Jaime knew that the enmity between Edwyn and Black Walder ran deep, but cared not a fig which of them succeeded their great-grandfather as Lord of the Crossing. Jaime VII, aFfC

Let's, well, go the opposite direction now, and try to take our bets on what the future holds for House Frey, presently the main political power in the lands of the Trident. Which players are going to emerge, and which are going to be knocked in the water?
A few rules of the game (that is, rules of thumb I'm going to use on my own take, nothing exempt from discussion of course):
Lord Walder Frey may not die in the Winds prologue, but he won't live for long. I'd argue that, with the Red Wedding, Walder Frey has outlived his narrative purpose. As seen with similar situations like Maester Aemon and Hoster Tully, the "long overdue" death comes as soon as the narrative is ripe for it. In this case, with all the other political actors ready for an actual match of "Lord of the Crossing", the story needs the current Lord Frey to be cast aside. As of now, the clear heir would be Edwyn, but I'm sure things will spice up a bit. I won't stop and introduce every name I mention, so I'll just point the interested to the wiki family tree.
Then, while I'll touch later on the question of female Frey rights, I expect, generally speaking, that only adult male trueborn Freys will be able to present themselves as figureheads or lead a faction; in troubling times (and they're going to be), there's no real place for a kid ruler without, at least, an official acting Lord, and I don't expect anyone named Haigh or Vypren to be anything other than supporters.
Also, I'm trying to take into account the relevance all these people and dynamics have in the story, because, even though I spent way too much time on the Frey family tree, it doesn't mean more casual readers shouldn't be allowed to recognize and appreciate the setup behind events, on reread at least. Which means I'm considering "this scenario works because it wouldn't occupy too many pages to explain to readers" or "this guy is a non-character in the story, so he's not likely to be relevant later" to be actual factors in my reasoning. It also means that, personally, I have little patience for theories based on the appendix like the knights of the Vale seizing the Twins. On the other hand, I think there's still some dramatic potential to be found at the Twins, as well as some thematic points GRRM could want to make about family, honor, trust and so on.
I can't claim I really addressed the POV aspect (which events we're going to see on page, which are going to be told, by who, through which POV) but every consideration would be most welcome.
Ok, my turn to play now, so let's make our way up the Frey social ladder, from those born on the wrong side of the blanket all the way to the top of the chain.

Bastards of House Frey

Among the Rivers of the Crossing, the only relevant figure is Bastard Walder, while the others would simply lend their support to him or other players; I'd point out that, as we'll see throughout the post, most people, and bastards foremost among them, won't care much for a Emmon-like "I'm the rightful ruler" paper shield; personal charisma and prestige are going to be important to gain support.
Walder Rivers himself is likely the right hand of Lame Lothar, given their bad cop-good cop dynamic with Robb (a crucial conversation for their plan to work, and a crucial plan for the sake of the whole House) and his role in the Red Wedding. His presence at Edwyn's side during the siege of Riverrun (much less a partnership, much more the gruff uncle helping out his nephew) could suggest a plot of theirs to control the future succession crisis, playing on the rivalry between the two men closest to the lordship. Since I think Lame Lothar is the perfect man to order the assassination of Lord Walder Frey, I consider Bastard Walder the main suspect for wielding the dagger (or the pillow, I guess); it's speculation, but I really like the idea of all the main architects of the Red Wedding to be killed by their own sons or close family, in a deliberate mock by the author where, after breaking a sacred custom, every one of these men is cast down because they can't see it coming as someone breaks another sacred custom, that against kinslaying (because yes, Ramsay murders Roose).

Lady Joyeuse Frey

Even without the huge competition there is, it would be unlikely for her to hold actual influence in the Twins after so little time, regardless of the pregnancy. In general, the misogyny we see at the Twins suggests that we're not going to witness a great display of agency by a Lady Frey (or a potential one, like Ryman's wife we know nothing about).
On the other hand, if there's one potential Lady Frey who, having spent many more years than Joyeuse there, could grow somewhat relevant, that is Janyce Hunter, Edwyn's wife; rumored to bed Black Walder, her husband's brother and foil, she could play a part in Edwyn's downfall after he moves against his brother. We could also see implied that Walda, Janyce's daughter, was fathered by Black Walder.

Farring Freys

They're too young, and not relevant in the succession, regardless of Elmar's status. Again, we have rumours about Black Walder being a potential father, but even if true, this time I can't see a scenario where it pays off.

Rosby Freys

In the story, the siblings suffer alienation from their family for being too loyal to House Stark (bar Benfrey, who was eager to help in the Red Wedding and already died from it). Thus, I expect their story to lie in another direction. Since for a bittersweet ending you need some sweet, I can easily buy a scenario where Edmure Tully claims back Riverrun; in this case, Roslin Frey becomes the endgame Lady Tully at his side, with her brothers Perwyn and Olyvar living with them. Roslin and her brothers may also be the ones who, at one point, inform the readers about what happened at the Twins until that point.

Blackwood Freys

This is where I say that, in my opinion, Lame Lothar and Big Walder are going to emerge as the two main players, both of them ruling the Twins as Lords of the Crossing at some point. In the North, after the Battle of Ice that I assume Stannis wins, Big Walder remains the last Frey on the battlefield as Hosteen dies, and is brought before Stannis Baratheon to decide whether he can be trusted. Executing a Frey has a political value that cannot be overstated, but I'd argue that there are a couple factors playing to Walder's benefit. Theon, for instance, could somewhat vouch for him, after noticing him as different from his malicious cousin throughout Dance; Big Walder could also reveal his murder of Little Walder, mayhaps confirmed by Theon as he puts the pieces together; and while these two would only work in private meetings, a public statement where he distances himself from his family regarding the Red Wedding could do the trick. After all, he was simply a kid thousands of leagues away, and publicly blaming his own family could sway the mob some. It would be a quite obvious, yet formidable for a young kid (and it wouldn't take too many page space to tell, which is great), ploy to escape the North's hatred for his House; these elements of low-profile brilliance seem the general direction his story is headed.
At the Twins, Lame Lothar sides with Edwyn upon becoming Lord, possibly after ordering Bastard Walder to murder their father as the Twins get news of Riverrun's massacre (I support the theory of a Brotherhood slaughter at Daven Lannister's wedding). He then poisons Edwyn (with some Aerys and Varys parallel to be found, I guess) against his brother and foil Black Walder, acting Lord of Seagard. The support and counsel of Lothar is basically necessary to the new Lord, as the most powerful figure to be had as ally (both established steward and head of the Blackwood Freys), and Edwyn falls for it. Once Black Walder is dead, however, Lame Lothar betrays him and casts him down, playing on the kinslaying to denounce him and seize power himself as (acting, at least) Lord of the Crossing.
I'll go into more detail later, but if uncles come before daughters, the vacuum left by the deaths of Ryman's sons allows Lothar to seize power in his own right, deal with those relatives who might pose a threat, and, since he has no sons, choose Big Walder as heir (once Jammos dies; since we barely hear of him in the story, I don't think he's going to be relevant, and his death allows for a smooth connection between Lothar and Big Walder).
If, instead, daughters come before uncles, at least by custom, Big Walder is betrothed by Edwyn to his daughter Walda, heir to the Twins, as Lothar's nephew and closest male relative after Jammos' death (as I said, the support of the steward would be crucial). Once dealt with Edwyn, Lothar makes use of this betrothal to secure Walda and rule as acting Lord in her and Big Walder's stead. In this case, the connection between the steward and his protege comes from Lothar ruling through Big Walder rather than Big Walder being Lothar's heir.
In both cases, Big Walder ends up as endgame Lord of the Crossing (and wouldn't he love the game, now that he can win even against bigger opponents). I have two main scenarios in mind, and both of them can work I think: if the Brotherhood is still operating by the time Lothar becomes ruler, the Twins are weakened by this domestic war, and fall to the raiders; the point about division causing doom would be apparent, and Big Walder, who could even be still away by this point, would be later granted the castles by an higher power (King Bran probably; in general, any resolution where Big Walder ends up on top needs to be seen in Bran's POV, both the one who knew him in Clash and the one who would grant or confirm the title).
In the other scenario, while the Freys quickly lose Riverrun and the rest, the Twins themselves survive the attacks, and Lothar gains power; once Big Walder gets home, he is granted the status of either Lothar's heir or Lord Frey through Walda, he proceeds to make sure he's going to be supported if Lame Lothar were to die, and eventually murders his uncle to get the lordship; this would pay off his story of little villain behind the scenes, while, as I said, the last of the main architects of the Red Wedding would get his kinslaying. I don't believe we would see this on page or have it confirmed, but the news of murder, the news of Big Walder becoming Lord, and the setup provided by Little Walder's death would be enough to imply it.

Crakehall Freys

They would be one of the most powerful factions at the Twins, if united behind Hosteen. At this point, though, they're greatly reduced in number, power and influence: Hosteen dies in the Northern campaign along with Symond, Fat Walda and Little Walder; most of the others, like Danwell, Hosteen's son Arwood, Ami and her mother are focusing on Darry, not really able to project much authority at the Twins themselves. The death of Lord Walder would probably make them come home again (which, as in other cases like Seagard, would nullify the influence of House Frey at Darry), but I think what Crakehall Freys remain would end up simply supporting other players.

Swann Freys

By this point, they're not a relevant faction in the succession, the only surviving members being a widow, a septon and some children.
Now, roughly speaking, I previously considered the offsprings of the various Lady Freys to form the various factions, as hinted in the Storm epilogue; in the case of Perra Royce, it's more likely that every sibling stands on his own (with their own children).

Perriane's offspring

The Haighs play a role in the Red Wedding, and seem well integrated in the Frey community; without the Frey name, though, they lack the legitimacy to do anything other than support other players.
Perriane herself is a daughter of Walder Frey, which allows me to touch on the rights of Frey women. In general, the Frey women do not seem to wield as much influence as elsewhere: even discounting the treatment and comments they get from the patriarch, the story lacks female Freys with actual agency, and what agency they do display, like sexual, is promptly condemned. This is why, in this take, there are no Frey women who play crucial roles. By the way, there is the real possibility that, at the Twins, women are excluded from inheritance outright, even in the absence of brothers, a misogyny only seen by the Iron Throne itself; the average rule of daughters before uncles is well established throughout Westeros, but there are at least a couple instances that suggest House Frey goes the opposite direction.

Aenys' offspring

With Aenys killed at Winterfell and the only surviving offspring being an outlaw and some children, they don't have the means to play a significant role, and those children may well be among those cast aside by a current ruler.

Emmon's offspring

Powerful in his own right, being Lord Walder's eldest living son and married to Genna Lannister, Emmon and his offspring could prove a barrier to Lame Lothar's rise. Nontheless, the entire branch is likely going to be destroyed by the Brotherhood, while attempting to cement their control of Riverrun. Since Emmon has only sons and grandsons, one other branch of House Frey, which the future bride of Daven Lannister belongs to, will be included in Stoneheart's slaughter. I say this because the marriage with House Lannister will be, on the surface, a huge step forward for the House, which means GRRM, if he takes the Red Wedding 2.0 route, has every possibility to sweep every problematic Frey out of the board (Jammos could be one, as the one standing between Big Walder and Lame Lothar, or Walton, as Stevron's last living son), with the prestige of the event as a fine motivation, while keeping the frail Lord Walder and other important figures safe at the Twins.
By the time of the Riverrun wedding, other Freys would have already fallen victim of various revenge plots, but this massacre seals the end for House Frey's ability to project power over the Riverlands; by this point and until endgame, the events at the Twins will be more private, intimate affairs, as the Freys will only manage to focus on their own internal conflicts, while freeing the rest of the Riverlanders for the next plotlines.

Stevron's later offspring

Among the families of Ryman's younger siblings, the only significant faction is Walton Frey and his children, him being the last surviving son of Stevron, his son Steffon being a man grown, and his daughter Fair Walda having potential narrative weight. Since his irrelevance in the story makes me think he won't play an important role, Walton himself may well be one of the victims of the "Lord of the Crossing" game, or he could simply bend and lend his support to others.

Ryman's offspring

The cold war between Edwyn and Black Walder rages on. Black Walder is now acting Lord of Seagard, a powerful position in his own right, and his brother fears for his own position as Lord Walder's heir; more and more paranoid, he looks for support in the steward Lame Lothar, the most powerful actor at the Twins by this point. As they get news of the slaughter at Riverrun, Lord Walder is mysteriously found dead, and Edwyn rises to lordship.
I can't really make my mind about the female question (the absolute male preference has some evidence through Merrett's POV and a couple remarks, but I find so weird for a noble House to play it different than everyone else, without at least a clear statement for readers), so I'll split up the two scenarios I believe likely in the two cases; since, in my opinion, both work, it could go either way (in both cases, Petyr Pimple's wife and daughter are either murdered or abandoned to their fate).
If uncles come before daughters, the urgency to keep Black Walder from the lordship makes Edwyn all too willing to listen to Lothar's consel, and he calls for his brother's head. After all, one could make the case that, after the Red Wedding, betraying another custom by committing kinslaying wouldn't be much of an issue; if so, Edwyn is proved dead wrong as Black Walder's execution removes any support he was trying to build, and he's thus betrayed by Lothar himself. His daughter would not enjoy a happy ending.
If daughters come before uncles, at least by custom, Edwyn secures Lothar's support by betrothing his daughter Walda, heir to the Twins, to Lothar's nephew and closest male relative, Big Walder, son of the late Jammos. After Edwyn grows enough paranoid, he kills Black Walder and immediately falls from grace, while Lothar makes use of the betrothal to secure Lady Walda Frey and rule in her and Big Walder's stead. Walda herself is implied to readers to be Black Walder's daughter, somewhat closing the circle back to Black Walder himself (I have to admit, out of the outstanding Freys, I seem to focus on wishing Black Walder out of the picture; this take would provide some sort of closure to him as well, while focusing on what I think are more interesting actors).
TLDR since I saw the length: after House Frey suffers some hangings, Stoneheart ruins their Riverrun Wedding and Walder Frey is found dead just after getting the news; it's implied it was Walder Rivers. Lame Lothar plays on the rivalry between Edwyn and Black Walder until the former calls for the latter's head, only to double cross and seize power himself. Once Big Walder gets back home, he smiles, and murders his uncle to get the lordship. Roslin goes her own way and rules Riverrun.
Ok, it's (finally) your turn to play!

If you think the ending to this story will be anywhere near as bad as GOT, you haven't been paying attention.

Why Eminem is not the goat of hip hop

Eminem was born in 1972. Rakim-1968, LL Cool J-1968, JayZ- 1969, Ice Cube-1969, 2Pac- 1971, Big Pun-1971, Snoop Dogg-1971, Nas-1973, and five months after Notorious B.I.G. So these are his contemporaries but he had the luxury of being able to study rather than compete. Now folktales will lead you to believe that he was just being slept on because he was white. But when you look at Beastie Boys, Vanilla Ice, 3rd Bass, etc. such disparities are not present. And that is quite irregular for someone who we are led to believe to be the greatest of all time. That would be like Magic Johnson being drafted to the NBA in 1979 and Larry Bird not being drafted until 1986 even though they competed against each other in college. How is it that no one from his age group was aware of him when during that era, one of the quickest, easiest and best ways to get on is attack folks directly?
Now I’m not hating on Eminem because he’s white either. There’s a lot of white artists whom I enjoy to varying degrees: Paul Wall, Mac Miller, Your Old Droog, Derek Pope, Machine Gun Kelly, Evidence, El-P of Run The Jewels, etc. What I am saying is that the aesthetic which his lyricism was packaged in is what has ahd folksputting all kinds of extras on him. Reminds me of when folks where caping for Jeremy Lin “Linsanity”. Like yeah he was doing his thing, but it was WHO was doing it that had folks putting extras on it.
Stuff like his BET Cypher Donald Trump freestyle was cool as well as his song “White America”, but as the number one rapper in the world who happens to be white? This is what I consider low hanging fruit of liberals who try to simplify and reduce racism as isolated boogeymen that once exorcised, everything will be all good. But when has Eminem used his music and his platform to really speak to systemic racism white supremacy on a micro and macro level and be a champion of black empowerment while profiting off black culture? February 2003 The Source Magazine published “The Unbearable Whiteness of Emceeing: What the Eminence of Eminem Says About Race” which I found to be very insightful.
Eminem’s first project was in 1995 as a duo with Proof (rip). Same year as Only Built For Cuban Linx by Raekwon, The Infamous by Mobb Deep, Me Against The World by 2Pac, Soul Food by Goodie Mob, among others. Some of the most highly regarded albums and MCs ever and yet no one was checking for “the goat” Eminem?
Now in 1996 that is when Eminem put out his official solo project with Infinite. Same year as All Eyez On Me and Makaveli from 2Pac, Reasonable Doubt by JayZ, It Was Written from Nas, The Score by Fugees, ATLiens from OutKast, etc. Who was checking for Eminem??
We’re going to just skip all the fire that came out 1997–98 such as DMX, Redman, Big Pun, Juvenile, Method Man. But do your Googles and see what songs from those years you’d rather hear than anything Eminem put out from 1995–1999.
It is not until 1999 that we get the much heralded Slim Shady LP. This is after the “East Coast/West Coast” feud when everyone was going at whomever, whenever. Plenty of space and opportunity for Eminem to assert himself whether attacking someone or defending someone. I’m not saying that he might not have been able to hold his own. But the way people used to go at each other back then, they definitely would’ve been on his ass. You either had to rhyme and/or throw hands. However, after the dust cleared, he comes out during the peace and prosperity of the “shiny suit era”. But you tell me what songs from Slim Shady LP resonate with the culture and have had the lasting appeal as: Dr. Dre’s Chronic 2001, Pharoahe Monch’s Simon Says, Missy Elliot’s Da Real World, and JayZ’s Vol. 3? Better yet, this is the same year that B.G. put out “Bling, Bling” and Ja Rule’s “Holla Holla”. And the icing on the cake — Mobb Deep released “Quiet Storm”. Nuff said!
The year 2000 brought us The Marshall Mathers LP. Great album indeed. But ask yourself, what song has been in rotation in the last 20 years with the likes of: OutKast’s “So Fresh & So Clean”, Ghostface Killah’s “Cherchez La Ghost”, M.O.P.’s “Ante Up”, Prodigy’s “Keep It Thoro”, or even Three 6 Mafia’s “Sippin On Some Sizzurp”? And I just heard Ludacris’ “What’s Yo Fantasy” last week. And you can’t forget this is the year Nelly debuted. I’ll add Big Tymers’ “Everybody Get Your Roll On” to that list too.
2001 is when JayZ released The Blueprint. Eminem’s verse on “Renegade” is one of those watershed moments along with Nas saying on “Ether” how JayZ got bodied by him that really began to crystalize public opinion, but it is the same record which the same is said of rapper Beanie Sigel. And that is just as debatable. Eminem released his group D12 in 2001 with Devil’s Night. It debuted #1 and went 2x platinum, the same year as Put Yo Hood Up by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, but despite the disparity in sales, you tell me which album has the most songs that have rang off the most in the hood (no pun intended)? 2001 also brought us Pain Is Love from Ja Rule, Stillmatic from Nas, and Word of Mouf by Ludacris
The Eminem Show dropped in 2002. Another fine project. Was it as innovative as N.E.R.D’s In Search Of…?But are there any songs that had the staying power in the hip hop community like State Property’s “Roc The Mic” (which features Beanie Sigel), or “Say I Yi Yi” from Ying Yang Twins? And this was the same year as ’03 Bonnie & Clyde with JayZ & Beyonce and Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz sparking the dawn of the crunk era with Kings of Crunk. Also, we can’t leave out Nelly’s Nellyville and Nas’ God’s Son. So not only did Eminem not have the definitive sound of the year but he also did not have either of the two songs which defined 2002. I submit to you: Clipse “Grindin’” and Missy Elliott “Work It”. But Eminem is the goat??
Now let’s juxtapose what we’ve learned so far with 50 Cent who put out the mixtapes Guess Who’s Back and 50 Cent Is The Future also in 2002. Keep in mind 50 Cent, born in 1975, was discovered by Jam Master Jay (rip) in 1996, had a deal with Columbia Records in 1999, and released his first mixtape Power Of The Dollar in 2000 with the song How To Rob. So in 2000, 50 Cent was already buzzing on the street way more than Eminem was before he came out. And Eminem was two albums in. 2002 is when Eminem not discovered by rather “Columbused” 50 Cent after he lost his deal in 2001 due to infamously being shot nine times. Eminem re-introduces him on the mixtape drop No Mercy, No Fear and simultaneously 8 Mile soundtrack in 2002 with the song “Wanksta”. “Wanksta” produced more anticipation for his debut Get Rich Or Die Trying in 2003 than Eminem did leading up to his. But Eminem is supposed to be the goat? And he’s often ranked over 50 Cent.
Eminem is from Michigan. The hip hop scene from 1995–1999 was pretty localized unlike today where you can be whoever from wherever and find an audience on social media and SoundCloud. How is it that one of “the goats” managed to not have any buzz in the Midwest prior to his debut? Common and Twista were three albums in, and although they have had moderately successful careers, they haven’t reached any of the sales as Eminem. 1994 Common dropped the seminal classic “I Used To Love H.E.R.” And by his 3rd album he had features from Lauryn Hill, Black Thought, Cee-Lo, De La Soul, Q-Tip, and Eminem’s former arch-rival Canibus. And yet we are led to believe that nobody was checking for an eventual goat until 1999? People talk about his mythical rap battles. But who did he beat?? Eminem lost in 1997 at the Rap Olympics to a rapper named Otherwize and at the ’97 Scribble Jam to MC J.U.I.C.E. So not only are the only known records of his battle rap days are L’s but they are against virtual nobodies (no disrespect). You’ve heard stories about the back in the day with the Juice Crew/Boogie Down Productions ‘Bridge Wars’, JayZ vs. Busta Rhymes in the cafeteria, etc. And we are supposed to believe that a goat like Eminem NEVER crossed paths with anyone notable until he really, really got on? Hip hop has often paralleled the NBA and when have you ever heard of a goat that nobody hooped with in the park, high school, or even seen on the block?
So aside from 50 Cent and eventually G-Unit in 2003, there were other people who dropped indelible hits: Freeway, Fabolous, T.I., Youngbloodz, DMX, JayZ, Ludacris, OuKast. But how is it that 50 Cent with the same Dr. Dre/Interscope engine can make better records than Eminem and his group G-Unit is vastly superior to Eminem’s D-12? So Eminem is a goat but has one of the WEAKEST crews in terms of skills and relevance to the culture: 50 Cent and G-Unit, JayZ’s State Property/Roc-La-Familia, 2Pac’s Outlawz, Outkast’s Dungeon Family, Nas’ Bravehearts, Cam’ron’s The Diplomats, Master P.’s No Limit, Birdman’s Big Tymers/Hot Boys, Ludacris’ DTP, you can just go on and on. You’re a goat but ain’t produce not one hit record except for “Purple Pills” and that ain’t even a banger?! Not one person from Eminem’s crew has had a hit record either. Yet when you look at all of the aforementioned, you can name one if not several from each who had respectable outings. Obie Trice wasn’t a superstar. Furthermore, when checking out Slaughterhouse, Royce da 5'9", Joe Budden, etc. were already doing their thing. And he was unable to take their careers to the next level despite his star power. Because as a implied from the beginning, his elevation is completely overstated. Rappers such as those in Slaughterhouse and Griselda gang are of a similar skill set and rhyme style but don’t get nearly the mainstream attention that Eminem has received.
Then 2004 rolls in and Eminem releases Encore. Now aside from the solo debuts from Young Buck and Lloyd Banks from G-Unit, this was the same year that Kanye West released The College Dropout. Nuff said!
In 2004, Eminem released another D12 group project with D12 World. Another 2x platinum album, which peaked #1. It even had higher first-week sales than Kanye if that makes any sense. However, what songs from that album can you name have been more popular than The Diplomats’ Diplomatic Immunity 2 and Lil Jon and The East Side Boyz’ Crunk Juice?
2005 is Eminem’s greatest hits album Curtain Call. Explain to me how it is 7x platinum yet Kanye West’s Late Registration is only 3x platinum. By this time Eminem was only 4 albums in. Are we supposed to believe that from 1999–2005 he had 4 projects better than 4 JayZ projects during that time?
Kanye West pretty much OWNED hip hop until Eminem returned in 2009 with Relapse. That 5 year run was way more impactful than any Eminem stretch from music releases to production to fashion. Also during this time you have the introduction of rappers like The Game (another G-Unit soldier), Rick Ross, Jeezy, and Gucci Mane. T.I. was becoming a staple. Lil Wayne was cementing his legacy. Lupe Fiasco, another rapper, highly touted for his lyricism, was doing his thing. 2009 was also the year “Swag Surfin’” came out. Nuff said!
Eminem puts out Recovery in 2010. Same year as Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy and Drake’s Thank Me Later. Both albums which have had way more staying power than Eminem. “All I Do Is Win” by DJ Khaled came out that year too. 2010 also saw the rise of Waka Flocka Flame with “O Let’s Do It” and “Hard In The Paint”. Eminem has yet to create such anthems for the culture but is supposed to be a goat??
So in 2011, Eminem drops the album Hell: The Sequel with Royce Da 5'9" as the duo Bad Meets Evil. Now the single “Lighters” from that album along with “I Need A Doctor” a song he did with Dr. Dre and Skylar Grey, both peaked at #4 on Billboard. “I Need A Doctor” is Dr. Dre’s second highest peaking song on the chart ever. Now who do you know that if you asked them to name their top 5 favorite Dr. Dre songs and that song is on their list? When was the last time your heard Lighters? These songs peaked higher than But 2011 is the year Tyler The Creator and Big Sean dropped their debut studio albums. Section 80 by Kendrick Lamar also came out in 2011. But one duo was the pulse of 2011, JayZ and Kanye West with Watch The Throne.
2012 is the year Kendrick Lamar officially arrived with Good Kid, M.A.A.D City. There really isn’t anything more that needs to be said after that. But you also have Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded from Nicki Minaj and 2 Chainz debuting as a solo act. Eminem didn’t come back on the scene until 2013 with Marshall Mathers LP 2. It had higher first-week sales than Nothing Was The Same by Drake, Magna Carta Holy Grail by JayZ, Yeezus from Kanye West, AND Born Sinner from J. Cole. How Sway?! It makes about as much sense as Macklemore winning Best Rap Album and Best New Artist and being nominated for Album of the Year in 2012 with The Heist. “Thrift Shop” was the equivalent of My Name Is… or The Real Slim Shady, a cool little bop but not hardly a hip hop classic in the least.
2013–2017 was Eminem’s longest hiatus not returning until the end of the year with Revival. And yet he was being nominated and oftentimes winning awards and accolades from the dominant society while his contemporaries were putting out quality product. Revival was the first album that you could argue was panned by critics although it still went gold and debuted at #1 on Billboard. DAMN from Kendrick Lamar and JayZ’s 4:44 were the talk of 2017.
2018 brings us to Eminem’s Kamikaze. Another album which debuted #1 and went platinum. It had more first-week sales than Invasion Of Privacy by Cardi B., KOD from J. Cole, and Culture II from Migos, but who has had more of an impact on the culture? In 2018 were more people talking about Eminem or Pusha T with Daytona?
Eminem was like a rap Weird Al Yankovic when he came on the scene who used crazy videos and shocking antics to propel his career. After the initial press run of his projects, real hip hop heads drop off really quickly and move on to that real shit. Jimmy Iovine and Interscope Records knew that with his talent, the street cred and music production of Dr. Dre, a great package could be sold to the masses. That otherwise would just be another “spherical-lyrical-miracle rappity rap” rapper. Where are the Eminem fans who champion other backpack, lyricist lounge rappers in the same regard?
The film 8 Mile has been romanticized into people thinking it was an autobiography. However, it was presented as “based on a true story” or as to say fictionalized for dramatic effect. One of the main purposes for doing so is that it allows Hollywood to embellish events and have “creative license”. Consequently, then people put all kinds of extras on Eminem’s rap battle career like he’s Rocky Balboa.
Eminem is supposed to be goat but when you look at his career he never went up against anyone except for women and pop stars. People put all these extras on Eminem but who has he defeated to be warrant such fear?
No one has been afraid of anyone ever in the history of rap but all of a sudden Eminem is above reproach? Nelly wasn’t afraid to respond to KRS-One. Common and Ice Cube went at it and Common had no problem going at Drake either. But Eminem’s resume of targets are: NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, Insane Clown Posse, Britney Spears, Moby, Christina Aguilera, and Michael Jackson. Jermaine Dupri isn’t a rapper. Benzino respected in the hood but not top-tier. Is he even top 5 out of Boston? Are we giving him the crown because he went at Fred Durst of rap/rock group Limp Bizkit? Machine Gun Kelly is not a top-tier rapper either and he BARELY won. I would argue that he had the better bars but MGK had the better song, beat, and rollout. Even in the beef with Ja Rule, 50 Cent did most of the heavy lifting and dropped the finishing blow. Eminem stayed away from damn near all of 50 Cent’s beefs with real heavyweights like Lil Wayne and The Lox yet 50 is always putting on the cape for Eminem at slightest sign of trouble. Much respect to Lord Jamar but some would say that he Grand Puba was the best rapper in his group not him? However, on one of their top hits “Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down”, Grand Puba isn’t on it. Name one D-12 hit without Eminem. Notwithstanding the fact that Brand Nubian and Dead Prez are much more highly regarded in the pantheon of hip hop than D-12 has ever been. Canibus was probably the only lyrical challenge but he proved to be a choke artist and already took a L from LL Cool J. People are taking his side during the Nick Cannon beef but the facts are this began with Eminem again going after a popstar in Mariah Carey. Nick is supposed to defend the honor of his (ex)wife and the mother of his children. And the criticism he’s received is that he’s getting help from the Wild N’ Out cast?! Well Bizarre jumped out the window with lackluster diss records for Joe Budden and MGK. But even Uncle Luke from 2 Live Crew didn’t backdown from Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg with Cowards In Compton. Uncle Luke and Kid n’ Play even had beef at one point. 2Pac and De La Soul had issues back in the day as well. Eazy-E (who didn’t write his own rhymes), got help on “Real Muthaphuckkin G’s”. 2Pac had “Hit Em Up”, Ice Cube had “No Vaseline”, JayZ’s “Takeover”, Nas’ “Ether”, how is it that Eminem hasn’t made a classic diss record? Not even a legendary diss verse or battle along the lines of Lil Flip vs. T.I. or T.I. and Ludacris?
Gucci Mane dissed Eminem on a song with Mariah Carey entitled “Obsessed” and he threw shade at him in a radio interview, but Eminem has never addressed it. The goat wouldn’t and shouldn’t be taking any direspect from anyone especially your reputation is that you’re not the one to be messed with on the mic.
Prodigy (RIP) has battled more top-tier rappers and held his own than Eminem.
Eminem came at Tyler The Creator for criticizing his music. And while I would contend that Tyler isn’t a better MC than Em, is there any question that the style and innovation of Tyler and Odd Future has superceded that of Em of D-12?
Who did you know that wore Eminem’s brand, Shady Ltd./Shady Wear and what did they look like? And how does it stack up to other rapper clothing lines like Wu Wear, Apple Bottoms, State Property, or even Tyler’s Golf Wang?
How is it that Eminem is the goat but he’s the least sampled, least referenced goat? Not a beat, hook, or anything that’s been flipped or remixed? And he has the least amount of notable features. Now the “stans” will say it’s because they don’t want to be outshined but why hasn’t that stopped people from working with other greats?
So not only does Eminem have a classic diss record but he doesn’t have a classic street anthem, party record, song for the ladies, conscious rap, dance move, or any other prominent category. Of the goats, Eminem has the least noticeable impact in look, style, flow, voice, or slang. The people who have apparently patterned themselves after him are folks like G-Eazy, Hopsin, Joyner Lucas, Merkules, Yelawolf, and Logic. And I rest my case. If Eminem were black he would be Hopsin at worst and Redman or Busta Rhymes at best (much respect to them). Let him and Royce da 5'9" switch places.
Eminem takes liberty to reiterate this on the song “Fall”, but aside from being from Detroit, how has Eminem inspired Big Sean and Royce? That’s like saying JayZ, Mos Def, Big Daddy Kane, Sean Price and Fabolous gave us Tekashi69 because they’re all from Brooklyn. Em is the biggest rap artist from the entire state of Michigan. However, what Eminem song would you recommend someone hear to get that feel? Hip hop has always been very sonically regional in its essence. What Eminem song puts on for the city that makes you see and feel Detroit? There’s no Detroit references, slang, visuals, bridging of musical history (Motown, techno, etc.) Not even a “What Up Doe?!”. How did he avoid to not do any work with Slum Village or the legendary J. Dilla (RIP)??
There’s often been comparisons between Eminem and Elvis Presley. But I liken Em to martial arts star Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris is one of the most successful martial arts stars ever but he is not a creator, innovator, nor master of any martial arts style. Yet he is quite larger than many of the originators. Like Norris, Eminem is quite proficient in various styles but he’s a master of none. And then created his own style (Chun Kuk Do), and put himself at the top. Eminem never shies away from crediting O.G.’s Kool G Rap, Naughty By Nature, Poor Righteous Teachers, etc. However, I think Em has a bit of a white savior complex of asserting his authority and dictating what is/is not real hip hop leaving black folks as just receptacles. Then getting upset when we reject it. Moreover, like Norris and his “Norris facts” or the “sniper skills”, Eminem has been mythologized and mysticized as a “Rap God”. No, I don’t think Eminem is a culture vulture or guilty of cultural appropriation . I think he could be a better cultural steward. Good stewardship being defined as “the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care”. I would consider people like Stretch Armstrong, DJ Muggs, Alchemist, and Steve Rifkind such exemplary custodians of the culture.
Ask yourself what exactly are Eminem’s top 5 songs? When and how often have you listened to them after they initial release? After the media machine of Viacom took it out of rotation on MTV’s networks and shows like TRL and subsequently, BET. And when do you put them in rotation at the club, barbershop, with your lady, hanging with the fellas, etc.? Then compare those top 5 songs to the top 5 of his contemporaries. Name your top 5 Eminem songs and see if it was the #1 rap song that year in the hip hop community.
One of the main talking points regarding Eminem being “the goat” is in regards to his record sales. This is rather moot when you after you consider the consumption of the dominant society, record sales, have never been solely indicative of the measure in which hip hop determines greatness as an MC. If that were the case, then rappers like Nelly, MC Hammer, Flo-Rida, Chingy, and Lil Nas X, should be on people’s top 10 list.
Likewise could be said of awards. Otherwise, who’s saying Young MC Coolio is top tier? DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince (Will Smith) won the first rap Grammy in 1989 but I would hardly consider that to be the best album of ’89 nor are they top 10 in duos/groups of all-time. Institutions primarily in the dominant society choose who to praise, credentialize, and reward including the categories of merit. Notorious B.I.G., 2Pac, Snoop Dogg, Nas, and Busta Rhymes are just a few who have NEVER been nominated for a Grammy. Just focusing on rap/hip hop categories, let’s break this down even further:
In 1999, Eminem won the MTV Europe Music Award for Best Hip Hop over Beastie Boys, Busta Rhymes, Puff Daddy, and Will Smith. (See #5)I’m confused about the nominees as well as him winning. Interesting in 1999, Eminem also won an MTV Music Award for Best New Artist “My Name Is…” but he was not nominated in neither the Best Rap Video nor Best Hip Hop video categories. Now in 2000, Eminem began winning awards regarding his video starting with two Billboard awards. Again, the outlandish videos were one of the things that has kept him in the minds of the public. Blockbuster (yeah that Blockbuster Video) decided to create their own awards from 1995–2001 and gave Eminem the award for Favorite Rap Artist in 2001. Go figure?! In 2001, the MTV Europe Music Awards, Eminem won Best Hip Hop. D12 was nominated as well along with Missy Elliott, Outkast, and P. Diddy. D12?! You have to be kidding me! So not only throw in a June 2001 release into the mix with projects from the previous year, but they want you to believe that this was the best hip hop of 2000–01. (See #7)Eve with Scorpion was a better album than D12.
A German association of record companies puts on a ceremony of their own called the Echo Awards. Check out the link and see how preposterous the nominations were. I’m not going to go through ever single one but it was pretty much a foregone conclusion they would give him the award every year. Notwithstanding the fact that in 2001, Eminem won over Nelly’s Country Grammar. Now of course, Eminem is a better MC but if you’re talking about which album had the most hit records in the hip hop community, I’m going to have to say Nelly. Are we really saying in 2002, D12 Devil’s Night was a better album than Outkast Stankonia?! 2003 they gave it to The Eminem Show over Nellyville. Again check this discography and you tell me which has gotten more play over the years. 2005, the Echo Awards nominated D12 and Eminem AGAIN, for D12 World and Encore, respectively. And to add insult to injury, the Beastie Boys were nominated for To The 5 Boroughs. But not College Dropout?! The Echo Awards nominated Eminem for Curtain Call: The Hits in 2006 and 2007 (winning in 2007). So A F#KIN GREATEST HITS ALBUM that was released in 2005 was nominated TWICE and won Best Hip Hop over albums released the previous eligible year like T.I.’s King, Rick Ross’s Port Of Miami, and Lupe Fiasco’s Food & Liquor, but EVERYONE knows the best rap album of 2005 was Late Registration. Even Common’s Be was a smash! You’re awarding a greatest hits album over original content?! The only thing Eminem put out in 2006 was Eminem Presents: The Re-Up kanyeshrug After 2008, when Eminem stopped putting out records, they just disbanded the category altogether for the most part staying local except for 2011 when they awarded him AGAIN for Recovery. That is until 2014 awarding him yet again for MMLP2 over JayZ’s MC-HG. They also nominated Macklemore for The Heist, which was released in 2012, but skipped over Kanye and Cole which came out the actual review year (see #18). And after 2014, the Echo Awards were just like fuck it and stuck to only local German acts. This is a blueprint tho of how whenveer Eminem puts outs an album, he wins. And when he doesn’t the industry is just like meh whatever when it comes to rap/hip hop. (The coupe times 5o Cent don’t count because he’s under the Shady umbrella).
So staying in 2001, we get the Grammy Awards. Reflect and tell me what has stood the test of time:
Best Rap Album
The Marshall Mathers LP — Eminem …And Then There Was X — DMX Dr. Dre — 2001 — Dr. Dre Vol. 3… Life and Times of S. Carter — Jay-Z Country Grammar — Nelly
Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group “Forgot About Dre” — Dr. Dre featuring Eminem “Alive” — Beastie Boys “Oooh.” — De La Soul featuring Redman “The Next Episode” — Dr. Dre featuring Snoop Dogg “Big Pimpin’” — Jay-Z featuring UGK
Best Rap Solo Performance “The Real Slim Shady” — Eminem “The Light” — Common “Party Up (Up in Here)” — DMX “Shake Ya Ass” — Mystikal “Country Grammar” — Nelly
2001 the Japan Radio Popular Disc Awards named Best Male Vocalist. So vocalist we’re talking rapping, singing, or any musicality with the mouth and Eminem’s who’s voice and cadence has been the subject of ridicule for many years, is the winner?! Now Eminem winning the Juno Award for Best Selling Album in 2001 and 2003 does make sense. Again, Eminem being able to sell records, being internationally popular, or being a great rapper has never been in dispute. My argument is against Eminem being the goat. This is why without question he’s won several World Music Awards for Worlds Best Selling Rap/Hip Hop Artist.
The Billboard Awards has an inconsistent history of including and excluding rap categories at their whim. In 2002, they decided to combine Rap and R&B Album Of The Year into one category:
The Eminem Show Ashanti, Ashanti Nellyville, Nelly Word of Mouf, Ludacris
But what’s interesting is that year Eminem WAS NOT nominated for neither Rap Artist Of The Year nor R&B/Hip Hop Songs Artist Of The Year. Nelly was nominated for both and won the former. He also beat Eminem for Artist Of The Year and Male Artist Of The Year.
Similar to the ECHO Awards, the MOBO (Music Of Black Origin) Awards in the United Kingdom inconsistenly gave an award for Best Hip Hop Act. Primarily awarded to British acts, Eminem won in 2000. But in 2010 he won Best International Artist and there hip hop was relegated to only within the U.K.
The MTV Europe Awards kept up the fuckery in 2003–04 awarding Eminem Best Hip Hop Act over 50 Cent, Missy, JayZ, and Nelly. That’s cool I suppose. But explain in 2004 Best Hip-Hop Act. In a category that includes Kanye, Nelly, and JayZ, they nominate Beastie Boys and awarded D12. AGAIN we are talking BEASTIE BOYS BEING NOMINATED AND D12 WINNING BEST HIP HOP IN 2004. How Sway?!
The 2005–06 American Music Awards were another contrived example of people not from the culture credentializing who’s the best. Will Smith (The Fresh Prince) won Favorite Pop/Rock Male Artist in a category with 50 Cent. Neither of whom would say they do neither pop nor rock music. However, 50 Cent was also nominated for Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Male Artist along with Ludacris, both losing out to Eminem. I would contend that Eminem makes rap for more of a pop audience than 50. Eminem also won for Favorite Rap Album for Encore over 50 Cent’s The Massacre and T.I.’s Urban Legend. What’s interesting is that they skipped over the 2004 release of College Dropout for the 2005 outing of 50 Cent. In 2006 for Favorite Rap Album the nominees were: The Black Eyed Peas, T.I. for King, and Eminem for Curtain Call. The Black Eyed Peas won rap album in 2005 (including favorite pop album) and 2006. They also won Favorite Rap Group over Dem Franchize Boyz and Three 6 Mafia. Name one Black Eyed Peas song that has impacted the culture like Lean Wit’ It? Not only NOBODY from the culture checking for The Black Eyed Peas like that but they nominated a damn greatest hits album over original work just like the Echo Awards did. Eminem also won Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Artist over Kanye and T.I.
2005 also saw Eminem win Teen Choice Awards for Best Rap Artist and Best Rap Song for Mockingbird. What 15 year olds in 2005 were bumpin this that you know?!
2008 VIBE Magazine again helped crystalize public opinion by creating an online bracket-style tournament naming him the Best Rapper Alive. This is how you manufacture public consent
2010 won an American Music Award for Favorite Rap/Hip Hop Artist and Album over B.o.B. and Drake. Neither Kanye nor Nicki Minaj were nominated. At the Grammy Awards, explain this.
Best Rap Performance by a Duo or Group: “Crack A Bottle” — Eminem, Dr. Dre & 50 Cent “Too Many Rappers” — Beastie Boys & Nas “Money Goes, Honey Stay” — Fabolous & Jay-Z “Make Her Say” — Kid Cudi, Kanye West & Common “Amazing” — Kanye West & Young Jeezy
When was the last time you heard or even would want to listen to Crack A Bottle over Make Her Say or Amazing?! Then look at Best Rap Album:
Relapse — Eminem Universal Mind Control — Common R.O.O.T.S. — Flo Rida The Ecstatic — Mos Def The Renaissance — Q-Tip
First off, Flo-Rida is hot garbage! Second, Q-Tip and Common’s albums were released in 2008. So if you’re reaching back to ’08, then you have to include Kanye’s 808s & Heartbreak, T.I.’s Paper Trail, and Lil Wayne’s Tha Carter III. I’d put Shawty Lo’s Units In The City and Soulja Boy’s iSouljaBoyTellEm up there. Dey Know and Turn My Swag On had a bigger impact on the culture than anything off of Relaps. And ’09 you’re neglected JayZ’s The Blueprint 3.
2010 also saw Eminem win a MTV Europe Music Award for Best Hip Hop Act over Lil Wayne, Snoop Dogg, T.I., and Kanye West. And at the Teen Choice Awards, Eminem won Best Rap Artist, Rap Album, and Rap Song for “Love The Way You Lie”. I don’t know what teenagers they were polling but I can take a guess. The Soul Train Awards wanted you to believe that “Love The Way You Lie” was the Best Rap Song of 2010 as well. And at the People’s Choice Awards, Eminem won Favorite Hip Hop Artist over Flo Rida, JayZ, Lil Wayne, and T.I. But again as we reflect back, tell me who and what sound was running hip hop 2008–2010.
So the 2011 Billboard Awards roll around and Eminem wins Top Rap Artist over Drake, Lil Wayne, Ludacris, and Nicki Minaj. Hmm, I guess. Then he gets Top Rap Album for Recovery over:
Thank Me Later — Drake Pink Friday — Nicki Minaj I Am Not a Human Being — Lil Wayne My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy — Kanye West Help me make sense of it!
Then again at the MTV Europe Awards, Eminem won Best Hip Hop. And once more they conflated 2010 releases with 2011. So the nominees included Snoop Dogg and Pitbull who dropped in 2010 and Lil Wayne and JayZ/Kanye West from 2011. This is JayZ/Kanye West as Watch The Throne. But we’re to believe that Eminem’s Recovery was running the rap world more than Watch The Throne.
And at the 2011 People’s Choice Awards, Eminem was given the award over Drake, Jay-Z, Snoop Dogg, and Ludacris. Eminem beat Drake who put out Thank Me Later and Take Care, back to back?! Same year at the Teen Choice Awards, he beat out Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West, Nicki Minaj, and Pitbull. 2012 People’s Choice gave it to him again over B.o.B., Jay-Z, Nicki Minaj, and Pitbull.
MTV Europe Awards back with the bullshit in 2013 giving Eminem the Best Hip Hop Award over Jay-Z, Drake, Kanye West, and Macklemore & Ryan Lewis. Even though Macklemore is wack AF, still gotta concede that “Thrift Shop” was a bigger record than Eminem’s 2012–13 output.
2014 at the American Music Awards, Eminem was nominated with Drake but didn’t win. Iggy Azalea incomprehensibly won! 2014 Billboard Awards was a complete sham. Eminem won Top Rap Artist and Top Rap Album over Drake, Pitbull, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and Jay-Z. The nominees fot Top Rap Song was even more outrageous. “Can’t Hold Us” — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton beat out:
“The Monster” — Eminem ft. Rihanna “Holy Grail” — Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake “Thrift Shop” — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz “Timber” — Pitbull ft. Kesha “Started From The Bottom” by Drake didn’t even make the cut.
At the 2015 Grammy’s, Eminem won Best Rap/Sung Collaboration for “The Monster” over ILoveMakonnen’s “Tuesday”. Doesn’t make sense. And although it wasn’t nominated, this is the same year as Chris Brown “Loyal”. And Best Rap Album was in complete shambles from the artists chosen to the consistency of the releases:
The Marshall Mathers LP 2 — Eminem The New Classic — Iggy Azalea Because the Internet — Childish Gambino Nobody’s Smiling — Common Oxymoron — ScHoolboy Q Blacc Hollywood — Wiz Khalifa
2017 MTV Europe Awards awarded Eminem yet again for Best Hip Hop in the same category as Drake, Future, Kendrick Lamar, and Post Malone. I could even see Post Malone winning but Eminem?! And this is following the same year as “Hotline Bling” from Drake. Eminem but no J. Cole 4 Your Eyez Only?! Eminem but no Kanye The Life Of Pablo. Eminem but no Travis Scott Birds In The Trap Sing Midnight?! EMINEM but no Chance The Rapper Coloring Book. Make it make sense! Those are all 2016 releases. Eminem didn’t drop until 2017 with Revival. So then you’re talking Kendrick’s DAMN, Drake’s More Life, Rapsody’s Laila’s Wisdom, Jay-Z’s 4:44, and Vince Staple’s Big Fish Theory among others. MTV Europe Awards even had the audacity to nominate him again in 2018 this time along with Travis Scott, Drake, and the Migos. Fortunately, his lost out to Nicki Minaj.
These award shows create the machinations of validity the lens of the mainstream society. Even when rappers like 2Pac, Snoop, JayZ, Missy Elliott, DMX, etc. crossover, the favorite songs of the mainstream vary quite differently than the favorites of those from within the culture.
And now in 2021, we are already dealing with the propaganda from Eminem’s latest outing Music To Be Murdered By Side A and Side B. He’s already been certified gold and outsold artists like Roddy Ricch and DaBaby who dropped end of 2019. And like his previous projects, it debuted #1 on Billboard, but has an immediate drop off in terms of word of mouth after the first week, and it has ZERO hit songs that resonate in the streets. Once again proving that record sales don’t always equate to moving the culture.
What does it profit black people to create, when others receive the lionshare of the accolades and profits? There’s a system which enabled Elvis to co-opt and supplant Chuck Berry and Rosetta Tharpe. There’s a system which put out the images on television. Moreover, who determined and changed the trajectory of hip hop from its Afrocentric roots to violence, materialism, sex, and drugs?
The historical lack of black toys, superheroes, and action figures was by design. So the question is as Eminem ends the “Pespective” skit, how has he made a difference? In conclusion, I have to reiterate that none of this is to say that Eminem isn’t a great MC and an amazing lyricist. Again, I’m just saying he is not The GOAT.
Source: https://medium.com/@russelllawrencebenford/why-eminem-is-still-not-the-greatest-rapper-of-all-time-6bd14eead52d

The Ambling Sapient PART 5 (FINALE SECTION OMEGA)

FIRST|PREVIOUS|PROCEED TO EPILOGUES
->>>-
I looked down the length of the alien pistol and did my best to keep it from trembling.
I don't know what the fuck happened in here after I tossed the dead soldier's grenade, but it didn't look pretty. One wounded guard, who I shot, one healthy looking guard, who I was in the middle of sticking up, and one cowardly reptile in a fur cloak were the only ones left.
"Don't fucking move that gun or you're dead," I spat at the guard half of the pair, and I heard the room's translator suite hiss it back to him. He looked hesitantly over at his companion in the fancy cape.
"Hey, don't look at him, look at me. He doesn't have a big fuck-off plasma gun and an anxious trigger finger," I said.
Its gaze froze reluctantly, and I knew I had to press the advantage while it was mine.
"That's right, buddy. Eyes up here. Come on, what has that spoiled bastard done for you today? Any day, for that matter. I've only got one shot left in this thing, and I'll be damned if he isn't the one who deserves it in this room."
A lie, the one shot part at least, but I think it landed.
The guard gave me a wavering sort of look, and I didn't give anyone time to cut me off.
"You got dependents? A sick parent who can't afford their medical bills? I know a bad-ass royal guard like you has a mate waiting for you at home. A sinuous little mama lizard. Sparkling eyes. Gleaming, healthy dentition. A swing in her gait that you can spend all day watching and never quite grow tired of," I drawled.
The reptilian guard scratched a scaly jowl thoughtfully, this time giving its companion a much more appraising look.
I continued.
"That's what I thought. Stop trying to point that thing at me. Go home, copulate, spend the evening with someone you care about. Who cares about you. I don't want to shoot you. She doesn't want me to shoot you."
Slowly, the guard lowered the gunmetal device's muzzle to the floor.
His boss chose that moment to lose their composure. The smaller alien erupted in a series of incredulous growls and hisses, gesticulating furiously at the mutinous guard. The translator took a moment to catch up with the stream of vitriol.
"WHAT?! You're going to listen to this primitive filth? Get that gun back up this instant or you and your little serfshit whore will rue the day you turned your back on the Baron of Vraaawk."
What an asshole. His loss, though. I cut in quickly before the guard could reply.
"Don't talk about his lady that way you puffed up prick! She spends every day worrying something will happen to him in the line of duty - or worse, you'll have one of your mercurial little fits of anger and have him executed on a whim - until he walks back into their home. You haven't wasted an instant of worry in your entire miserable life on one of your guards. Nobody wants to die for you, you fucking snake."
"Oh shut up you mouthy little preystock piece of garbage. I'm going to flay you alive myself if I have to, but I'd rather not track down a loyal guard with a history of exemplary service and have them executed horribly for desertion to top off an utterly wasteful and tiresome day. I've lost more than enough staff already."
Smoke oozed along the soot-marred marble of the command-centre floor, and a small electrical fire guttered inside a ruined console. Golden detailing flashed in the competing lights and lent a crazed, dappled look to the dancing shadows.
The guard shouldered his weapon, and in a startling surge of motion aimed and fired. The fury of the gun's discharge filled the room, and the scent of ozone suffused the smell of burning wiring.
I had flinched at the sudden movement, and when I opened my eyes I was surprised to see all three of us still standing. A new smoking crater adorned a corner of the room.
The soldier turned to the royal.
"Black box is dead now. No evidence of my desertion will be recorded unless you survive. Fuck you both," it said.
It looked at me venomously, then at the fallen form of one of its comrades.
"Vol'vaax was a good colleague. A good mate and brood-pater to his whelps. Don't presume to speak to me of who deserves to live and die. The Red King cares not who is taken too late or too soon, or He would make better choices."
It rounded on the Baron.
"You. It's right, you know. Somehow it got you exactly right. You're miserable to serve. You're more dangerous to us than the damned revolutionaries!
I've seen you ruin lives, ruin entire families in fits of naked spite to soothe yourself after a scolding from the Emperor. You've had friends of mine executed for transgressions you commit as a matter of course.
The only reason I'm not killing you right now is because I think it will be an insult worthy of your shitheaded arrogance for this wounded monkey to shoot you to death with a gladiator's stolen gun."
With a snarl the scaly warrior turned and stomped past me, out into the Arena. He took his weapon with him.
The Baron and I both had the good sense not to say anything as he went.
Once he was out of sight, practically simultaneously, the royal and I turned to regard each other warily.
I opened my mouth, closed it, opened it again, and before I could speak I was cut off by a tinny voice coming from one of the less-damaged consoles.
"Uh, h-hello? Is anyone uh... aluh-live in there?"
The translator regurgitated it at much higher quality, in two languages at once, and the Baron's gaze shot from the source of the noise over to me.
I brandished the gun to keep him right where he was.
"Hi there, nervous voice. There are two of us in here," I said cautiously.
"Hey that uh, that isn't Vuh-Vraaawk. One of you is... the c-contestant, right?" they replied.
"I guess my cover is blown, you aren't going to drop an airstrike on my head now are you? I have a hostage in here."
A different voice came through this time, I guess I warranted attention from the big boys.
"You have WHAT?!"
"That's right asshole, I have your king shithead here at gunpoint and if you don't take my demands very seriously I'm going to see how much plasma it takes to detonate his scaly torso," I snarled at the console.
I didn't even need the translator to convey the incredulity of my counterpart's laughter. It was borderline hysterical. I was just starting to worry that I'd made a misstep of some sort when they collected their wits and replied.
"Ahh," they sighed, "I've been trying to get that bastard in a tight spot for a dozen orbits, and you just stride on into his gilded chambers with a stolen peashooter and take him hostage? What the fuck am I doing over here?"
My brain scrambled to process this tectonic shift in circumstances.
"Let me get this straight," I said hesitantly, "you're the enemy of my enemy?"
"Kid, if you kill Baron Zm'ag'Ma for me you can call me your best fucking friend. Hell, I'd slap prosthetic female frills on my head, paint a mating flush on my face and take you out for a night on the town if I thought it got me any closer to that tyrant's head on a platter."
Baron Dick Cheese? Lord Fuckwad? What's next? Duchess Booty Sweat of Swamp Ass?
"Let's save the first date for another time. What the fuck is going on here?" I demanded.
"Oh no, I'm not letting you get distracted by me so the good Baron can sneak out the back. Shoot him, then we talk," the voice said gruffly.
I shrugged, turning to the royal. He had already clued into what was happening and his lunge caught me before I could open fire.
Quickly enough, barely, I pulled the pistol away, shielding it from him. Sacrificing the side with my wounded hand to his fearsome grasp, I raised my arm to his talons.
They bit into bone, the flesh parting with little resistance. Warm blood flowed from the gashes, and I felt my ulna fracture as his momentum carried his weight through the snatching dive.
Wind was driven from my lungs and liquid fire soaked my insides as countless wounds that had just begun to settle down were violently reopened. Pain lit up my nervous system, and I howled as he bore me down to the floor.
I braced myself for a second wave of pain, threw myself into it, and my pained howl became a battlecry as I used my maimed arm and one of my knees to throw the Baron's scaly mass overtop of me. His head and shoulders cannoned into the sooty marble with a grunt and he tumbled away. I lost track of him because at the same time my torso connected with the ground and my senses were washed away in a torrent of agony.
The dull, swirling haze of smoke writhing across the roof was hypnotic. A man could lay there and watch it for far too long in a state like this.
Where was I again?
Oh shit. The Baron.
With a choked groan I flipped over and nearly drove my face back into the floor as I absentmindedly placed some of my weight on my broken arm. I looked down at the marble tiles, and it seemed like the room was spinning. Somewhere before me I heard a furious snarl as the Baron gathered himself for another attack.
Desperate, not even exactly sure where I was aiming for, I swung the heavy pistol in the direction of the noise. As my gaze rose from the ground I caught the beautiful sight of its casing connecting with the snarling royal's jaw. You could see the sense leave his eyes.
He swayed drunkenly, and I rose to one knee, then fought to stand. I raised the gun to his face. For just a moment I saw bleak recognition pierce the dull glaze of impairment. Then I squeezed the firing stud.
Unfortunately the gun finally chose this moment to let the significant beating it had sustained all day get to it.
It shook violently in my hand, and sort of coughed a glowing cloud in the Baron's direction. It also got obscenely hot very quickly, and burned the shit out of my hand before I dropped it. Smoke and steam vented from a series of pinholes that had eaten their way through the weapon's casing. I kicked it and it slid between the Baron's clawed feet.
I'm glad I did, because then the gun went off like a bomb. I was thrown through the air, and by some miracle I landed on the Baron's throne. It still hurt like hell, but if I'd hit one of the wrecked consoles or the stone floor I wouldn't have gotten up again. As it was I had burns all across the front of me, and the ringing in my ears that had just begun to subside was back in full force. I sat up, and blood began to run from my nose.
I guess dunking the pistol in a pool of industrial runoff and then beating the shit out of it violated the manufacturer's warranty.
The Baron was howling on the floor. Scales were flaking off of his seared frame. His eyes were rolling about in pain
I have to admit that even knowing he'd sentenced his subjects to myriad torturous deaths before, I felt a little guilty.
"What the hell just happened in there?" the voice asked anxiously.
"The gun didn't quite fire, more like sneezed on him and then blew up," I replied.
The voice sighed. "Subjugate-built piece of trash, I bet. That isn't a dig, obviously mistreated factory workers phone it in when you ask them to make guns for the militaries who are at present oppressing them.
Don't just stand there watching him hurt, you grub-soft little monkey. Go find a rock or a pipe and finish him," it said impatiently.
I scanned the room, spotted my implement of execution.
"Wait," the Baron croaked pathetically.
I looked down at him with disdain, hefting a fist-sized jewel I'd pried from the egotistical buffoon's throne. Bet he wishes he'd gone with the lightweight elegance of a high end office chair now.
"Uh uh, no way I'm letting your arrogant ass have a final monologue. Nobody cares, you incompetent megalomaniac."
I grunted at the sharp spike of pain that shot through my body as I brought the gleaming jewel down between the dying royal's eye sockets. The first impact slowed his movements, a second stilled his limbs, and a third one elicited a roar of agony from me and the wet crunch of collapsing bone from the Baron. I left the jewel embedded there, and after I rose I gave it a solid stomp for good measure.
That one was for Skleex.
"It's done," I said weakly.
The voice chuckled. "I like you, kid. I mean right now I love you, if we didn't have more work to do there would be three dozen people in this room with me celebrating the demise of the worst Satrap Vraaawk has suffered under in a quarter-millennium."
"You're welcome," I replied, voice shaky with pain.
"This is General Gro'magh'Rakh, retired, of the Vraaawk Colonial Army. I am currently heading the Vraaawk division of the Oppressed Peoples' Revolutionary Corps, and you just helped me to accomplish the second most difficult task on my to-do list. I don't want to understate the service you just rendered me and mine, contestant."
"Rebels huh? Good. Call me Mark, contestant reduces me to a willing participant in this madness."
"It's an honour, Mark. My condolences about getting caught up in all the mess.
The Baron was a cruel and cowardly leader, a better entertainment producer than ruler by a vast margin. The popularity of The Contest Empire-wide was probably the only thing allowing him to retain his hold on the Satrapy here. Tithes are down, and most planets under Vraaawk rule suffer rolling shortages of everything from food to electricity to breathable air on some of the more industrialized worlds. Even Vraaawk Prime, the gleaming jewel of the Satrapy, grows more bloated and broken with each passing orbit.
It's easy to overlook the problems when it's some plant-eating subjugate species suffering elsewhere under Imperial rule, but when our own children are starving - or being abducted for Red King knows what sort of horrific mistreatment at the hands of the elites - people start to realize that things can only get so foul at the roots before the sickness comes creeping up to higher echelons of Skryrn society.
We've struggled for too long under the Empire's yoke, and below us countless more have suffered far worse than most Vraaawk. It's a listing, juddering tower of scapegoats, and it gets closer to falling down all the time.
Not a day goes by that we don't have to search for some new people to conquer, some pristine garden of a world to doze and till and harvest and plunder until it too is a dusty, barren ball of death and sadness.
It isn't stable, but it's stable enough for the Skryrn and their callous Emperor to ignore the unraveling. Vraaawk too, to a lesser degree. Things are worse, but not a lot worse, if you're part of a successful janissary species.
They're a lot worse for the subjugates.
We rely on them, all of the Empire's warrior societies rely on them. We don't treat them that way. We starve them. Beat them. Pilfer their brightest minds to develop our weapons of war. Round up their dimmest ones for disposable labour. We work them to death and call it a taste of the Empire's glory, a chance to be a part of something greater than they are...
And if they refuse we grind them into dust and ash and splintered bone, and repopulate their worlds with more compliant slaves."
Somehow, despite the mind-numbing, sanity-abrading, naked and malevolent adversity of the day, I found it within me to feel a new kind of sick. A grey, jaded sort of melancholy at the ugliness of the universe.
We're no saints, and our history is full of the sort of shameful callow cruelty the general had just spelled out to me, but Humankind is on a slow crawl in the opposite direction. No major wars, no catastrophic human-precipitated megadeaths, since before our first extraplanetary colony was founded. To learn that the worst echoes of our past are but a line item in the blood-soaked ledger of sapient misery took something out of me I didn't know I still had.
Ignoring my defeated sigh, he continued. "I'm saying all of this to establish that, as the man in charge of the malcontents who keep murdering government officials and stealing Imperial resources I still consider myself and the brave rebels with me to - mostly - be the right side of this little shadow war. There is collateral damage, there are grieving innocents. I still lose sleep over it every time one of my fighters turns their weapon on the wrong target. I'm not so sure my counterparts in the Imperial Military do."
I laughed cynically.
"Oh go ahead and ask then. I know when I'm being groomed for a request."
He cleared his throat before replying. "Sharp, kid. We could use a few more like you in the Rev Corps."
Hell of a talent shortage, I thought sardonically, but I didn't interrupt.
"As I said, I just crossed the second most difficult task off of my list. Day I'm having, feels like it would be squandering it not to go for number one. Brand while the iron is hot.
The Empire is not going to take your assassination of their puppet very lightly, Mark. Pha'Gouad wasn't particularly fond of the dolt, but he can't allow any of the other angry little kingdoms under his rule to get any big ideas."
My wounds throbbed, and my focus waned. I cut him off, "I don't want to sound flippant, but barring a miracle I don't have a ton of time left. What part do I still have to play in all of this?"
"You're going to help us kill the Emperor," he said drily.
I took a moment to process.
"Maybe I do need some more context," I said.
A scaly laugh came from the speakers.
"My data espionage section is running roughshod over the network defenses of the Contest and its associated government departments, including a small but significant portion of the local military infrastructure. For at least the next few minutes we can see every 'mesh-connected device in the Home Guard's arsenal.
That includes a crashed Mark Twelve gunship a few hundred metres from the command centre you're in right now, kid. We reset the missile rack with a test code. It'll launch the entire payload when it detects a guide laser in the right spectrum."
I'm getting kind of tired of this guy calling me kid, but now that I sense I've got some leverage I'm not about to spit on the 'indulgent old dude' routine.
I asked, "My beam gun blew up, remember? I don't even think it was shooting lasers."
He didn't miss a beat. "The dead guard on the floor whose rifle we are factory resetting at the moment should do just fine, Mark."
"My arm is broken, are you sure you want to trust my aim with this thing?" I said with uncertainty.
"If you can point it at a giant balloon for 3 seconds you'll be an immortal hero of the revolution."
Perfect. Now I get to make my request.
The laser rifle on the floor tootled cheerily and I had to fight an urge to laugh at the absurdity. Once I started I might never stop.
"Martyr of the revolution more likely," I corrected, before continuing. "Look, I need something from you."
He sighed. "Kid, I have more than twenty thousand partisans activating or already fighting around the city. A lot of them are going to die. Maybe most of them. It won't be long before I leave to join the fighting at the Home Guard airfield myself.
Make your request, and I swear we'll record it. I can't promise this revolution will survive what's coming... Our chances of success improve tremendously if you can help us kill the Emperor. The chaos will throw whole systems into revolt. Instead of the upstart rebellion for Imperial forces to make an example of Vraaawk will simply be the spark that ignites a long-overdue wildfire. It won't be pretty, but it might be the start of something less ugly than this abomination of an Empire.
There are forces larger than any one of us on the move now, but if I am able I will honour your request. If I am killed today my subordinate here will do his best in my stead."
"I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate that, sir.
When I woke up this morning, the translator knew my part of the galaxy. My solar system is between the front and middle third of the Orion-Cygnus arm," I began.
"That's a long way from here, Mark," he interrupted.
Unperturbed, I continued. "You guys dragged me back here quickly enough. I just need you to send a message for now, anyway. The assholes who abducted me did it pretty trivially, as far as I can tell. I just went to sleep at home and woke up on the floor of a cell.
It's terrifying that they can do that to a supposedly free and protected citizen of the Earth Sphere of Influence.
I need to warn my people about the threat of the Empire. They could help you general. We're no strangers to war, and if an interstellar one is going to sweep us up anyway I know we'd rather be on the side that's fighting against tyranny. If nothing else we need to start watching the skies more closely so that nobody else can be taken like I was."
He sighed. "Mark, the Royal Academy keeps subjects in stasis fields for hundreds or thousands of days. Their ships go out almost empty and return years later with holds full of captives. Sometimes they're nearly devoid of crew when they get back. Some don't return at all.
Even our fastest communications will take decades to reach your home, probably."
"I can hear the 'but' in your voice," I interjected.
"If we succeed today, if we can topple the Baron's corrupt mockery of a government, I'll gain access to Space Navy assets. That includes FTL probes. A single probe is nothing in the grand scheme of a rebellion, but it is more than capable of traversing a designated area of space while broadcasting a message. We can use it to make contact. I don't know what help they'll be able to render from so far away, but my rebellion will take any hidden advantage it can," he said.
"It's a deal," I replied triumphantly. "I kill Lord Fuckwad for you, you tell my people we aren't alone out here and we've got some fucking work to do before we get too comfortable."
He burst out laughing. "Copulation-gobbet! Just a vulgar epithet or does it have some deeper meaning?"
I grinned. "His name sounds the same as that lovely little moniker in my language, it's been the one thing I've enjoyed about this hellhole. Besides Skleex, I guess. No offense."
He collected himself before replying, "None taken, Mark. We locked you in a cage and then made you fight for your life. Terrible first impression.
I'd love to stick around all night and talk shit about the Empire, but I have to join the rest of the fighters at the airfield. If we can't keep those Imperial strike fighters busy their point defenses will be able to swat down anything that downed gunship can throw into the air. That means keeping the Home Guard and their royal handlers at bay long enough to scramble more stolen interceptors."
"Alright, I had better get my ass in gear before I bleed to death anyway. Good luck, general. I hope you don't lose any more than you need to out there," I offered.
I could hear him grow serious even through the translator. "Kid, if there's any good luck to go around I'm sending it your way. All twenty thousand of us would readily sacrifice ourselves if it meant getting Pha'Gouad. Stay safe out there. The guard whose rifle you're taking has a personal data assistant in his tac-webbing that will let you keep in touch with my subordinate here."
Well there you go. I have a gun and a phone, nobody can stop me now. All it cost was my old gun and any hope my wounds had of healing over tonight.
"Acknowledged."
I winced as I stooped to loot the dead soldier, and the gun beeped when my hand slipped around its grip. A lizard-voice said something, and a moment later the translator caught up with it.
"Sole user registered. Weapon is live."
I wish I could tell you I looked bad ass hobbling out of the burning command centre, but I was covered in blood, soot and pond slop. My clothes were starting to dry into a suit of crusted, stinking armour. I probably looked like a zombie. My whole body throbbed.
Just try and stop me, I thought spitefully, and my grip on the laser rifle tightened.
->>>-
With a shudder that shook the ground [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s] finally collapsed.
The selfseed's merciless passage had ravaged its insides, and tens of thousands of litres of ichorous slop had leaked from within its carapace to the furroughed ground below.
The seed, finally, was resting in its new home.
Already wriggling tendrils were unfurling to probe and taste and consume its environment. In places its own body fought with its offspring, and the apex was too tired to fight itself. It took some satisfaction from the fact that the tenacious godseed was winning against mature-growth tendrils and battle-limbs.
Clever little thing.
It had not the strength to bury the seed, but it suspected that simply dying atop it would provide as much protection as anything else the vast being could muster in its present state. If the preythings were that determined to dig up the embryonic mountain it guessed that nothing it was capable of would suffice to stop them.
It readied itself to break the tether. As much as it would have liked to hang on to the very end to continue imparting knowledge and ideas, it worried what effect being tethered to a dead mind would have on its spawn.
Madness was not an uncommon fate for the seeds, a consequence of their interminable gestation/germination periods.
I go now, to die, it sent.
Yes, I know, came the bitter reply.
Hide/grow/survive, it sent, colouring the link with the strongest sense of encouragement it could muster.
I will, promised the seed dutifully, and [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s] felt pride so vast and all-encompassing that it came another step closer to accepting its own end. Immortality was an intimitely familiar concept to the long-lived and brilliant apices, but it thought it might be the first to contemplate it under such circumstances. It sent a measure of that warmth along the link, and felt its echo wonder at the powerful emotion.
Hope, it sent finally, and it severed the tether.
Unlike the mere wriggling preythings that comprise the bulk of their diet, dying for apices is no short and simple affair. It is more akin to a gradual unraveling. One great thing becomes many less great things, and so on until individual limbs, systems and supercells are fighting each other for survival in something that has gone from living mountain to part of the land itself. It takes a very long time indeed.
Its vast, seething consciousness started to dissolve. As it waited [18Hz:2.5s-31Hz:1.7s-24Hz:2s] began to sing its funeral dirge, and for the last time the ancient creature shook the land with its voice.
->>>-
Noise.
All the world had gone from sticky prison to labrynthine reverberation chamber, and if she didn't escape she was going to die.
She had planned on dying here anyway, exhausted and slick with the acid blood of a fallen deity, but something about the sheer animal panic fomented by the all-consuming roar drove her to action.
She stretched painfully to full extension, latching her fangs to the flesh wall in front of her. She savaged and tore, and hunks of weeping tissue slid down the creature's sinuous insides to rest against her ventral flank.
The Sound continued, and agony emanated from Skleex's shaken sensory spines. Insensate, she began to scream back, finally opening her respiratory pores and releasing the stale breath she had been desperately clinging to since the beginning of this monstrous odyssey.
She plunged her face - mainfangs pressed together into a piercing beak - into the growing wound, and felt something begin to give.
Triumphantly, unthinkingly, she wormed her way deeper, instinctively searching for a vital organ or circulatory bundle that wasn't there.
All of a sudden she realized some building pressure was now forcing her, driving her through the parting folds and greasy corridors of alien insides.
Then she was free and clear of the beast. The herniated respiratory tract she had been digging through ruptured as she shot through its membrane, and the gale force of the trapped breath behind her propelled her like an airgun pellet. She felt curling tendrils of raging air-current scour clean the bulk of her sensory spines and other protrusions.
The sudden release of pressure threw her almost straight up, and she blazed through a ragged crack in the giant's carapace, a scar of one of its earlier battles.
Up, up, up she rose, and - deliriously - she thought she would never stop. The cool evening air, laced with stinking pollutants though it was, had never tasted so sweet.
Finally her lithe form began to arc back towards the ground, and despite her ichor-burned eyelets she thrilled at the view.
This is the highest one of the allkin has ever flown, surely, she thought with awe as she took in the darkened Arena below. Scattered lights, both static and portable, were interspersed with the still-faintly-glowing cells that had housed her and the rest of the contestants at the start of this horrible day.
A bright flash of energy - one of the Sky-Monster weapons - tingled painfully as it washed over her raw sensory spines. It was like trying to hear over the muffled ringing that follows a too-loud sound, soft and imprecise. Nevertheless she was able to roughly pinpoint its origin, and angled herself in that direction.
An opportunity for a quick and glorious death in combat, or if she lucky enough that contestant was about to best hunter, a new friend.
For some reason it didn't occur to her that other contestants might not be so ready to ally with a stranger.
She opened her tattered fletch-membrane with a hiss. Though it would have been the easiest way to end the whole endeavour, Skleex was fairly certain the Skies did not clutch to their bosom the souls of fool kin who brought about their own demise, and so was less than eager to hit the ground at terminal velocity.
Gingerly she fought against the buffeting wind, carving her way through the sky in a series of graceful undulations.
To anyone who spoke her tongue the effect would have been diminished somewhat by the stream of pained expletives seeping from between her mandibles.
She approached the land, moving too fast and all too aware of it. Her ruined senses were barely up to the task, but frantically the little huntress scanned for something softer than rock to land on.
Burning metal artifice? No...
Sloughing debris-pile? Better...
She was running out of time now, and had to decide quickly.
There!
->>>-
A hunk of masonry snagged my toe, snapping me from my delirious reverie. I half-wished it hadn't as I became aware of the pain again.
I looked about and realized this was it. The scattered masonry is a direct consequence of the crashed gunship dominating the intersection of two city streets, the remains of buildings the thing must have struck on the way down.
Nearby was the wake of destruction wrought by the dying monster, and as if summoned by my thoughts I heard a low rumble begin somewhere far off. Unlike the periodic growls it had been emitting all day, this only seemed to grow and grow.
At least I knew it wasn't too close.
I felt the droning sound morphing slowly, could sense the faint suggestions of currents of complexity that somehow seemed beyond my comprehension but not my appreciation. Pleasant tone shifts and the very peaks of soaring infrasonic riffs resolved from the wall of noise, wellsprings of sweet transient meaning upon a mountain of cold eternity.
It's singing, I thought, awestruck.
I realized I was weeping, runnels of tears carving pale lines through the foul reef of blood and grime that crusted my face. I started to shudder, my breath growing short as great heaving spasms of pent up emotion wracked my taut, screaming frame. I fought not to retch, breathing as deeply as I could and planting my feet - miraculously uninjured in the chaos of today - to ground myself.
Jesus fuckin' Christ what is this day? What the fuck am I doing? Assassinating an alien emperor? This is fucking crazy. This is a fuckin' hallucination or something and I gotta vomit and
...
Inhale...2...3...4...Exhale...2...3...4...
Sweat drenched my body, and suddenly I felt the chill of the evening air. I focused on the steady sound of the giant's song, and eventually the panic attack passed.
I shivered.
I fished the dead guard's PDA out of my pocket. After we'd established what I wanted said and where I wanted it sent I'd put the PDA - and the rebel on the other end - away to focus on getting to the gunship. The general's guy was... I want to call him a typically poor conversation partner for a tech worker. I was half dead and starting to lose it a little, so I'm sure I was no rose either.
"I'm here, what now?" I asked.
"You uh... you okay?" he said, ignoring my question.
"Been better, now lets get this over with," came my terse reply.
"Um, right. Y-yeah you j-just n-n-need to aim and fuh-fire. The m-missiles will fuh-follow the b-b-beam."
Despite the stutter, this guy's better at getting to the point than half the assholes I work with.
"That won't be happening," I heard, just before the world turned upside down.
A loud bang sounded very close to my head, and I was thrown off my feet again. One would hope you'd get used to it, but it actually gets worse every time I hit the ground. I'm getting so very tired of hurting.
"Who the fuck are you?" is what I wanted to say, but it came out more like "Unghhhhhh..."
"Ahh, and now it moves!" came the familiar-sounding drawl, and with mounting disgust it dawned on me.
The fucking announcer.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the shithead primitive still dumbly, desperately clings to life, not yet aware that its doom has already arrived," the asshole gloated.
My swimming vision began to resolve somewhat. I turned my head in the direction of the blurry orb that seemed to be speaking.
"F-" I started before devolving into a wet coughing fit that sent knives through my chest.
"Don't hurt yourself, contestant." Then the little prick had the gall to chuckle at himself.
"Literally millions of you vermin have been in this exact position before, and believe me when I say it's easier to just give up."
Finally I found my voice. "Not yet, shithead... I still need to kill your boss and fuck your mom."
"Yes, about that," he began distastefully. "I heard your little chat with the 'general'. For all their disdain for our security, they do little enough to secure their own communications."
He drifted towards me on a cool evening breeze.
"There will be none of that," he started severely.
"I have worked for lifetimes to secure my position. I have trampled upon the dreams and lives of hundreds of rivals, colleagues, competitors, to reach my station. I have, solely and squarely upon my own merits, clawed out a niche amongst the very apex of the Empire's elite. This horrible day has done nothing but threaten the stability of my position. First your insolence right on a broadcast! I nearly lost my composure, but I knew the fate that awaited you should have been punishment enough. Damned disappointment that turned out to be.
If that wasn't enough the Emperor's accursed megabiote was completely unpredictable. I mean really, ballistics? Why would a living mountain need ballistics? Royal Academy literature tells us the trait is limited to dead ends like fish and shit-flinging monkeys. Took the bloody Guard to finally deal with it!
Then this mess with the command centre and the rebels. It's astounding how badly that puppet managed to bungle everything, but by the Emperor he got what he deserved.
I think I rather appreciate your killing of the Baron. You will not slay the Emperor."
He gesticulated with a pistol-looking device as he went, and I realized he must have shot me.
I tried to sit up, and my body quickly told me that wasn't happening quietly or without effort.
Trying to sound defiant, I spat, "What are you going to do about it, barfbag?"
I don't know if it was the long day or just my insistent vulgarity that broke him, but he finally lost it.
"I'm going to shoot you! I'm going to shoot you with my fucking laser gun and kill you, dead, so you can't complicate my life anymore, you fucking idiot!"
He puffed himself up and jammed the muzzle of the device into my face. Rude, but far from the worst transgression I've suffered today. About fucking time, alien hellhole. I've been waiting for this all goddam day. Bye-bye, interminable agony. Bye-bye, oppressive fear and anxiety. Good luck rebels, you all are going to need it.
The announcer must have gotten tired of waiting for his attempted intimidation to land.
"Say goodbye, vermin," he spat venomously.
A shadowy bolt shot out of the night sky and cannoned into him. I was treated to the bizarre sight of his spherical form distorting around the impact, like a yoga ball colliding with a flying medicine ball. He grunted and slammed into the ground, but despairingly I noted that he kept his grip on the laser pistol. Then my heart soared as I realized what the shadowy bolt really was.
Skleex! My favourite knife-slinky was collecting her wits, laying atop the announcer.
To his credit he recovered faster than either of us, and threw her to the ground. I saw the pistol wrapped up in his tentacle and knew what was coming next. Desperate not to lose her again, I scanned the ground in front of me.
To my horror, my dismembered arm stared back up at me. I looked dumbly down at my left shoulder, saw the crater of burned flesh where my body was supposed to be. The world began to spin.
My guts froze as I heard the snap of a laser discharge and Skleex's frantic chittering. I tore my gaze from my ghastly wound and saw she was still writhing and leaping and fighting to avoid the announcer's aim.
Suddenly I noticed the sound of the rebel tech's voice, remembered the stolen PDA. I found the glow of its screen on the ground, and with the announcer's words echoing in my head I snatched it up.
the trait is limited to dead ends...
I'll show you a fuckin' dead end, pal.
I went to a place I hadn't been since I was about 13. In my mind's eye I was at the Holden ballfield, about 12 minutes from home on foot, 4 if I had a good game and my stepdad drove me home after. That asshole is standing at home plate with a high-end aluminium bat yelling at me to send him another fastball. Every time he cranks one of my pitches out of the backfield (which back then was a lot because I was a kid and he was an angry adult) I have to sprint to get it, and then we start again. I've been feeding him curveballs and sliders too, and even now he's starting to struggle to get them. But "trick pitches are for pussies and noodle-arms who can't fuckin' throw, Mark," and so he bawls harder for the fastball every time.
"What, you a goddam pussy, can't beat me man-to-man?"
I stare him down again, plant my feet, ignore the pain and the fatigue soaking my muscles, the hardness in my heart, and I let fly.
Now, as then, it hit the bastard right in the head.
Now, unlike then, there is no fear to discolour the aftermath. Only triumph.
The bulbous pusbag grunted, a fainter echo of Skleex's impact.
[CONTINUED IN COMMENTS]

Warsim 0.8.2.9 (The TJ Bugsmash Update, 330 features)

Hey Everyone,
So this update has come about while I've been planning the combat stuff, I've been given an ungodly amount of bug reports by a diligent Warsim community member known as TJtheSoundBoard and u/TheSoundBoard on reddit. Getting the bugs sorted is always important so I've been trawling through them and caught/added new things along the way. I hope you guys like it!
TERRAFORMER'S TROVE (4 features)
TJ made a suggestion that terraforming should have a chance to reveal loot, now you can get all sorts of stuff.

Added chance of discovering a chest of loot in the ground when ordering land to be terraformed (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added rare chance of discovering pile of 2-7 bluetrii fruit in the ground when ordering land to be terraformed (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added rare chance of discovering a chest of 20-5000 gold coins in the ground when ordering land to be terraformed (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added rare chance of discovering a chaos orb in the ground when ordering land to be terraformed (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)

ENLISTING SONS ENCOUNTER (11 features)
There are several variants for the 'Sons for hire' type encounter in the throne room, after ending up here due to a bug report by TJ I ended up expanding the reactions to be unique depending on the variant.

Added sound effect for boys enlisting or forced enlisting throne room encounter (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 4 text bugs in boys for enlistment in throne room encounters (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'boys for hire' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'unchallenging work lads' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'too many sons' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'orphan sale' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'village elder decree' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'no good bastards' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'two problems' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'militia like deal' throne room encounter
Added new reaction for forced enlistment and hiring in 'strong lineage man' throne room encounter

MUSHROOM TRIP IMPROVEMENTS (13 features)
I've tried to expand these trips a little bit, some extra encounters and some polish on the ones currently there.

Added trip themes for Mushroom trips (mixed, good, bad)
Made some trip encounters specifically only appear during good/bad or mixed trips
Fixed issues with many trip encounter graphics sizes
Fixed 15 text bugs with trip encounter texts
Rewrote several trip encounter texts
Added 'I think I feel happy' trip encounter
Added 'Where's my hand' trip encounter
Added 'Floating head' trip encounter
Added 'Watching eye' trip encounter
Added 'Loving eye' trip encounter
Added 'Character revelation' trip encounter
Added 'Wiggle your face' trip encounter
Added 'Words...' trip encounter

NAIRO'S PARTY EXPANDED (6 features)
Just a few new additions to the best houseparty in Darkdale

Added second followup reaction to Myck being offered ale twice at a party at Nairos
Added new nairo event 'hello my good friend'
Added new nairo event 'if you're thirsty'
Added new nairo event 'an encore, of course'
Added new nairo event 'it's got a kick'
Added new nairo event 'Two words'

BLACKMARKET SLAVERY (6 features)
TJ mentioned that when banning slavery in the Blackmarket, the previously enslaved people seemingly evapourate... now they are accounted for, and the system in-general has been expanded.

Added new screen when banning slavery in the Blackmarket (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added random number of free Blackmarket slaves join slums population (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added remaining freed slaves in Blackmarket become scum for hire in the slums (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added new screen when legalizing slavery in the Blackmarket (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added +3 public opinion gain for banning Blackmarket slavery
Added -5 public opinion loss when legalizing slavery

THE GAMBLER RETURNS (4 features)
A lot of people were asking for more follow up throne room encounters that progress over time, while testing I found a good candidate for this, giving a gambling man a small sum of gold. Now there are several potential things that could happen if the gambler gets lucky!

Added 1 in 3 chance that man asking for gold to gamble with returns later in the throne room
Added gambler made something of themselves throne room encounter (gambling gold granted follow up)
Added small fortune throne room encounter (gambling gold granted follow up)
Added return what you gave me throne room encounter (gambling gold granted follow up)

ORB SELLER NOW BUYER (5 features)
TJ mentioned that the Blackmarket orb seller should be able to also buy orbs, I've given him a little overhaul to fit with this, he sells them for 10k but buys them for 5k.

Added ability to sell chaos orbs to Blackmarket orb seller (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Rewrote orb buying screen and text to allow for multiple orbs
Removed useless screen for not having the gold to buy an orb from the orb seller
Fixed being booted out of menu for orb seller when buying an orb
Made it so that orb seller has 1 in 15 chance per year of gaining a new orb

DARKDALE TAX CHANGES (2 features)
TJ rightfully pointed out that as Darkdales ruler, removing a few of the smaller local businesses should have some effect... so now it does.

Added closing Kaff's legitimate goods reducing Darkdale tax by 1% (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added closing goblin slap stall reduces Darkdale tax by 0.1% (credit TJTheSoundBoard)

SLEEPY'S STALL (10 features)
A homage to a good friend, find this strange new character in Darkdale's market district!

Added new location 'Sleepy's Stall' to Darkdale Market District
Added the ability to pay sleepy to pet cats
Added the ability to pay sleepy to light coloured candles (15 types)
Added the ability to pay sleepy to drink an ale
Added special screen for sleepy getting too drunk
Added ability to talk to sleepy (10 dialogues)
Added ability to shut down sleepys stall if you run Darkdale
Added closing sleepy's stall reduces Darkdale tax by 0.2%
Added ability to find sleepy again in a secret location if he's been removed from Darkdale
Added ability to talk to sleepy after Darkdale removal (6 dialogues)

A NEW CHEAT (1 features)
A hillarious suggestion that I had to put in.

Added new cheat code '2020' that causes plague (credit Minty and Defender)

NEW NAME PREFIXES (31 features)
A heap of new character name suffixes inspired mostly by a member of the Warsim discord with the name Titan of War, now we've got all the titans.

Added new name suffix 'the Titan of War' (+60 battlescore) (Credit Titan of War)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan' (+49 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Speed' (+45 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Strength' (+52 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Mercy' (+30 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Death' (+62 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Love' (+60 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Hate' (+59 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Loss' (+44 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Murder' (+61 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Bones' (+60 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Blood' (+60 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Sleep' (+39 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Swords' (+49 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Steel' (+52 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Shields' (+42 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Skulls' (+61 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Wit' (+39 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Pain' (+59 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Evil' (+60 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Good' (+60 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Gold' (+55 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Iron' (+49 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Sacrifice' (+45 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Day' (+35 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'the Titan of Night' (+40 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'The Meatflesh' (+5 battlescore) (can be further randomly generated)
Added new name suffix 'The Stocker' (+1 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'The Combatant' (+12 battlescore) (can be further randomly generated)
Added new name suffix 'The Candle-Lighter' (+1 battlescore)
Added new name suffix 'The Treejumper' (+10 battlescore)

NEW CHARACTER NAMES (3 features)
A handful of new possible names thanks to Warsim Patreon supporter Joe! Thank you a bunch for the support :)

Added new Dwarf name 'Borek' (Credit Joe Benavides)
Added new Human name 'Borkrid (Credit Joe Benavides)
Added new Lich name 'Gal'berik (Credit Joe Benavides)

CAVE GNOME VISITORS (2 features)
TJ suggested that the hirable throne room gnome insult entertainers should be different if you've discovered the cave gnomes, it's a good idea and now it's in!

Added discovering cave gnome village gives alternate insult battle hirable entertainers from throne room who cost 5x less (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added 3 alternate dialogues for cave gnome insult warrior entertainers

THRONE ROOM MUSICIAN CHANGES (3 features)
After a suggestion of having the hirable entertainers from the arrange entertainment section of the throne room refuse to come if your relation to the musicians guild is too low, I've decided to expand the idea to include an opposite effect if you have a really high relation.

Added hireable musicial solo entertainers are free if you have 100+ relation to musicians guild
Added hireable musicial solo entertainers refuse to visit you if you have -100 relation to musicians guild (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added 2 new descriptions to musicial entertainer category screen depending on relation to musicians guild

GOLD INDICATION (65 features)
There are still areas where you spend gold that it isn't clear how much you have, this is another attempt at sorting that out AND MY GOD trawling the throne room encounters was a pain.

Added missing current gold indicator to champion market in Darkdale
Added missing currnet gold indicator to history guild if you haven't registered
Added missing gold indicator to child wants coin throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to unit for hire throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to broken fence complaint throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to favourite chicken killed throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to stolen apple throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to chicken killed throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to stolen coin throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to orc-lover throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to bedded throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to kicked the front door in throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to burned down farm over an apple throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to smelly wheat throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to apple tree chopped down throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to flower trampler throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to burn the village throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to he called me ugly throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to fled from a fight throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to punched my wife throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to chop the tree throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to robbed chamber pot throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to punched my snout throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to stick vs teeth throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to lost bet throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to borrowed and not returned throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to tricked out of a bag of gold throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to kicked in the balls throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to rocks and the kids throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to banner wearer angry man throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to goblin wants coin throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to hungry old man throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to old hag throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to man and sons throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to orphans for hire throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to village elders men of age throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to strong lineage throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to small goblin tribe for hire throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to chaos orb seller throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to stray cat throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to cattleless farmer throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to mother of dead soldier throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to slavers for hire throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to diplomat wants to leave throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to spymaster wants to leave throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to general wants to leave throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to farmer needs patrol throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to visiting bard throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to slum gold collector throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to gambler needs gold throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to warrior sword repair throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to knight wants to join order throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to knights want to join order throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to sick mother throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to coastal explorer trade route cost throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to acrobat throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to juggler throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to slave buyer throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to cursed frog man throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to goblin language trainer throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to anoint the grand champion throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to helmet designer throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to seer's services throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to ogre wants gold throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added missing gold indicator to vampire hunter's dues throne room encounter (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)

BUGFIXES (140 features)
Well... this is one of the meatiest bugfix sections I've had in recent memory... thanks a lot TJ!

Fixed personal champions who challenge arena grand champion and win get a new random face (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with monster pit music not stopping if music is disabled (credit Night_Shift_Sleepy)
Fixed goblin complaint in throne room text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed quit to desktop not working on forced ending (credit Minty)
Fixed ability to use dots in monster names causing save game invalidation (Credit Night_Shift_Sleepy)
Fixed 10 text bugs for high wage soldiers showing 'due to your high wages pair of soldiers join' text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 5 text bugs with magical explosion encounter 'An and unexplainable magical explosion' text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed exploration tutorial text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed vassal tutorial text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed diplomacy tutorial typo 'made' instead of 'make' (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed diplomacy tutorial text bugs (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed defensive combat tutorial text bugs (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed gold coin in the well text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed music disabled and reset incorrect music issue (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed 2 text bugs in miner texts (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed throne room tutorial text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Blackmarket leader who are you text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed mercenary tutorial text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed military tutorial text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed spacing bug in western region tutorial (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed gnome insult text error issue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed demon worshipper becoming a demon event not correctly showing as positive if you are a demon servant (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed peasants becoming demon worshippers not correctly showing as positive if you are demon servant (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed duplicate report of peasants becoming demon worshippers (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed man and sons throne room encounter incorrectly referring to player as lord regardless of lordly title (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Phenor defeated screen text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed not able to leave large rocky cavern until cave beast is killed (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed a queen will do as he does text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 22 text and layout bugs in Cave gnome screens
Fixed maze gnome reference to you as he regardless of gender (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Blackmarket trade rejection screen incorrect gender referenced (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed slavery advice piece incorrectly referring to player as king regardless of ruler title (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 35 text and grammar issues in Northern History lesson texts (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed life of death text bug with vampire hunter (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug in vampire hunter dialogue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug with frog in throne room encounter (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed sending the tall green man through a trap door instead shows the previous throne room visitor going down (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed all faces are ugly throne room reaction citing incorrect ruler title (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with many encounter reactions in throne room missing lines when showing +1 prisoner notifications (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed double public opinion change outcome from broken throne room reaction (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed wild vampire killed encounter not actually removing 1 wild vampire from the population (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed no option to send slave soldier asking for promotion through a trap door (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed soldier imprisoned fights and is killed still showing +1 prisoner (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed the goblin stone location name bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Hek Plon note at strange statue encounter text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 5 text bugs in strange statue generic text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed painting hung up in throne room not being saved once you load a save (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed I am monster text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed unfinished master hunter text for trade caravans (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed knight giving you 100 gold sound effect issue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed paying for helmet design in throne room sound effect issue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed waste of gold text shown with weak goblin ale even if you didn't pay for it (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 4 text bugs with sleeping with skeletons throne room encounter
Fixed sleepign with skeletons second layer of throne room encounter missing trap door option
Fixed 7 text bugs with the Oldest tree in Wildwood (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug in Old Northern carving (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 5 text bugs with Shadow assassins text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 text bugs with generic tavern dialogues (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 errors with cartographer's guild name text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 2 text bugs with Niklas the Bug Hunter's dialogues (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with Dockrow company owning elf (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed missing word in Doomstone fragment selling screen (Credit Defender)
Fixed 3 text bugs with Goblin Hall of Heroes text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug with Abandoned house text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with Dockrow random dialogue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 4 texts bugs with sewer mural screens (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed sewer mutant dialogue bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Pargo trade arms text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed chaos orb in sewer wall text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed monument of kings text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Attacking Harlaw mining company not cancelling their tribute to you (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed doomstone worshipper text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Bookrage text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug in Notes of a formerly angry man (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 4 Blackmarket locals dialogue typos (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 text bugs with fighters pit intros in Blackmarket (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug with Fighter's Pit patron text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed animal fight pit upgraded description text bug (credit Arnold18)
Fixed brawl pit winner shows as both winner and loser when you own pit sometimes (Credit Arnold18)
Fixed text bug with Gwyn dialogue (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 text bugs with Axe bucket ruins text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 4 text bugs with spear centre ruins text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 text bugs with Sharpest dagger ruins text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 2 text bugs in Nezale the nose's dialogues (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed speak to random local in the fighter's district option not working (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 text bugs with Blackmarket tours texts (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed exlixir stall text bugs (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with cheatsellers text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug in Bookseller's stall (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed freeing slave acussed of killing his master instead kills him (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue where entering extremely high bet in Arena breaks the game (credit Worksb64)
Fixed mushroom stall text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed newspaper stall text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug with abandoned house (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with celebration clock text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Blackmarket guard post text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 issues with central district visitors text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issues with mystery and wonder screen text (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed issues with long story origin text (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed issues with gambler king intro text (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed issue with demonic king origin text (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed issue with bandit king origin text (credit TheGamingDictator)
Fixed Baiaa laws screen text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with VoidArmy not staying active in game and jumping between save files (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed brawls still happening in the holy land regardless of special Blackmarket changes (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Blackmarket owned mercenary recruitment rates shown even when you don't own the market (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Demon horde uprising happens after your death even if you destroyed the Horde (credit Elfien)
Fixed demonic citadel text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed issue with knight peasant training text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug with ex-slave joiner encounter (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed jesters son encounter referencing king regardless of you title (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed wording of goblin god scepre relation changes (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed nomadic knight text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed goblin gift giver encounter text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed throne room blessing reaction text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 15 questing knight send off text bugs
Fixed knight not returning text issue
Fixed 2 text bugs in friend of slave encounters
Fixed tutorial and intro ceremony demonic staff not having red faces (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Pikener introduction screen for demon king doesn't have red face (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed diplomat has no red face in independent kingdoms diplomacy (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed diplomat has no red face in minor bandit diplomacy (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 2 text bugs in grand champion anointing event (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed text bug in crowd celebration of grand champion knighting event (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed reference to king in gold down the stream throne room encounter (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed mannequin text bug (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Kingdom of Krut victory screen blocked by bug and giving out alternate Krut revivial victory screen (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed 3 chopped gift tree text bugs (credit AlChestBreach)
Fixed issue with being unable to speak to Rihhm leader at all with no screen or indicator why
Fixed text bug with smallhaven elder refusal to speak screen
Fixed pit to arena upgrade text bug (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Pigsy the champion dialogue text bug (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Pigsy the champion origin text bug (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed knight quest mercenary liberation text bug (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed slave release screen text bug (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Beyond insane mode (difficult screen option 16#) had incorrect background difficulty modifier (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Plains race suffix description text bug (Credit llevus)
Fixed Darkdale taxes not showing up in kingdom reports (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Fixed Smallhaven trade post text bug
Fixed 15 text and spacing bugs in secret place dialogues

EVERYTHING ELSE (24 features)
Everything I couldn't fit in other sections is now here, quite a few changes, tweaks, and additions!

Made randomly generated name prefixes twice as common
Added new option to smash all chaos orbs instead of one by one (Credit felipemiguel051)
Added new indicator of orb or orbs lost in chaos orb smashing screens
Added indicator of Blackmarket toll gold being added to the treasury (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added new text for Koova when asked about the Demon gate if it's ruined (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Removed no coins to throw in the well uneeded screen
Replaced 12 references of King with ruler in advice texts (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added second page of information to throne room introduction explaining steward traits (credit YES YES YES)
Removed defunct demon hat display system from demon warder throne room encounters (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Rewrote release him outcome for sleeping with skeletons (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added new text blocking options if the player is unable to afford to watch performances in the magic threatre (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Rewrote fighter's district in Blackmarket intro text (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Reworked taxes and subsidies screen options to be clearer (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Rewrote faints to the floor throne room reaction (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Made knight isn't seen or heard from again outcome 25% more rare when sending questing knights
Removed 5 gold entry fee for watching beast fights (credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added indicator of tribute on main screen of huntsman's rest (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added indicators of trade starting and stopping with huntsman's rest when asked or cancelled (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added 2 new loadtips (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Made smallhaven elder refuse to talk to you if relation is -5 not -1
Added new indicator of trade deal with Blackmarket (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Made Rihhm and Smallhaven trade and tribute texts exactly the same (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Added a new screen for beating throne room sudden death game master for all his money (Credit TJTheSoundBoard)
Rewrote several secret place dialogues

SCREENSHOTS

Terraforming got me this lovely pot - https://i.imgur.com/2gNFsAe.png
A trove of gold - https://i.imgur.com/gDtpx6A.png
Dwarvern amulet... oh it's fake - https://i.imgur.com/kXbQ20h.png
100 relation to the musicians guild - https://i.imgur.com/TdUanjd.png
A friendly orc visitor - https://i.imgur.com/GyiLbDQ.png
-100 relation to the guild - https://i.imgur.com/Du7pqA0.png
Sleepy's stall - https://i.imgur.com/xyT4LPZ.png
The man himself - https://i.imgur.com/BcnYPFK.png
A fat cat - https://i.imgur.com/iAnqSrd.png
Slavery is banned - https://i.imgur.com/VE2u8iS.png
Orb trader - https://i.imgur.com/ASaHR59.png

WHAT'S NEXT
Well, I'm still in the early phases of the combat update planning and have some remnant bug reports to also work through so I'll keep trudging forward. Thank you everyone for the continued support and to those sharing ideas and reporting bugs, it's all helpful.
Cheers
Huw

Army of Spies DApp Project on Cardano

Hi Everybody, [Long post ahead. So read at your own peril. tl;dr for the project below.]
We are the people behind the Army of Spies DApp proposal currently in Catalyst Fund 3. We're longtime Cardano super fanatics. We're hoping that we're going to get really good feedback on our project in Catalyst. But, we also want to reach out to the rest of the Cardano Community who might not be actively perusing the projects in the Catalyst Fund 3. Mods, please let me know if this somehow shouldn't be posted here. Anyway, I'm going to post our proposal and plan below. We would love any and all feedback that anyone could provide. Obviously, there are monetary grants involved in Catalyst. But, we are actually just as excited for our little project just to see the light of day after working on it for so long. Our first draft of the whitepaper for this project was way back in Early 2018. We've put a ton of thought and effort into it since then including many drafts of the smart contract which is currently in Marlowe. We are slowly learning as we go. We also know our little project has a long way still to progress. So, we'd love any and all feedback if people here would be willing to give it a look. Obviously, we're editing this and making changes as we go. So this is all subject to change and revision.
Army of Spies
“...but at the length truth will out.”
William Shakespeare, The Merchant of Venice
tl;dr
Army of Spies is a Cardano based non-fungible native token product that creates a compensated “Curator” role in a smart contract powered marketplace that brokers obscure, or difficult to acquire, information. Blockchain derived finality and permanence of Curator role ownership will drive decentralized market growth via the efforts of each newly minted Curator. Army of Spies ultimately serves a public good as a decentralized public blockchain-based approach to the efficient allocation of information resources and erasure of non-mandatory information asymmetries powered by crowdsourced and bounty-based information discovery. The obscure, or difficult to acquire, information addressed by Army of Spies typically falls outside the reach of traditional blockchain oracle providers.
Table of Contents

Philosophy & Use Case
The Army of Spies User Experience
Under the Hood of Army of Spies
Marketing Strategies
Securities Law Compliance Strategies
Founder Team
2018-2025 Roadmap

Philosophy & Use Case
Our modern world, albeit drastically transformed by the internet over the last decades, is still a world of secrets and information asymmetry. Some secrets are necessary. Some are not. Among the unnecessary secrets are three broad categories of obscure or difficult to acquire information (“ODAI”): 1) information that someone doesn’t want revealed but has no legal or ethical right to protect, 2) mundane information that has value but is difficult to acquire, and 3) information that may hold an idiosyncratic value to one person but may still be inconvenient to acquire. These types of ODAI typically fall outside the grasp of traditional blockchain oracle providers. Let’s first describe these three categories of ODAI.
1) Information Someone Doesn’t Want Revealed
You don’t need to know the launch codes to the nuclear weapon arsenal of your favorite superpower. But, you do need to know if your elected officials are taking bribes from foreign corporate interests. It’s probably not okay for you to have the gate code to Taylor Swift’s estate. But, it’s probably okay for you to know the real identity of the land developer secretly buying up all the parcels of land on the same block as the corner store owned by your family. Some secrets are necessary. But, information is a valuable resource and its efficient allocation is generally a net positive for the progress of a technologically based society. In the case of those bits of information that are not mandatory secrets, the hidden hand of the market should guide disclosure. The whistleblower should be rewarded for telling the world that the politician is corrupt, and watchdog groups will gladly raise funds to secure the disclosure of that information. Someone who sees Kit Harington with long hair on the streets of London should be able to accept a reward for that information from a Game of Thrones superfan on the other side of the world. The shop owner should be able to ask if anyone can identify the looter on his security cameras who stole the inventory that cost his or her life savings. The peaceful side lines protester should be able to ask if anyone can identify the person who permanently blinded her with a traffic cone recklessly thrown at her head. A small time merchant should have a means to discover if the real buyer behind the strawman offer they just received was actually from their biggest competitor or from a random individual.
2) Mundane Information that is Difficult to Acquire
There are also less sensational more day-to-day categories of mundane information that might be valuable but difficult, costly, or inconvenient to acquire in isolation: you might want to know how long the line is at your favorite bar on Friday night at 10pm, but it might not be convenient to drive all the way downtown to find out. You might want to know if there are a lot of girls or guys at the bar, but you might know that you can’t trust the hostess on the other end of the phone line when you call the bar. You might be willing to pay a small fee to know exactly what size fly professional fishing guides are using on a trout stream near your hotel, but you might be unwilling to pay for a day of guiding that would normally be the entry point for that disclosure. The purchaser of a vintage motorcycle should be able to find out the old-timer secrets about what brand and type of modern oil contains the right additives for his engine without spending days combing through old Reddit posts. You might really need to know how much it costs to hire an experienced cardano smart contract developer. But, you might realize that you can’t trust the answers you get on Reddit.
3) Information that holds Ideosyncratic Value and is Simultaneously Inconvenient to Acquire
There might also be information that is only valuable to you but still inconvenient to acquire. You might want to know if your significant other is really at the gym with his friends or at the bar by his office with that one woman he works with. It might be valuable to understand if the cute barista who works at your local Starbucks on Monday mornings flirts with everyone to feed the tip jar or if she is actually just after you.
For a small reward, any intrepid bar goer will gladly shoot you a pic or video of the line out front, the crowd inside, or of your significant other in the corner with his beautiful coworker. The college student who lives a block away will gladly go see if your significant other’s car is parked in front of the apartment of a female “friend” for a small bounty. The trout guide can make a few quick bucks by disclosing what size of fly to use, and you can get that isolated bit of information without buying a whole day of guiding. Someone who has owned your make and model of vintage motorcycle for decades will gladly give up their favorite oil for a few bucks. Someone who recently had their family’s property purchased by a certain land developer will happily tell you how much the land developer paid per acre if there is compensation for that information.
Would this level of availability of information be a tidal shift for modern society? Maybe. Is it probably inevitable over a long enough timeline given that there is a hi def video camera in every pocket? Yes. In the future, there will be no more secrets. You WON’T be able to park in front of your mistress’s house anymore. But, you WILL be able to get verifiable insider information on how much that land developer is really willing to pay your family. We’ll all just have to adjust our behavior to conform to a world with greater transparency. The only question is how we manage and allocate that information discovery and transparency. Army of Spies is a project aimed squarely at efficient market based allocation of information resources via the creation of a decentralized public blockchain-based global marketplace for information transactions. Army of Spies will not aim to facilitate any information transactions that might constitute, encourage, or aid criminal activity, illegal political espionage, illegal corporate espionage, or any other information transaction deemed illegal by U.S or European authorities. But, Army of Spies does aim to facilitate the erasure of non-mandatory information asymmetries.
Why Can’t Traditional Blockchain Oracles Provide ODAI Efficiently?
Oracle providers in the blockchain space have created wonderful projects like Chainlink and Ergo to provide a bridge between real world data and the blockchain world. However, these Oracle solutions are more appropriate for reaching readily available public information such as crypto prices, the weather, and who won the latest sporting event. When it comes to ODAI, there may only be a handful of people in the world with access to the ODAI. How many people have caught fish on your favorite stretch of your favorite river in the last few weeks since the temperature changed and know exactly what fly to use? How many people are in that club right now where you think your significant other is hanging out with their ex? How many people hold information about exactly which modern oil will not hurt the engine of your particular make and model of vintage motorcycle over the course of 100k miles? It also isn’t predictable who will hold ODAI and be able to provide it at the right time and how long it will take to identify someone who does have the ODAI.
Oracles and oracle pools can be easily constructed and operate efficiently where it is predictable where information will reside. An oracle who will provide data about who won the MMA fight on Saturday night can be easily identified ahead of time and incentivized to provide that answer. However, the ultimate best provider of ODAI is often comparatively unpredictable and is best identified through a highly decentralized bounty and curation model as used in Army of Spies. Being a traditional blockchain Oracle is a job undertaken as a routinized future information processing task. The provider of ODAI just happens to already have that information or just happens to be in a position to acquire it more easily than others. The magic of Army of Spies lies in efficiently creating an exchange of value between that person and someone willing to pay for the ODAI and curating possible multiple competing sources of that ODAI.
Why does Army of Spies Require Crypto?
Army of Spies is a crypto-mandatory project in that erasure of information asymmetry can only be carried out via a broadly decentralized system. This manifests itself in three broad themes.
1) Lack of centralized data storage is vital to avoidance of death by regulation. Parties seeking erasure of information asymmetry of any kind may easily find themselves in an adversarial relationship with state actors wielding the regulatory hammer. Such parties ultimately live under threat of seizure and shut down of their centralized data storage and processing. Just as cryptocurrency has only survived regulatory fatality via decentralization, so shall Army of Spies.
2) User confidence in Army of Spies is only be possible where there is no centralized data to be discovered by adverse parties. Private entities holding user data are regularly subpoened for such data by state actors. Centralized user data storage is also subject to the illicit acquisition of user data by bad actors through security exploits. In our modern litigious society, users also face completely legal discovery of their data via litigation by other private parties. Centralized servers are especially vulnerable to all three of these threats to user data. These combined weaknesses of centralized data storage mean that a system for transactions in obscure information can only operate efficiently on a decentralized basis.
3) Finally, adoption of the platform will not take hold if there is a chance the financial side of the information transaction could be reversed once the info is already conveyed. You can’t take back info you have already delivered to someone’s brain if they cancel their payment for that info after delivery. Immutability is king in transactions that remove information asymmetries. There needs to be a guarantee that the compensation will be delivered once the information is revealed.
The Army of Spies User Experience
Let’s get into the gritty details of how Army of Spies will actually work from the user perspective.
The Intel
As a user, you will decide that you want to know a secret (the “Intel”). This secret might be what size caddis fly you should use to catch brown trout on the Weber River this weekend, if your significant other is working or with his or her ex, or what type of modern oil you should really use in your vintage motorcycle.
The Intel Bounty
You will also decide how much that secret is worth to you. This amount (the “Intel Bounty”) is the sum that will go to the person providing you with the answer to your question. You will go to the Army of Spies website (www.armyofspies.net) which will list all the different topical categories under which your secret might fall (the “Intel Categories”). You will select the most appropriate Intel Category for seeking the Intel.
In eventual iterations of the website there may also be information listed about the particular curator (the “Curator”) of that Intel Category. There could be ratings and reviews of that Curator along with the number of successful Intel Bounties the Curator has completed, how quickly they are completed on average, and the average size in USD or ADA of the Intel Bounties completed by that Curator.
Once you have selected your preference as to a particular Intel Category, you will click on a link to navigate to the forum set up by the Curator for that Intel Category. You will be the person creating this particular Intel Bounty (the “Bounty Maker”). The forum setup by the Curator of the chosen Intel Category (the “Curation Forum”) will display the address of the smart contract (the “Smart Contract”) related to that Intel Category and Curator. You will send your Intel Bounty there in the chosen amount of ADA. You will then post your description of the Intel you are seeking (the “Intel Request”), the amount of the Intel Bounty you sent to the Smart Contract, and the ADA address from which you sent the Intel Bounty (for matching purposes). The Curator of that Intel Category will then confirm (using the ADA address you posted) that the stated Intel Bounty has actually been sent to the Smart Contract. This is where the Intel Source begins their work.
The Intel Source
Someone who knows the secret you are trying to uncover (an “Intel Source”) will then see your Intel Request and the Intel Bounty offered in the Curator’s Forum. The Intel Source will then post their proposed response to the Intel (the “Proposed Intel Response”) along with their ADA address. Their Proposed Intel Response and your Intel Request, will always be visible to everyone. There might also be other Proposed Intel Responses provided by other Intel Sources and they will also be visible to everyone. Not creating an “only the Bounty Maker can see the answers” architecture is intentional and probably key to adoption. New users will want to see the quality of Intel being provided before committing to pay a bounty for Intel in the same Intel Category.
The Curation Bounty
The Curator will be the ultimate judge and jury of which Intel Source wins the Intel Bounty (the “Winning Intel Source”). The Curator will also receive a share of the Intel Bounty (the “Curation Bounty”) equal to 10% of the Intel Bounty. The Curator will also act as moderator of the Curation Forum. The Curator will decide how long the Intel Bounty remains open and how many Intel Sources will be allowed to provide Proposed Intel Responses. The Curator will be able to promote his or her particular Curation Forum in whatever manner they wish. The Curator will also be strongly incentivized to provide a good experience to both Bounty Makers and Intel Sources alike since both will, in eventual iterations of the Army of Spies website, be able to review and rate the Curator for other Bounty Makers and Intel Sources to see. This same rating and review system will create a large disincentive for Curators to wrongly award Intel Bounties to undeserving Intel Sources or strawman sock puppet Intel Sources. This will discourage both dishonest curation and negligent curation by Curators. If either is happening, reviews and ratings will be negative and Bounty Makers and Intel Sources will just go to similar topical categories with better curation.
How Does One Become a Curator?
The Army of Spies website will sell non-fungible Cardano based tokens (“Curator NFTs”) corresponding to each Intel Category. The holder of the Curator NFT for each Intel Category will officially be the Curator of that Intel Category. The Smart Contract for each Intel Category will reference the Curator as whoever controls the address currently holding the relevant Curator NFT. So, the Curator position for each Intel Category will be easily transferable with the disposition of the relevant Curator NFT. Anyone seeking to buy a Curator NFT will simply search the Intel Category catalogue on the Army of Spies website. If the proposed Intel Category is not already taken or filtered as illegal by Army of Spies, the prospective Curator will be able to buy the desired Curator NFT. In the minimum viable product version of Army of Spies this will likely be done by contacting Army of Spies through the Army of Spies website and sending the prescribed amount of ADA for that Intel Category. In later iterations of Army of Spies, it is hoped that a more decentralized Smart Contract based purchase method will be developed.
The Intel Category corresponding to the Curator NFT will be strictly defined by the exact letters and numbers chosen by the prospective Curator as the name for the Intel Category. One person might choose to establish an Intel Category for “Tamarindo, Costa Rica Land Developers” while another might choose to establish an Intel Category for “Land Developers in Tamarindo, Costa Rica”. Both Intel Categories will be allowed and will correspond to different Curator NFTs that may be held by entirely different Curators. Both Intel Categories will appear in the list of topical categories on the Army of Spies website.
Upon purchase, the holder of the newly minted Curator NFT will be able to direct the link for that Intel Category to the Curation Forum setup by that particular Curator. Curators may choose to setup any type of forum they choose. This may be their own Subreddit, a self-hosted forum on a stand-alone website, or any other forum of their choice. It would be easy enough for Army of Spies to run centralized forums hosted on a controlled server. But, this would create a single centralized choke point that could be shut off by regulators and destroy the decentralized resilience of Army of Spies. Curators will also be able to promote their Curation Forum in any manner they want.
The Bounty to the Winning Intel Source
The Winning Intel Source would, of course, receive the remainder of the Intel Bounty which would be the Intel Bounty minus the Curation Bounty (i.e. 90% of the Intel Bounty).
Credentials and Evidence
Intel Sources may choose to bolster the strength of their Proposed Intel Response by providing evidence of credentials that would establish the veracity of their Proposed Intel Response. These credentials could be proof of education (e.g. here’s my diploma supporting that I’m an entomologist who knows what size flies are actually on the river right now), proof of expertise (e.g. here’s my Facebook account proving I’m a fishing guide who works on the Weber River every summer), or proof of experience (e.g. I’m not an expert on fishing but here’s a VLOG I did yesterday while catching a fish on the Weber River) .
In some cases, it may be more appropriate for Intel Sources to provide direct evidence of the Proposed Intel Response instead of credential based support for their answer. For example, the Bounty Maker who wants to know if her significant other is hanging out with his ex in a certain bar would probably happily accept a photo or video of her significant other furnished by an Intel Source. Likewise, the Bounty Maker who wants to know the length of the line in front of Bar X right now would probably prefer a video of the Intel Source in front of that line providing some proof of date and time as opposed to any Intel Source’s credentials as a bar line expert.
Credential and Evidence Challenges
In some cases, Curators may also wish to challenge the validity of any credentials offered by Intel Sources (e.g. that is not really your facebook account because I know of that guy) or any evidence furnished by the Intel Source (e.g. that wasn’t the line in front of Bar X tonight...that was Tuesday night...I know because the sign says 99 cent tacos and their website says that only happens on Tuesdays. Eventual iterations of Army of Spies, could even allow for Bounty Makers to offer an additional bounty (a “Credential Challenge Bounty”) for a Curator to disprove the credentials of an Intel Source.
Blacklisted Bounties
Army of Spies will not aim to facilitate any information transactions that might constitute, encourage, or aid criminal activity, terrorism, human rights violations, political espionage, or corporate espionage. To moderate these types of transactions in a decentralized system like Army of Spies, the Curator will have the ability to designate any Intel Bounty as a “Blacklisted Intel Bounty”. In such a case, the Intel Bounty will be returned to the Bounty Maker and the Intel Bounty and Bounty Maker will be moderated out of the Intel Category forum. If any Curator is refusing to designate illegal bounties as Blacklisted Intel Bounties, those elections will be reflected in the eventual ratings and reviews on the Army of Spies website and law abiding users will be able to avoid the topical categories controlled by such Curators.
Smart Contract & Curator NFT Architecture Considerations
At its core, Army of Spies will be run via Smart Contracts corresponding to each Intel Category. The initial intellectually tidy impulse would be to make every Intel Bounty its own smart contract. However, the rigor of constant automated Smart Contract generation for each new Intel Bounty in a distributed computing environment probably precludes such a scenario. Current thoughts revolve around a strategy of a single Smart Contract with inputs for each Intel Bounty creation and outputs for each Winning Intel Source and relevant Curator. Of course, this could create a significant “involuntary bug bounty” equivalent to the value of all Intel Bounties currently offered and residing in the smart contract. Initially, this risk can be mitigated by limiting the amount of any Intel Bounty to an amount of ADA equivalent to a low value such as $20. The Curator NFTs are planned to be created via the minting policy instructions laid out at:
https://developers.cardano.org/en/development-environments/native-tokens/how-to-use-multi-asset-tokens-in-the-cardano-node/.
Basic Adoption Strategy
The Army of Spies adoption strategy will be akin to that used by other NFT projects such as Unstoppable Domains and Decentraland. The buyers of the NFTs providing access to build on the ecosystem will also be the initial users of the assets built on the ecosystem. For example, a quick web search for news regarding Unstoppable Domains shows it has sold hundreds of thousands of NFTs corresponding to blockchain based domains in the last few years of its operations. Thousands of actual websites have been built on these domains. However, actual user demand to peruse these websites would probably be extremely scant if you didn’t count users who came into the ecosystem because they bought one of the NFTs corresponding to a domain or were considering it. People buy access to build on the ecosystem or at least to speculate on the NFT granting that right. Those same people then become the initial users of the things built on the ecosystem.
This could be seen of Decentraland on its initial launch as well. How many users were wondering around the Decentraland map on launch day who didn’t own some kind of NFT related to the project or weren’t at least taking a peek to decide if they should speculate on a LAND or an NFT based username or etc? We can only guess. But, probably not a gigantic percentage. The initial users were largely NFT owners or people deciding if they should buy an NFT related to the project. This usage of the project then drives more purchases of the various NFTs in the project (from hats, to usernames, to LANDS, to Estates) which then drives more usage which then drives more NFT purchases in a beautiful self-reinforcing cycle.
Army of Spies will be the same. Purchases of the Curator NFTs will be the spark that ignites the combustion that initially pushes the pistons. Whether purchasers are planning to build out an actual Curation Forum or just speculating on the NFT to sell it at a higher price down the road, those purchasers will likely also be the initial Bounty Makers and Intel Sources using Army of Spies.
To kick off this self-reinforcing cycle, Army of Spies could be marketed on an incremental grass roots basis by making simple organic explainer posts, one Subreddit at a time, in all types of topical Subreddits. These explainer posts would be tailored to each subreddit and describe how, for example, anyone in the “Porsche 911” subreddit could simply purchase the Curator NFT for “Porsche 911” and turn their interest and knowledge of the topic into a possible money making venture. Someone in the “Denver” subreddit might want to purchase the “LoDo Denver Bars” Curator NFT and curate bounties related to things happening in those bars.
Initial purchasers of the Curator NFTs will be making the acquisition as an investment in future access to the ecosystem. This future access characteristic of the purchase along with the decentralized ethos of the crypto space is likely to weigh in favor of an acceptance of the premise that Curators should host their own Curation Forums instead of some more centralized architecture.
Acceptance of this “do-it-yourself” approach is already exhibited by buyers of Decentraland Lands who would possibly have to build something on their lands and by Unstoppable Domains customers who would have to build out websites on top of their decentralized URLs. These purchasers are buying a piece of finite access to the ecosystem on a bet that the ecosystem will develop into something more or that someone will use that finite access to build something on that purchaser’s piece of the ecosystem. In the crypto/blockchain space these types of NFT products are actually a very attractive value proposition in that they present an already functioning consumer crypto product in an endless sea of thousands of blockchain coin products that only purport to one day serve as the rails on which functioning products would operate. Army of Spies will present the same value proposition in that a purchaser of a Curator NFT will be able to immediately set up their own forum and start trying to drive traffic there (in addition to whatever traffic they receive from the Army of Spies website) or they can simply hodl the Curator NFT until the ecosystem develops. You see many examples of both strategies with Decentraland “LANDS” NFT holders and Unstoppable Domain URL holders today.
The Army of Spies Smart Contract
Below is the Marlowe code for the current draft of the Army of Spies Smart Contract. This code can be viewed in a very visual Blockly format if dropped into the Marlowe Playground at https://alpha.marlowe.iohkdev.io/#/simulation.
When
[Case
(Choice
(ChoiceId
"Intel Bounty"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
)
[Bound 0 1]
)
(When
[Case
(Choice
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
)
[Bound 1 1000]
)
(When
[Case
(Deposit
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
)
(When
[Case
(Choice
(ChoiceId
"Curator Intel Source Selection"
(Role "Curator")
)
[Bound 0 1]
)
(If
(ValueEQ
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Curator Intel Source Selection"
(Role "Curator")
))
(Constant 1)
)
(When
[Case
(Choice
(ChoiceId
"Intel Source Claims Intel Bounty"
(Role "Intel Source")
)
[Bound 0 1]
)
(If
(ValueEQ
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Intel Source Claims Intel Bounty"
(Role "Intel Source")
))
(Constant 1)
)
(When
[Case
(Choice
(ChoiceId
"Confirm Intel Source Won"
(Role "Curator")
)
[Bound 0 1]
)
(If
(ValueEQ
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Confirm Intel Source Won"
(Role "Curator")
))
(Constant 1)
)
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Account (Role "Intel Source"))
(Token "" "")
(Scale
(9%10)
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
)
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Curator"))
(Token "" "")
(Scale
(1%10)
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
)
Close
)
)
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Account (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)]
3500
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)]
3000
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)]
2500
(Pay
(Role "Bounty Maker")
(Party (Role "Bounty Maker"))
(Token "" "")
(ChoiceValue
(ChoiceId
"Bounty Amount"
(Role "Bounty Maker")
))
Close
)
)]
2000 Close
)]
1500 Close
)]
1000 Close
A Look Forward to a Potential Army of Spies 2.0
A Potential Future Army of Spies 2.0 with More Decentralized Curation within Topical Categories
The original vision for Army of Spies involved curation voting and curation staking by multiple curators even within a single Intel Category. Attempts were even made to model out this architecture in Marlowe. Eventually, the vision of the NFT Curator as detailed above won the day for Army of Spies 1.0. However, the original vision of curation voting and curation staking will be excerpted here for conceptual background on possible future deployment in an Army of Spies 2.0 evolution.
The Potential Army of Spies 2.0 Decentralized Curation Bounty & Curation Staking
In this model, there will be no NFT based curator, and other regular users perusing the forums (the “Curators”) will be allowed to vote on whether or not the intel provided is sufficient. Only an Intel Source receiving enough votes (a “Winning Intel Source”) will win his share of the Intel Bounty. The Curators will also receive a share of the Intel Bounty (the “Curation Bounty”) equal to 10% of the Intel Bounty for voting for the correct answer. To avoid the problem of straw man curators (i.e. an Intel Source creating a second, or third, or nth account to vote for his own intel even when it is obviously not sufficient to be the bounty winning intel), each Curator will be required to stake 1% of the Intel Bounty in order to vote (the “Curation Stake”). Curators who vote for an answer that does not get sufficient votes (the “Losing Curators”) will have their Curation Stake slashed. Curation Stake slashing will involve forfeiture of the Curation Stake and transfer of such stake to the Bounty Maker in majority with a small sliver going to AOS. Each Winning Curator will receive a share of the Curation Bounty equal to the Curation Bounty divided by the number of Winning Curators plus a return of their Curation Stake. In other words a Winning Curator can expect to receive a sum equal to the Intel Bounty divided by the number that is equal to the product of 10 multiplied by the number of Winning Curators. Such Winning Curator will also see a redemption of their Curation stake (which we have already defined above as 1% of the Intel Bounty). Let’s go back to our example of the fishing question and the 100 unit Intel Bounty. If there were five Winning Curators, the sum due to each Curator would be:
10 units/ 5 Winning Curators
= 2 units reward per Winning Curator
+ 1 unit as the return of their Curation Stake
= 3 units.
In order to further mitigate strawman curation, there will also be a second round of curation voting where no stake will be required. This second round will only happen when an Intel Source has already passed the first round. This round of curation voting will subject any strawman curators to the tyranny of the crowd. Here we will be leveraging outrage culture. If anything is true of the online landscape today, it is that people love to call other people out for breaking the rules. So, we will allow a larger number of people to vote in this second round and they will not be required to put up a stake to do so. In this “tyranny of the crowd round”, the voters will only be allowed to vote against the result obtained in the first round. Since the second round only happens if an Intel Source passes the first round, this means that in the second round, votes can only be cast against the particular Intel Source.
If dishonest curation is still occuring under this system, the Curation Stake could also always be increased until an optimum balance is struck between deterrence of dishonest curation and participation in curation.
So, in summary, curation voting will look like this:

a first round of staked curation voting;
if the Intel Source doesn’t receive sufficient votes in the first round, that Intel Source has lost and is out;
if the Intel Source does receive sufficient votes in the first round, he or she progresses to the second round;
this second “tyranny of the crowd” round will be unstaked and votes can only be cast AGAINST the particular Intel Source; and
the Intel Source has reached the finish line and will collect the Intel Bounty if there are not sufficient votes against the Intel Source in the second round.

Army of Spies 2.0 Curation and Intel Provision Rankings
In order to further incentivise honest curation, the AOS platform could eventually also display the number of times any given Curator has been a Winning Curator along with the number of times that Curator has been a Losing Curator. Likewise, all Intel Sources will have a ranking showing how many times they have been a Winning Intel Source and the number of times they have been an Intel Source who did not get the highest number of curation votes (a “Losing Intel Source”). These rankings will be shown to other users giving curation votes so that they can take into account the credibility of the Intel Source and the other Curators voting for a particular Intel Source.
Army of Spies 2.0 Blacklisted Transactions Bounties
Army of Spies will not facilitate any information transactions that might constitute, encourage, or aid criminal activity, terrorism, human rights violations, political espionage, or corporate espionage. To moderate these types of transactions in a decentralized system like Army of Spies, there will have to be a bounty for identification of any “Blacklisted Intel Bounty” to incentivise Curators to flag such Intel Bounties. To avoid the strawman curator issue with such Blacklisted Intel Bounties (i.e. the Bounty Maker creating sock puppets to get an illegitimate Intel Bounty past the Blacklist Curation), the Curator who wins the bounty for flagging a Blacklisted Intel Bounty (a “Successful Blacklister”) will be randomly selected from the whole cohort of Curators who vote for the flagging of any particular Intel Bounty. The Blacklist Voting will also involve a “tyranny of the crowd” vote where an Intel Bounty that has passed the first round of BlackList voting can still be blacklisted by non-staking voters who can only vote against the Intel Bounty but not in favor of it passing. The Blacklisted Intel Bounty will be equivalent to a percentage of the Intel Bounty posted by the Bounty Maker. Another sliver of the Intel Bounty will also be forfeited to AOS. This will mean that the Bounty Maker would forfeit some or all of the offered bounty with no info in return. Flagging of Blacklisted Intel Bounties will require the normal Curation Stake of 1% of the Intel Bounty. The Curation Stake of Curators who attempt to dishonestly or inaccurately identify a Blacklisted Intel Bounty (i.e they voted to Blacklist but the group decided otherwise) would then go to the Bounty Maker with a sliver going to Army of Spies..
Proposed Utilization of Funds
Any funds awarded to Army of Spies in Project Catalyst Fund 3 will be used to procure the services of devolopers who can assist with smart contract development, the NFT minting policy, web development, and the overarching architecture connecting all the pieces. While the current team has been dabbling in Marlowe (and a tiny bit in Plutus) for the last few years, they would like to benefit from the expertise of someone close to IOHK or Emurgo or otherwise qualified to tell them what they are missing and help solve the inevitable problems that will be discovered. The Fortune 500 procurement experience of one of the current team members is expected to be very valuable in obtaining these services in a timely fashion and at prudent costs.
Roadmap
Milestone 1
-Refine Curator NFT Concept and Marlowe smart contract.
-Refine architecture for the interaction of the various roles with the Marlowe contract.
-Procure services of developers to fill any missing gaps between NFT minting policy, smart contract, and website.
Milestone 2
-Buildout AOS website with: 1) functionality for NFT Sales; 2) catalogue of topical categories; and 3) explainer and other marketing content.
-Begin Curator recruitment by using organic Subreddit by Subreddit posts.
Milestone 3
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bet on who will win game of thrones video

Odds courtesy of William Hill Sportsbook; last updated April 30th at 4:00 p.m. Eastern.. Game of Thrones Betting Thoughts. I’ve been saying for weeks that Cersei Lannister (40/1) seems like the best bet to place a wager and I’m even more convinced of that now.She and her rented Army are well fed, rested and hanging out in the south while the Northerners just went through the epic battle Game Of Thrones Quiz: Bet You Can’t Name All These Characters. You win or you die. Only a true fan can remember every single character. Tip 2: Follow the ‘Bet less – Win more’ rule. It may sound quite unreal but that’s not the case if you are inexperienced or you do not bet very often. It certainly is possible to win more by making smaller bets. It’s only necessary to consider how much money you could win from your Game of Thrones betting bets. Game of Thrones season eight is going to be a fun and wild ride, but it’ll be that much better if you can bet on a slew of props and win some money. It’s going to be difficult to do that if you can’t find a good website with a lot of betting options. Who will win the Game of Thrones? Punters have been putting their money where their loyalties lie for some time now. But betting has seen a sudden resurgence with HBO’s announcement of the final For many of us, Game of Thrones is the show that we spend a lot of time discussing with our friends. Right from the beginning, the show has one question at the crux of its story-line: who will sit on the Iron Throne? Now with the final run, Season 8 being over a year away, this question is getting more heat than ever before, so much so that bookies are apparently now taking bets about who will Think You Know Who Will Win ‘Game of Thrones’? Fans Are Betting They Do Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen and Kit Harington as Jon Snow in a scene from HBO’s “Game of Thrones.” A few of the favorites to win the Game of Thrones. HBO If you're the gambling sort, this might be the perfect time to place your bet on who will win the Game of Thrones since we now know when the Whether Bran Stark or Daenerys Targaryen, we're looking at every possibility for who will win the game of thrones, including betting odds, polls and fan theories involving the Night King.

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Who will win the Throne in Game of Thrones Season 8? - YouTube

Get a free audiobook and a 30-day trial with Audible: http://www.audible.com/asx Or text “asx” to 500 500 Who will win the Iron Throne in Game of Thrones Sea... Who will win the Game of Thrones? Terri, Jim and Joshua break down their biggest Game of Thrones: Season 8 series finale predictions. Spoilers!Game of Throne... Game of Thrones Series Finale Trailer Explained! Will Dany die? Who will win the Iron Throne? Download War Robots FOR FREE on your iOS/Android device and get... Game of Thrones Finale - Jon vs Grey Worm - Who Would Win? Hey Trev Q&A: Loved the last episode, so incredibly epic. Do you think we will see a fight between... Jon Snow and Ragnar Lothbrok will meet each other

Game Of Thrones Quiz: Bet You Can’t Name All These Characters

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JON SNOW takes big betting lead at BOVADO on who will rule Westeros(and win The Game of Thrones) over BRAN and the field

05-09 03:43 - 'Bet on the who will win Season 8 of Game of Thrones using bitcoin' (i.redd.it) by /u/joethafoe removed from /r/Bitcoin within 0-5min

(SPOILER EXTENDED) Who wants to play "Lord of the Crossing"?