Hello guys, in this post I show you how to get to Level 150 in Billionaire or Huuuge Casino in 1 or 2 Days, because a lot of people struggle to get there.
So first of all I'm using the GoCases App where you can open Cases for CSGO Skins with earned Coins from playing games through Tapjoy and Fyber.
You'll be able to open a Knife Case with minimum 50$ Knife to 1000$.
So basically a Knife Case costs 15.000 Coins in the GoCases App.
If we complete both Casino Missions we got a total of 10k. The 2 Apps are very similar so this Guide will work for both.
1. After you installed the Casino game, you wanna start with low bets (always play Huuge Diamond Wins Slot!)
2. You want to get to Level 65 with like 200 Million Chips. At that Level you unlocked the Singapure Roulette which will be the Key to level up.
3. If you have 200.000.000 Chips and Level 65, you download an Auto Clicker App from the Play Store and start it. You choose the "multiple clicks" option and set the time between the clicks to 1 second.
4. You open one of the Casino Apps and go to Roulette, hold on to the Singapure Roulette and create a private session.
5. Bet 5 Million on Red and 5 Million on Black and click ready.
6. You click on the green plus at the Auto Clicker overlay twice, so you have 2 circles.
7. One circle is placed at "Bet again" and the second one on "Ready".
8. Now press the play button at the overlay, and just let it do it's thing.
The autoclicker will now automatically set new bets and press ready for you, this will give you with every round the XP worth of a 10 Million use and you will get the same amount back everytime except you hit green but thats a 1/19 chance.
IMPORTANT sometimes you have to press away some tabs otherwise you will be kicked because the autoclicker cant place any bets.
EXTRA TIPP! Join a Platin Club to get big rewards, everytime someone from your club hits a jackpot you'll get a good amount! To find a Platin Club just set at the Club Search the filters to 55-100 players, anybody can join and available for me. The Icon will have a Platin Ring!
Thanks for reading the full Guide!
I would be thankful if you would use my promotion code "vNgbLnnw" as a thank you, you also get 20 Coins in the GoCases App.
submitted by Proof:
https://preview.redd.it/xb9iqs5zlob51.png?width=1416&format=png&auto=webp&s=c952b5e5d5a6e582de865619558eac4c29410008 3 days ago, Revenue Universe had their double campaign and Huuuge Casino worth jumped from 3000 to 6000. It may have been higher on other sites or wall, but this was the first time I saw it this high. I actually failed this offer a month back on IOS for 5200 because I ran out of chips at around level 49 and just decided to quit. I decided to bite the bullet on this one, despite my failure, and decided to retry it (this time on Android). To my surprise, 3 days later, I was able to reach level 200. I have also included tips at the bottom of page for anyone who just want to know stuff like how to not run out of chips, when to use your lottery tickets, how much to bet, etc.
IMPORTANT EDIT: This is unconfirmed because I haven't checked on it but according to a few users, Huuuge Casino and other similar casino games have a small safeguard secret prize before level 50 that grants you chips during some level ups when you are under 20 million so it is almost impossible to lose all your chips. That way, you can max bet all the way to level 50 and if you are lucky, you may end up with a few hundred million of chips by then (again I haven't confirmed this yet, but I'm currently doing the Billionaire Casino offer (which is literally a carbon copy of Huuge Casino and vice versa in terms of slot machine, layout, etc) and this seems to be a thing. In terms of the hundred of millions of chips part, that is all dependent on Jackpot luck so take that part with a grain of salt).
Some stats
| Time it took me | 62 hours. If you did the simple math, that means of the 3 days I used to finish this offer. my android phone was on most of the time. The only time my phone wasn't on was during the last few hours when I was asleep because it turned off while I was spinning on Huuuge Diamond since I didn't want the offer to credit in the middle of the night. However, there is a catch. I used an auto clicker and bought the chips necessary to complete the offer. My phone didn't get all that hot during the 62 hours it was on, but just in case, if you are going to be like me and keep a phone on for 62 hours straight, be sure the phone is lying on something cool like a fan so the phone doesn't overheat. | |
| Other apps used | Yes, I used an auto clicker. Otherwise, it would've taken a lot longer, more attention, and mind-numbingly frustrating. More info about that down below. For the autoclicker, I just downloaded the one that was the first result off of the play store. It was very simple too use. | |
| Amount of chips used | Overall, I had about maybe 1.5-1.6 billion chips in total and used about 1-1.1 billion chips to get to level 200. I don't know if I was lucky or not, so this number can be lower or higher depending on luck but if you buy the 6.99 or 9.99 chip pack, there won't be much of a problem. | |
| How much money spent | I spent on the 9.99 beginners pack that gave 1.3 billion chips, making for a 50 dollar profit. According to other posts I've seen, there seems to be a 6.99 pack you can get once you hit level 100 which should be enough chips to get to 200, but I never received the deal for some reason and I didn't seem to be the only one. Was it worth it? If you are impatient like me, using 10 dollars instead of spending days grinding out 1 billion chips sounds worth it in my book. However, for those who do not want to spend money, this offer can still be easily completed without spending money. Just be prepared to grind out a little over a billion chips. | |
My Level Breakdown
Here's a breakdown of what I did, but if you've read other posts regarding Huuuge Casino, this is mainly going to be repeat information.
Level 1-50 (Or when you have 100-125 million chips): Huuuge Diamond slot.
EDIT: This section maybe obsolete if the secret prize is a confirmed feature. If that is the case, just max bet to level 50, but the amount of chips you will receive will vary. If you want to stay safe, then just 10k bet. In exchange for time, you'll have a more stable end outcome. This is where I spent my time for the first 50 levels. As to the reason why, on Huuuge Diamond, you can auto spin indefinitely. Nothing will stop the autospin, not even the level up notifications or the charm packs they give you every stupid milestone level up. I realized this when I forgot to check my phone after 6 hours and it was still going at it, so I left it over night and in the morning, it was still spinning. I would say it took me 30 hours or so to get to level 50 (just my estimate since I wasn't really diligently timing everything)
To the people who already finished this offer, they may be wondering "why 50 and not 65? 65 is when the Singapore Roulette opens up." The answer to that was because when I hit level 50, I had about 143 million chips (how I got this much will be explained in the tips, but it's honestly really simple. I never went over a 10k bid) and xp from slots is extremely slow. That's why once you hit maybe 125 million chips or so, it is good to switch to the Melbourne Roulette. By the way, SAVE YOUR TICKETS UNTIL YOU REACH LEVEL 100. According to another post I read, the rewards from the lottery is increased once you hit level 100 so it's best to save your lottery tickets until then.
Level 50-65: Melbourne roulette. Go to the roulette menu and hold down on the Melbourne roulette to start a private room. Bet half on red and half on black. That way, you will only lose if it hits the only 2 greens on the roulette. The max bid here is 1 million, so with over 100 million chips, you shouldn't be hurting for chips. This part, unlike the slots, should go by like it's nothing (I don't remember how long, but probably 1-3 hours). This was also around the time I started using the auto clicker because it will become tedious to tap on re-bet and ready every 5 seconds. With the autoclicker, for these 15 or so levels, you don't have to pay ANY attention if you don't want to. But once you reach level 65, it's time to move onto the final step.
Level 65-200: Singapore roulette. Around this time, I lost maybe 10 million chips from 50-65, so I was down to 133-134 million. Over here, max bet is 10 million, so put 5 million on red and 5 million on black. This was enough to get me to level 120 surprisingly, but at level 100, I started spinning in the lottery so I received more chips there and a 24 hour 2x experience bonus so that should also be taken into account (I also had a small unlucky streak where it green 2 times in a row a couple of times within 7 or spins so that was frustrating...). At level 120, I spent 9.99 to buy a pack that had 1.3 billion chips in. For those who do not want to spend money, this is where the grind begins for 1 billion chips.
Earlier on in these levels, it will be easier to level up and it will take longer to level up as you go higher, but honestly, it isn't that bad until it level 190. I don't know if it was just me, but level 190 to 200 felt waaaaay longer than level 180-190. For those of you curious, from level 199 to level 200, it took around 22-25 minute. In terms of leftover chips, I had 680 million left.
Tips
Join a good club! For those of you who don't want to spend money and for those who do, this is one of the most important rules as you can get a lot of free chips easily from your club members jackpots. I was able to get maybe 60 million or more just from collecting off the club wall because my club was fairly active. While searching for a club, filter your search options to Club level 20, anyone can join, and club members between 90-100. Even if there is only 10-15 members active in the club out of 100, that is still a good club to be a part in.
Do not use your tickets until you reach level 100. Your winnings from lottery will increase once you hit level 100. After using your tickets, you will most likely get a 2x exp bonus as one of your rewards. Use this time well (From level 100-200, I got 3 2x exp bonuses. With all the lottery tickets accumulated up till this point, you\re bound to get at least 1).
Probably obvious, but do not bet more than 10k on Huuuge Diamond. I can not stress this enough. The reason why I lost all my chips the first time I did this offer was because I was cocky and kept winning big with 50-100k bids, but that soon went down the gutter the higher level I got. Bet low, win high.
My slot machine of choice was Huuuge Diamond, but I think, honestly, any machine with a 10k bid can work, but I am not sure on this. I think this is also a good one to grind chips. I think the max jackpot, if you don't get the main jackpot on the top of the screen, is 1.6 million with a 10k bid, so it is still respectable. If anyone else knows of a better machine to grind on, please let us all know.
This website
https://gamehunters.club/huuuge-casino/share-links gives you free chips if redeemed on the device you are playing Huuuge Casino on. I honestly did not need to use this site as the chips I bought were enough and the site lags my already super slow phone so it was a hassle to click on the reward, open the app to claim, and switch back.
I may have forgotten to add some things, so if anything comes up, I'll be sure to update. This was meant to give people a sort of guideline to an offer that I have seen given some people frustration (me included because this is the second time I did it, first time being unsuccessful). Once I hit 200, I was instantly credited with no pending. For those willing to spend for the $6.99 or $9.99 pack, this offer can be completed between 60-70 hours, give or take. For those who do not want to spend money, I would say to double the expected time, but finishing in 2 weeks is still doable. Good luck everyone and I hope this guide lightens a bit off your shoulders.
P.S. Sorry for the long guide. I talk a lot lol
Mobile game offers are probably my favorite thing about swagbucks and since I've joined I've been doing pretty much just them exclusively, no sign up, no credit card info, no giving away all of your personal info for meager swagbuck surveys, just install and play. Plus with all but one exception I've always been paid out instantly for completing the offer. Make sure you don't leave the page when you're redirect to install the game and always open the game through that same store page when it's open. I'm not in the US so sadly this is all the ones worth taking that's available to me.
Here's a guide on the various mobile game offers from easiest to hardest and how to complete them the fastest, as well as which ones to avoid:
EASY TIER - These games should take you a short amount of time to earn your SB
Disney Heroes - Get to hero level 10 (484 SB): The easiest one to complete, complete the tutorial, then complete the "open 5 chests quest" and the "Complete 15 campaign missions" quest to get to around hero level 9, then use your accumulated RAID tickets on a campaign mission to get to team level 10k, should take you about 15-30 minutes to finish. Should payout whithin seconds, if it doesn't, try leveling your team level to 11.
Lords Mobile - Attack a level 2 monster (352SB) : Thankfully this game gives you plenty of free gems and speedups, follow the tutorial, open the academy, rush the requirements to attack a level 2 monster. Make sure you join a guild, complete mission rewards and collect gem rewards. If you do all this and use as much of your gems and speedups this should take you about 30 minutes to complete, make sure you have at least 4.9k hero energy to fight the level 2 monster once you've researched the skill.
Castle Clash - Reach hero level 40 (440 SB): Another easy one thanks to free gems. Follow the tutorial, complete the mission where you get 20 EXP tomes for completing dungeons, use that to max out a hero to level 20, then go to the shop and buy 1000 hero badges for some gems, upgrade the hero to tier 2 and use the leftover tomes to get to level 40, should take you about 30 minutes to complete.
MEDIUM TIER- These games will take you some time to complete but can still be finished in the same day
World War Rising (1000 SB) - Upgrade your town center to level 12: This game does give you lots of free resources but still takes a bit to complete. Use your speedups, join a guild, complete events and make use of the training center to get lots of extra resources to finish. Will take you about 3 hours to complete. Use your gold sparingly but not too conservatively.
LOW TIER- These games take a few days to complete
POP SLOTS Casino - Reach Level 18 (566 SB): Not much to say about this, collect your bonus chips every 2 hours, daily bonus as well, play on your favorite machine and go at it until you run out of chips, you can pop balloons that ocme out while playing for meager bonuses. Will take you about 3-4 days to finish.
Final Fantasy XV - Upgrade citadel to level 12 (700 SB) : Literally the same game as World War Rising but FF themed. However this gives you much less resources than WWR, will take you about 3 days to finish. This is the one offer I completed that I haven't been paid for, I have contacted support though, since I gave proof i'm sure they'll credit me the SB. EDIT: About 10 days after contacting support I got my credits, it seems I had to reply to the automated response by swagbucks, I also put it through OfferToro Support.
AVOID TIER- These games have requirements that are almost impossible to complete without spending money or playing for a very long time to my knowledge, not worth the reward they give out.
Clone Evolution - Collect 3 Orange heroes (1600 SB): A RPG with a dark theme and a shit ton of characters, plays alright but it seems impossible to get any hero above blue, let alone orange which is 3 tiers above that, I think this offer expired anyways too.
PocketMine - Unlock Mine #20 - (400 SB): Not only is the game not good, it is ridden with video ads, you have to watch ads to collect gems, you have to watch ads for prodution bonuses, etc. It's also seemingly impossible to get anywhere past Mine #15, I'm about to unistall but I will let you know if anything changes, I've been at it for a day.
Huuuge Casino - Reach level 100 (200 SB): Easy enough to level up till your past level 68, then it becomes near impossible.
submitted by Since Ol' Woody has been mentioned in several threads here of late I'm adding a story about him and a list of his tweets created by an exmo, Book of Mordor.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff
Introduction
At the end of an artfully concealed passageway within the F (First Presidency's) Vault at Granite Mountain can be found a hidden trap door leading to a secret sub-basement. Using my special set of skills, I had navigated my way into this forgotten room. I passed by the Liahona, the Sword of Laban, what looked like a Jaredite-barge shining stone thingy, and the head of Shiz in a jar; these trifles were not the reason for my dangerous and clandestine visit. I found myself sweating and mopped my face with the nearby Title of Liberty.
In the far corner of the sub-basement, I spotted an opening in the floor. Creeping over for a closer look, I beheld a spiral staircase winding endlessly down into the abyssal blackness. Eldritch symbols and unsettling images were engraved upon its cold steps, but I knew that I must descend, for the mysterious Fat Man had insisted there was no other way. My flashlight flickered and I hoped that I had inserted alkaline batteries instead of the cheap regular ones.
At length, I arrived at the nethermost alcove below the mountain. And there! next to the casks of Amontillado I spied the prize and object of my search: a small locked wooden box. But not just any box, for it contained a priceless artifact. I promptly seized the box and got the hell out of there.
Returning to my room at the Crystal Inn Hotel in Murray, I brought out the key which had proven so difficult to procure. If you can recall that one "Pirates" scene with Will Turner and a sleeping Davy Jones at the organ, you get the idea. But that tale I dare not relate in full. Suffice it to say that the telling would cause men to weep and women to giggle.
My hand trembled as the key turned and the lock clicked open. I slowly raised the lid and at last gazed with wonder on that for which I had risked all. With my heart pounding, I removed it, and so I now hold...the Flash Drive of the Prophets.
The Flash Drive of the Prophets! Naught but rumors and whispers can be heard about it from the wizened merchants who lurk in the dark recesses of City Creek Center. To think that I am now in possession of it is almost more than I can bear. But I must make haste, and share what I can of the supernal treasures stored on it. And so I present to you, dear readers, the Tweets of Wilford Woodruff.
@Big_Ol_Woody - Getting dunked a mormon in a few. Gonna be an #IceBath, f**king freezing!!! 10:48 AM Ð 31 Dec 1833
@Big_Ol_Woody - @ParleyPPratt says I have 2 go 2 some podunk place called Kirtland. Pratt's a horse's @$$ control freak. Why do I have this urge 2 run? 3:41 PM Ð 1 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting the big guy @JosephSmithJr now. Hairy dude. Whats up w/ all the girls & can I get some? 11:22 AM Ð 25 Apr 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Showed JS a leg bone & arrowhead. He's #OffHisMeds, starts on about a white Indian named Zelph. Great prophet Onandagus, I call bulls**t. 1:14 PM Ð 3 Jun 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mission, WTF?!? No one told me that! #BaitAndSwitch 10:58 AM Ð 11 Nov 1834
@Big_Ol_Woody - Movin on up, in the 1Q70 now. Gonna get small folks 2 #PaintMyHouse 4 me. ROFL! 12:39 PM Ð 3 Jan 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got me some action at last ABOUT TIME! Phoebe's 30 like me not a babe but I'll take it. JS promised me a bunch more later haha. 8:03 AM Ð 14 Apr 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission?! Finally getting laid & have 2 leave again, whats wrong w/ u ppl? 11:40 AM Ð 9 May 1837
@Big_Ol_Woody - Made APOSTLE 2day! JACKPOT!! I'm famous, u must all BOW DOWN BE4 ME! 3:11 PM Ð 26 Apr 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another f
king mission. England this time. Fk. 8:46 AM Ð 8 Aug 1839
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dunked 600 chumps past 6 wks. @JohnTaylor had the idea, calls it #CricketBaptisms. Seems 2 work. 11:17 PM Ð 10 Apr 1840
@Big_Ol_Woody - Seeing Phoebe soon, YES! Horny as all s**t, have 2 make up 4 lost time. 9:43 AM Ð 2 Jun 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - JS showed me the "Urem&Thumem" (sp?) 2day. Just a f**king rock but had 2 make a HUGE deal like OMG! OMG, faint! LOL!! Rube. 7:09 PM Ð 27 Dec 1841
@Big_Ol_Woody - Goofy s**t around here starting 2 get 2 me. Seeing stream of light in sky shaped like sword. Must be going crazy. 8:21 PM Ð 10 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - Oh my head. F**king sky sword changed in2 a ring w/ balls of light inside. JS says sky sword means big war coming. #NauvooMadHouse 9:12 PM Ð 14 Mar 1843
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG DAY 2DAY GETTIN MY SECOND ANOINTING ON!!! #GoldenTicket #IGotMine 10:02 AM Ð 28 Jan 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Moved in2 new house yesterday. Got it "broken in" last nite w/ Phoebe heh. Life = good. 8:31 AM Ð 5 Mar 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission ARE YOU F**KING KIDDING ME??? Want 2 kick JS in the nutz. #LoserTyrant 4:04 PM Ð 6 May 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - OHHH S**T reading in Boston paper JS shot, killed. Bet that SOB Young is gonna try 2 take over. Not good. Need 2 get drunk fast. 3:50 PM Ð 9 Jul 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Its over. #TheBrigham is prez now. Every1 else kissed butt so couldn't say anything. Have 2 play nice. F**k we're doomed. 2:57 PM Ð 8 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another mission 2 #Europe but it's OK this time b/c I'm MP now & can order every1 around. #HastenTheWork serfs!! 12:25 PM Ð 12 Aug 1844
@Big_Ol_Woody - Back in Nauvoo again WhereTF is every1? Half the town gone. Oh well got 2 run home I have DEEP blue balls LOL! 3:33 PM Ð 13 Apr 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Some army jerkwad wants volunteers 4 #MexicanWar. F**k that. Where were u earlier? Passed buck up 2 #TheBrigham. 11:20 AM Ð 26 Jun 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Marrying 3 chix 2day have #HaremOf4 SWEEEET!! Mary A's 28 Mary C's 17 Sarah's 18 & I can hardly wait! Phoebe not happy TFB. 8:44 AM Ð 2 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Teenage wives a pain, want guys their own age. Can't figure it out. BE GONE YE HARLOTS! Just the 2 wifeys 4 now. 10:55 AM Ð 29 Aug 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - OW F
K A TREE JUST FELL ON ME FK GODDAM S**T THAT HURTS OW OW 2:27 PM Ð 15 Oct 1846
@Big_Ol_Woody - Both wives preg, always complaining about something SHUT IT! Leaving em 2 each other 4 female bonding. ROAD TRIP YEAH!! 4:06 PM Ð 5 Apr 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - This place is a dump, total #ForsakenWasteland. Deseret my @$$. BY = idiot. 9:56 AM Ð 24 Jul 1847
@Big_Ol_Woody - Climbing a mountain 2day. Full suit tie & vest. F
k I'm hot tired & #NeedABath. It's never enough is it BY? Never fking enough. Ever. 12:34 PM Ð 26 Jul 1847
I have been discovered. My actions here have alerted the Strengthening Church Members Committee. Even as I write I can hear Danite footsteps echoing in the hall. I must escape. Brethren, hasta ma–ana.
Praise Darwin, I have outwitted my foes. Oaks' Blokes chased me down the fire stairs and into the hotel lobby, but I threw down some banana peels upon which they slipped and fell. My northern and eastern escape routes were too heavily guarded, and Wendover is a hole. I have turned south and found refuge in Santaquin, but cannot linger.
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**ked up dream, prob drank 2 much #barleycorn. Saw JS & a lot of ppl in white robes making crowns. Have 2 get off the stuff. 2:17 AM Ð 16 Mar 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary A divorcing me 2morrow WTF is going on? Not like I've been away from home neglecting her, oh wait I did. All right go then. S**t. 1:51 PM Ð 10 May 1848
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 tell BY I need women 2 #LiveUp2Privileges. Down 2 only Phoebe since last divorce, not enough. Must find #PerkyBoobs soon. 10:03 AM Ð 16 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - S**t, have 2 marry this widow named Mary, she's 48. Older than me. Guess #TheBrigham is pissed at me. Need 2 brown nose again. 9:26 PM Ð 27 Mar 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - Mary died 2day so just 1 wife again. We can #KeepEmComing tho. Have another picked out already, Clarissa's 17. 6:16 PM Ð 3 Oct 1852
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham dedicating #SLTemple site, droning on & on & on. Will NOT close pie hole. Want 2 go home, drink #beer. 11:41 AM Ð 14 Feb 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Bad luck w/ teens, Clarissa divorced me 2. Trying again 2day w/ 2 new hotties, Emma 15 & Sarah 19. I'm 46 haha. SCORE. 8:28 AM Ð 13 Mar 1853
@Big_Ol_Woody - Off again, have 2 travel across the f
king country 2 buy st 4 the #DeseretAlphabet. Just another wild hair out of BY's @$$. 9:02 AM Ð 3 Mar 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Addressed bumpkins in conf 2day in favor of #handcart ops. All have 2 back #TheBrigham on this or else. #NoConscience 3:23 PM Ð 6 Oct 1856
@Big_Ol_Woody - Promised hayseeds some would be alive 4 return of #TenTribes & give em endowments. Never know what the f**k I'm talking about. 1:57 PM Ð 22 Feb 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: @JamesBuchanan 2 send in US Army. ROFLMAO!! #BringItOn, Prez! We shall summon mighty earthquakes 2 swallow you up!! 12:08 PM Ð 24 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another wife 2day! 9th overall but 4th staying. Hard 2 keep track. Sarah Delight's just 19 say hi 2 Mr. Woodruff! #DelightMe 11:01 AM Ð 31 Jul 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JohnDLee ran in 2day shouting about #MountainMeadows something? Said Indians killed ppl. Yawn. BFD, need 2 get ready 4 army. 3:47 PM Ð 29 Sep 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Spoke 2day in the Tab, said #God progressing in knowledge & power. Crowd ate it up, go figure. These dips**ts believe everything. 2:24 PM Ð 6 Dec 1857
@Big_Ol_Woody - Running away 2 Provo since army's almost here. Expected #God 2 send down useful s**t like #FlamingAngels but nope. #WhatElseIsNew 9:05 AM Ð 7 Apr 1858
@Big_Ol_Woody - Yeah right wool. Nothin better 2 wear in CK huh Heber u jackhole? RT @HeberCKimball: Peter wore wool when he came 2 Kirtland temple 3:46 PM Ð 9 Feb 1862
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma ready 2 pop any day, Delight 3 mo along. Sarah's turn 2 receive some laying on of hands & gift of the holy spurt haha. 6:58 PM Ð 29 Jan 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Prophesied Albany 2 be destroyed by fire, Boston by tidal wave, NYC by quake. BY stood up & agreed. We're just makin it all up as we go. 4:12 PM Ð 21 Aug 1863
@Big_Ol_Woody - Emma & Delight WAY preggers & HUUUGE, Sarah busy nursing kid last 8 mo, Phoebe's 61, nowhere 2 go 4 sugar. 2:35 PM Ð 13 Jul 1868
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 put up w/ this bats
t EVERY SINGLE FKING DAY around here. RT @BrighamYoung: #Sun & #Moon are inhabited 5:00 PM Ð 24 Jul 1870
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think I finally did it, 3 wives prego at same time. D*ck is sore tho & G's rub against it fierce. #NoSpermLeft, balls shrunk 2 pea size. 10:42 PM Ð 21 Nov 1872
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: rumor #PolandAct passed by @Congress yesterday, easier 2 prosecute plyg. We will DIE be4 we abandon plyg!!! #NoSurrender 10:29 AM Ð 24 Jun 1874
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got the shaft again. I'm older than Taylor, next in line but f
king Q12 jumped him ahead of me just b/c he was ordained 1st. Hate u fks. 1:48 PM Ð 10 Apr 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talked again about #TenTribes coming soon. Might even convince myself of this s**t someday. #NotGonnaHappen 2:45 PM Ð 24 Jun 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told everybody 2day that #Millennium is dawning soon blah blah. Would be amazed if anything I said ever actually happened. 3:31 PM Ð 12 Sep 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - Meeting w/ @UlyssesSGrant, as usual #TheBrigham is boring the living s**t out of the Prez. Put a sock in it 4 once u douche. 10:18 AM Ð 3 Oct 1875
@Big_Ol_Woody - BY said 2 write temple s**t down. Started last Nov u dumb coot. Will make this crapola all scary weird w/ #BloodOaths 2 freak ppl out haha. 12:32 PM Ð 14 Jan 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Think BY likes me b/c he's giving me his daughter Eudora 2morrow. She's 24 & OK I guess. Can't do s**t at 70 tho. 5:22 PM Ð 9 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - #TheBrigham doesnt like me after all, I get now why he dumped his daughter on me. Well played BY. 11:14 AM Ð 11 Mar 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - You'll NEVER believe this!! Bunch of ghosts in wigs just showed up in SG Temple! G-Wash, T-Jef, B-Frank, all of em! OMG SICK!!! 12:56 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Now they're all #BooHoo about no temple work 4 em yet. Waited soooo long wah wah wah. Scuse us guys we've been busy. 12:59 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Introducing themselves 1 by 1. BORRRING. U signed #DeclarationOfIndependence? Never heard of most of these ppl. Who are all u jokers?? 1:07 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Button Gwinet? (sp?) WTF stupid name is Button? Wait til I tell BY's kid Mahonri Moriancumer Young, he'll die laughing. Button, ROFL!! 2:21 PM Ð 19 Aug 1877
I hear voices in the distance, shouts of "Oh, fetch!" coming closer. How did they find me so quickly? Into the night once more. Brethren, peace out.
Again I have survived. The fools really ought to remove their sunglasses at night, but it seems to be against the rules. They left only the chauffeur to guard their car, a custom 2013 Bentley Mulsanne bearing the license plate "MONSON6." (How many does he have?) I dispatched the poor fellow using a can of Mountain Dew heavily laced with Ex-Lax, then drove away. I exited the interstate at Nephi, later abandoned the Bentley in Milford and have made my way to Minersville. I should be safe here. No one has ever visited this town.
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's T-Jef by himself this time. Looks uncomfortable, says something about wants 2 marry #SallyHemings? I say IDK, need more info. 10:34 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - OK get this. So I pray & see Sally! HOLY S**T SMOKIN HOT!!! I get an idea, play cool, say sorry no, #CurseOfCain etc. He's sad & goes. 10:38 AM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - TJ's back. I offer 2 swap my 3rd, 4th & 6th wives 2 him 4 Sally. Don't fess up these 3 divorced me haha. He says he'll get back 2 me. 1:19 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Can u f*
king BELIEVE IT?!? #SelfishGhost said *NO 2 my trade!! T-JEF IS AN A-HOLE!!! #IWantSally 3:53 PM Ð 20 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Got dunking done 4 all these dead guys & a few more. Got water up my nose LOL! #Columbus will be sooo grateful 2 me! 7:30 PM Ð 21 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Just woke up from dream about Sally H, look down & ewwww gross!!! Long time since that happened, didn't know I still could haha! 1:16 AM Ð 25 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - BIG news! BY finally kicked it, seemed that tool would never go! Guess that HOT @AnnElizaWebb broke his heart. Annie #TelegraphMe anytime!! 11:57 PM Ð 29 Aug 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - At funeral of #TheBrigham, now I'm 1 step closer 2 prez. Snoozefest, bored 2 tears. Have 2 speak later, hope I can stay awake. 10:24 AM Ð 2 Sep 1877
@Big_Ol_Woody - Eudora had son yesterday but he died. Time 2 visit Emma 4 replacement. Delight 7 mo preg wonder if she's OK haha. 8:29 AM Ð 2 Apr 1878
@Big_Ol_Woody - got 2 run n hide the us marshals r after me that b
ch eudora divorced me n ratted me out 2 the govt why do all these bches turn on me? 7:43 PM Ð 7 Feb 1879
@Big_Ol_Woody - Beware O Earth 4 the Hour of the Judgment of #God is Upon U! Seriously! I'm Not Kidding This Time, I Really Really Mean It!! 5:13 AM Ð 26 Jan 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Q12 droolers took my Jan nutter ramblings as the Word of #TheLord so it's official #revelation. Shaking my head, it's a #circus here. 4:48 PM Ð 4 Apr 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Talking on #SignsOfTimes, this generation 2 see return of JC blah blah blah. Have 2 keep it going til the gomers wise up 2 us. 3:17 PM Ð 3 Jul 1880
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: Prez @ChesterAArthur signed #EdmundsAct yesterday. #TheLord shall PROTECT US as w/ FIRE ye MINIONS OF SATAN!!! 10:11 AM Ð 25 Mar 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Saw CK mansions in dream last nite, the best #HeavenlyArchitects were building em. Must be getting f**king senile or something. 6:06 AM Ð 30 Dec 1882
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 go on the run again, gettin 2 old 4 this s
t. What a fking joke, not like I'm boning any1, #CantGetItUp w/ a pulley. 8:14 AM Ð 14 Jan 1885
@Big_Ol_Woody - GEO EDMUNDS & JOHN TUCKER BY THE POWER OF THE P/H IN THE NAME OF J-C I SENTENCE U BOTH 2 INSTANT DEATH & ETERNAL DAMNATION IN OUTER DARKNESS 10:59 AM Ð 14 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Did it work? 8:41 PM Ð 15 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - F**k me we are so screwed 11:28 AM Ð 17 Jan 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - OH: Taylor died yesterday so I'm prez now. Super, just f**king splendid. Can't even go 2 #outhouse w/ out being arrested. 1:15 PM Ð 26 Jul 1887
@Big_Ol_Woody - Put my foot in it again. Prophesied that SS & MIA kids in audience 2 live 2 see #SecondComing. I'll be long dead by then #SoSueMe. 11:03 AM Ð 29 Jul 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Ridiculous horses**t, surrounded by cretins. RT @OrsonFWhitney: JS: #TowerOfBabel built 2 reach #CityOfEnoch suspended in midair 10:37 PM Ð 22 Sep 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Another #revelation from #God hooray! Not going 2 give up plyg 2 become state. #TheKingdom doesn't take terms it makes em. 10:36 PM Ð 24 Nov 1889
@Big_Ol_Woody - Telegram: @SupremeCourt upheld #EdmundsTucker. #God promised 2 fight our f**king battles but chucked us, what a surprise. 9:44 AM Ð 20 May 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Time 2 give up plyg. Need 2 make up some lame@$$ excuse 4 blowhards like BY & Kimball & Pratt etc. Thx a heap #God big help u were. 1:54 PM Ð 24 Sep 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - Have 2 #TapDance 4 every1 about why we caved after 50 yrs of big bulls**t CK promises & brave talk of US collapse. #EpicFail 9:49 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - It's good. Said more crap about never leading the church astray, remove out of our place blah blah. Will all #BlowOverSoon, plebs wont remember. 11:10 AM Ð 6 Oct 1890
@Big_Ol_Woody - @JosephFSmith asked 4 chat w/ son J Fielding 2day his 15 bday. #WeirdKid if u ask me. Arrogant little f**k, not 2 sharp, kinda creepy. 1:42 PM Ð 19 Jul 1891
@Big_Ol_Woody - Dedicating #SLTemple 2day, hosanna, hosanna barf. Have #hangover, feel like s**t, might need #coffee 2 stay sharp haha. 9:19 AM Ð 6 Apr 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - Told peasants in conf 2day #OMyFather is #revelation haha. Sometimes I kill me. 4:52 PM Ð 8 Oct 1893
@Big_Ol_Woody - B-Frank said hi in bizarro dream. Had long talk, he wanted more temple s**t done. I said OK if he would bug T-Jef about #SallyHemings. 3:46 AM Ð 20 Mar 1894
@Big_Ol_Woody - Utah state but w/ out plyg dammit. Bogus Ô89 #revelation was test from #God I bet. Uh yeah thats it. U cant criticize me I'm the profit. 12:08 PM Ð 4 Jan 1896
@Big_Ol_Woody - Conf talk earlier 2day, kids here 2 be alive 4 #SecondComing. Same ol s**t 60 yrs, they're just never gonna learn. Dumb@$$es 4ever. 6:25 PM Ð 8 Apr 1898
Betrayed!
facepalm It must have been a local, besotted with the false promises of a special second anointing for my capture. If I could hie to Kolob Canyons I might yet stand a chance. I will return and report, should I live. Brethren, whatever.
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: The Hunt is On!
It has come to this at last. I was hotly pursued into Zion National Park and alas! have tragically lost the Flash Drive of the Prophets while scrambling over the lovely pink cliffs. I fear that it will never be found, save perhaps by an intrepid contributor to this board. Once I reach Mesquite I think I will be free. The Committee has no power beyond Utah, and the breakfast buffet at the Casa Blanca is not half bad. I thank you, dear readers, for your time and attention but damn I really must move or I am toast. Brethr
The Tweets of Wilford Woodruff: Epilogue
The boys were close on my heels all the way to St. George, where I ditched them for good as they were gorging on thirds at Golden Corral's dessert table. I held to the course of the Virgin River through Arizona, entering Nevada near Bunkerville. Being famished I was compelled to rustle and BBQ one of Cliven Bundy's cattle. And it came to pass that I arrived in Las Vegas clinging to the back of a big rig. I relax now poolside at Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino. All is well! My adventure is finished and I return to a normal existence, buying tequilas for sun-kissed topless honeys. I thank you once more for your kind attention. Brethren, I do.
The orignal article and other information about LDS Prophets is available here: http://www.salamandersociety.com/foyeprophets/
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