: My hands aren't in possession of all the facts.".
"You're always saying crap like that since you joined the Unitarians. You'd of never spouted nonsense about virtual stretches when you were Catholic." Nana dropped the first leg, slung the other over the bar, and started theoretically stretching her other calve.
"There were a lot of things I wouldn't think about when I went to Catholic Church. And a lot of things I did that I don't want to do anymore for that matter. Like talk to Republicans. None of it had to do with how I exercise, and you can just behave yourself. You're not too old for me to put over my knee, Mr. smart mouth."
"Yes I am Nana, I'm 37 and twice your size. But in recognition of my vast reservoir of filial respect, I'll drop the topic and return to the stretching. Has your brain finished loosening your hamstrings? "
"You're a wicked little boy – always been, always will be. 37 is the new 12. I used to tell your mother you were born to hang, but then hanging became something that happened only to civil rights leaders. I wouldn't put up with you at my age if anybody but you would exercise with me. Are you ready to walk?"
"Nous allons, mon amie, apres tu. "
"Don't get familiar with me."
"Sorry, Apres Vous. What happened to Beryl? I thought she was walking with you."
This drew a disgusted snort from her. "She's getting a new knee this week and won't be good for much but old people talk for three months. I'm trying to pretend I'm young, I don't need old people talk. She blew her knee down bending down to feed the cat. Who blows a knee feeding a cat?"
"Someone Beryl's age I guess. How about Mary from canasta? You used to do things with her."
"She won't shut up about her sex life. Keeps yabbering on about all the heavy breathing she's responsible for in care facilities from here to Winnemucca. Mary has a morbid bucket list goal of causing a heart attack mid swoon and fantasizes about the particulars constantly. Fun and solicitous over canasta with a glass of sherry, pure death to physical fitness."
"Better keep her away from Pawpaw. With his big D kicking in, he might think he's on shore leave in Seoul. And your neighbor Stacy?"
"She's discovered slot tournaments, has this big spread sheet with every gambling hall from the Nugget to Casino Fandango on it, spends six days a week pulling the one arm bandit. Or pushing the button now, not a lot of slot machines still have a lever. Would have seemed to me that slot tourneys would find the old ones, what's the point of just sitting there in the nickels section pushing a button? " She waved negligently at the Peppermill, looming over the lake from a block away. "She's over there now, clicking video poker machines for charity. So you're the bunny. What's the matter, having trouble keeping up?"
"You got me pegged Nana. Can't stand the pace of the in crowd."
Without preamble, she starts power walking away, puffing like the Virginia & Carson Railroad. I jog a few steps to catch up then slide in beside her as we leave the parking lot for the east side of the lake. Virginia Lake is a turgid, stale body of water, heavily populated by ducks, seagulls occasionally migratory waterfowl and a swan who is such a complete asshole it's a surprise it doesn't work for the DMV. The pond displays two outstanding qualities: It's smack dab in Midtown and the circumference is almost exactly a mile, a very convenient body of water to trot around before heading down to the Tandoori restaurant off Vassar, or to meet your Nana. Virgina Lake isn't a bad default if you don't have the time to hit a real trail and fall outside the Venn diagram sweet spot of two much money and too little brains to move to South Meadows and take up golf.
"I'm working up a real sweat now,: she shouts to me, arms held high as she struts. "I bet I've already lost a pound!" She has to yell because the whole complex of townhouses on the east side of the lake is being razed, replaced with multistory faux Edwardians that wouldn't look out of place in Marin. Probably for the best, the town houses used to bother me; Old style sprawl constructions with enough vibrant green grass to drain the Truckee watershed. Definitely not Reno: The whole complex looked like lipstick on a pig, or worse, Sacramento. The new structures, about four times the number of units and eschewing yards, were a beehive of undocumented workers managed by fat white guys. Lord knew how they planned to build houses around here after Trump sends all the workers back to Central America (the Mexicans left years ago when the economy tanked.). The whine of saws and the staccato snap of nail guns lent a Nana an extra quarter of a step as she powered past.
We make the far corner of the lake and start heading west through a field of duck poop. The south end of the park is failed 'desert landscaping' park ; nobody uses it because we have plenty of sage and weeds in our own yards, but the fine tan, gravel boasts consistency the seagulls favor for their excrement. It isn't hard to avoid the little stink bombs, Nana, for all her noise and flying elbows, isn't really going very fast. Her power walk is an inconvenient speed, faster than a saunter, slower than a jog, so there's plenty of time to avoid bird poop.
The west side of the lake is more traditionally park like. A playground, lawn and picnic shelters, troubled by a popsicle truck turf war. They sit on either side of the playground, speakers cranked to ten; with identical product and price, sound is the only differentiation available to them . The conflict produces an eerie 'twilight zone' moment when their soundtracks hit 'Home on the Range' two measures apart in noisy counterpoint.
The ice cream war produces no more impact on Nana than the construction workers, as she puffs ahead toward the now visible parking lot. The path narrows here, becomes congested with dog walkers and strollers, but God help anybody who doesn't get out of Nana's way, she's on a mission. I don't think she even notices them (I mean, did the iceberg notice the Titanic?). "Keep up Davie you're slowing me down. I've lost two pounds!"
We return to the lot the huffing reaching a crescendo of longer deeper puffs, like the old steam engines at Disneyland settling in at a station. Lifting a bottle of smart water, she refills the boiler with about six times as much as she perspired. "My goal is to lose ten pounds a week, so this is a good start, the first three are gone."
"Really Nana? I've probably exerted myself more shopping at Walmart."
"You don't know anything about it. Dr. Oz says that intent and metabolism dictate weight loss far more than the chosen activity. "
"It's not a matter of intent Nana, it's a matter of calories. Ya canna change the laws of physics. Walking a mile around the lake, it would be a miracle to lose more than a smidge, an ounce even."
"The world is made for miracles, Mr. Know It All. Who am I going to believe, you or Dr. Oz? Get in the car. All this exercise has made me hungry and I want an early lunch. Or better yet, a second breakfast! Let's go to Pegs."
Sometimes you just let your Nana have it. When miracles happen every day in Reno, there's no sense getting bogged down with facts. Besides, I want to go to Pegs too.