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Just a list for if you want a serial killer in your world and have very little creativity; either pick one you like or roll for it. They can be anything from a Jack the Ripper clone to a mage hunter who gains whatever spells the mage uses or anything in between

Quick Ben- He has been seen many many times, and is not stealthy in the slightest but he has an insane 140ft movement (280 when dashing) and has yet to be caught because the guard literally cannot catch him.
The Mage Killer- A man who through unknown means can steal the spells from any magic casting person he kills. He hunts down mages worldwide indiscriminately
The Dragonslayer- A delusional man who believes all dragonborn are actual dragons and slays them for the "glory"
Arthaerin Willowwood- Just a regular elf who is actually a serial killer who has been killing for centuries unnoticed
The Butcher- A cannibal who has turned his proclivity into a lucrative underworld business, providing meals for monsters and kindred human souls alike
Handy Antony - A serial slasher whose calling card is the removal of his victims' hands. (SlayAllRebels)
The Florist - an elven druid who grows a flower out of the chest of her victims. (SlayAllRebels)
Frederick "Fuzzy" Forrest - a mountain of a Half Orc who's also a werewolf. (SlayAllRebels)
The Half-Quart Cutter - A seemingly mystical halfling slasher who's actually a set of halfling sextuplets, which explains how he seems to be able to kill multiple victims across town at the same time. (SlayAllRebels)
Myrgex the Red - a Dragonborn cannibal who prefers his meals well done. (SlayAllRebels)
Jack the Knife: An animated swarm of flying knives. Loves to show off their knifecraft by carving intricate designs into their victims BEFORE killing them. Taken from Fallen London. (MutatedMutton)
Old One Eye: A surprisingly intelligent crocodile that loves sadistically tearing apart humanoids and animals alike. Has access to Druid powers. Based on an Answegh from the Birthright setting. (MutatedMutton)
The Gravemaker: A fleshcrafter who supplemented his craft through grave robbing has since moved on to looking for "fresher cuts". The murders were actually committed by his first creation, a lanky, stealthy humanoid flesh golem with bone blade arms which were previously used for quick excavations of graves. (MutatedMutton)
The Man Breaker: Previously a famous pit fighting grappler, a nasty loss (and a career of blows to the head) has loosened his grip on reality. If you are unlucky to run into this gigantic humanoid alone, he will insanely berate you for trying to steal his title and play to an imaginary crowd before breaking you down into beaten bloody chunks. (MutatedMutton)
The Fortune Killer: This former Gunslinger bounty Hunter kidnaps victims almost randomly, chains them up and subjects them to games of chance. If the victim wins, they get to live another day until the next game of chance. Everyone's luck runs out eventually. (MutatedMutton)
Rondo Teahead - a war criminal that has been know for doing carnage on the battlefield for no aparent reason, he lets his favorite one decapitated as some kind of manner (yxazel)
Orochalco - a women of unknow aparence that kills people with a special poison, leaving the bodies with a bright pink color (yxazel)
The Greed - in night, its said to be a hunter with the mask of a blonde girl that hunts down those who have debts with someone important and anybody that steps beatwin. It leaves a weird mark on the hip, and on rare ocassions, lets the person live if the pay it the debt (yxazel)
Lavander - said to be a ghost, it hunts the houses of those who are alone, and leaves their hair with a snowy color, rumors talk that its searching a young one (yxazel)
Lzro Vna - know also as "Lazaro" its said that he is in an inmortal being, searching people and extracting their most obscure and deep knowledge one way or another untill he gets satisfied. Those who survive his torture, said that he gifted a crimson hat for the worries, and crimson scar to "dry the tears". (yxazel)
Tacdam - there has been seen a magical creature saw goimg around in the most random of places, a little parlant animal, wich legs and torso are made of one entire triangle, with slim arms, round hands, a bigger head than the entire body, ears and tail like a beast, an empthy look, and a smile that gives fear to adults. Kids who had found it had quickly beafriend him, but if a stranger aproaches in the wrong way, its said that his face melts and expands, beacoming more palid and agressive, with more smaller eyes, teeth inside the skin, streaching its entire face almost allways eating anyone of one bite. Its said that giving food will give you a chance of it spearing your live and maybe becoming its "friend". (yxazel)
The Feathered Fiend: A killer who always leaves a Kenku feather at the scene of every crime. It’s actually a line of Kenkus who have been passing down the tradition for 3 generations. Everyone assumes it’s a dwarf/elf/gnome/ other long lived race. (Your_InsideMan)
Red Rodger- a killer known for attaching travelers along a foggy road, his name covers from the red coat he wears. (bookseer)
Mr. Friend- this changeling likes to adopt an appearance similar to their target before bumping into them at a tavern. They then spike the victim's drink and help them into bed, where they steal whatever's handy and let the poison do the rest. (bookseer)
The showman- the showman has a flair for the dramatic. They dominate their target via magic, before dressing them in garish clothing and having them do a wildly dangerous circus act. This can involve juggling knives, tight rope walking, or any other side show attraction. However, these always end in the participant's death, and often shower the spectators with gore. Actually a sentient disease trying to spread to as many hosts as possible (bookseer)
The Brunch Slayer: A chef that kills their victims through hosting a weekly brunch with poisoned drinks. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Silk Butcher: A tailor that dresses their victims in black or red silk before their deaths. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Alligator: A druid that kills their victims through wild shaping into an alligator and dragging them under the water. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Wolf: A hunter that unleashes dire wolves onto his victims, ensuring a painful and gruesome end. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Shadow: An assassin that remains unseen by victims until their dagger is across the victim's throat. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Nutcase: A wild magic sorcerer that uses their surges to kill their victims in unique ways. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Fiend: A tiefling that targets priests and killing them by burning them alive. (PumpkinSpiceAngel)
The Voice- Sometimes, in a crowded public area of town, a loud voice can be heard and immediately someone in earshot dies, with others literally paralyzed with fear. Actually an elf that loves the Power Word spells. (I like this one because their method gives a few possible ways to identify them, like finding who is present at each of the killings or doing it by matching the voice to a person) (KingAmo3)
Sol - Casts a ton of healing spells on their victims to kill them with positive energy overload, knowing that healing spells don’t have saving throws. (KingAmo3)
The King- He rules the land and the people he personally puts to death are always guilty of heinous crimes. You might hear them saying that they're innocent, but that's just a twisted manipulation tactic from people who are even more guilty than you think. Don't you love your country? Aren't you a true citizen? It's dangerous out there for non citizens. (sanorace)
The Clerk -- they have assigned value to specific numbers and when they see a sales total with those numbers in them they take it as a divine sign to kill that person. (PrateTrain)
The Smiling Guardsman. Known to leave victims displayed in grotesque poses in secluded alleys, with their throats cut, and several stab wounds to the abdomen. Curiously, many of them appear to have died somewhere other than the place they were found, as there rarely is enough blood on the scene for them to have bled out there. His victims are usually people new to the bustling metropolis. When these people are missed at all, they're often found to have been last seen alive in the company of a bland looking, pleasantly smiling man in the City Guard's distinctive armor, offering directions, or showing them the way somewhere. This has become something of a sore spot for the Guard, as going public with the murders would make people less trusting of guardsmen, to such a degree that they'd be in danger of retaliatory attacks thinking them to be the killer, while also bringing to light existing corruption and nepotism, materials vanishing from their armories, as well as lax hiring practices. On the other hand, their current tactic of suppressing information, and trying to find the culprit covertly, has given rise to speculation among marginalized groups of the community that The Smiling Guardsman acts with the blessing of the watch, or even on explicit orders of the watch, to either silence dissent, intimidate vagrant populations, or provide human sacrifices for nefarious ceremonies. What, if anything, the murderers real motives are, no one knows, but with every victim found, the situation gets more tense, and the silence of Watch officials more suspicious in the eyes of the people. Some neighborhoods are discussing driving out the guard completely, and setting up their own local defense committees. (HillInTheDistance)
The Winged Vigilante A winged being, fond of swooping down from above, crushing victims under their iron boots, before further assaulting them with a cleaver, leaving their victims in the gutter. All murders are conducted at night, with little regard for witnesses. The killer has, on several occasions, fled when confronted, taking to the sky, and leaving victims they hadn't managed to kill yet, severely injured. Despite the many witnesses, there is no description of it other than a seemingly male figure, dressed in dark, ragged clothes, a bag-like mask, and ironclad boots, and that he gives off a terrible stench, "Like the refuse pit of a slaughter house". There is even arguments about if the creature even has wings, or if it's just wearing a billowing cloak, and flies in a magical way This killer has a rather controversial reputation among the population, as his first victims were members of a group of fairly well known violent criminals, which gave him the reputation of someone doing the work the City Guard was too incompetent, corrupt, or just outnumbered, to do themselves. Despite the fact that several of his later victims were seemingly innocent citizens, there is still a significant portion of the populous who see him as something of an anti-hero, and try to justify his actions, by speculating that the innocent victims were just criminals who'd managed to hide their wicked deeds from the public. Others say that his first victims were just a coincidence, as they do share (trait like ethnicity, species, nationality, or religious affiliation) with the later victims, along with the fact that the victims are often people who had reason to be out at night. (HillInTheDistance)
Tilly the Tanner - A halfling woman who has been a leatherworker for many years, sells wonderful clothing and armor but also uses her skillset to kill, skin and repurpose the corpses of people. Her preferred targets are individuals who made short jokes at her or her family's expense. (TextuallyAttractive)
Dead Justice - A female vampire with a traumatic past who seeks out and preys upon sex offenders. When she has had her fill of vengeance she makes it painfully obvious that her victim was a monster in their own right. Local vampire hunters leave her be for this reason, some are even her friends. (TextuallyAttractive)
Flamin' Flint - A fire genasi who has a penchant for gunsmithing, fireworks and arson. Trigger happy and seems to just want to watch the world burn. Doesn't leave things to chance though, all his victims have a distinct burn mark of a hand on their cheek. (TextuallyAttractive)
The Sylvain killer- a notorious never before seen assassin who eliminates targets by injecting them with combination of mercury and liquid silver. He or she primarily kills fey or elven kind but also notably those afflicted by a weakness to silver. (ChaoticNuetral66)
Order - a killer who gives their victim a list of rules in advanced, and through unknown magic, when a rule is broken the victim dies. If the rules are followed for a week, the magic is lifted. (Lady_Calista)
The toymaker- fusing his victims into a large flesh golem, last victims were the inhabitants of the local orphanage. (Vinvladro)
Prince Charming- a kind good-looking gentleman who kills young women by strangling them using thornwhip. The victims are bedded on roses. (Vinvladro)
The Blaubart (Bluebeard)- he seeks young women, marries them and then to his estate. He gives them a set of keys, which they can use to explore their new home, except for one room. Upon opening the room they find themselves in a red chamber face to face with the corpses of his old brides being placed on small pedestals on display. The Bluebeard of course knew and planned that they would open the forbidden room. He uses their fear-struck hearts to prolong his own life, killing them when he sucked the last bit of fear out of them and add them to his red chamber. (Vinvladro)
Robane Ultarith: Robane is a high priest in a small elven village in the middle of nowhere. He has access to an enormous supply of potions and poisons. He travels to new towns and spikes drinks and food at random just to incite chaos. Then he returns to his duty as a high priest without suspicion. (Oppenheimer566)
Werewolf, Hunter - A werewolf/hunter who is on the case of a series of werewolf attacks that he himself has committed, either knowingly or unknowingly. (Lycanthropy can be modified to be any sort of transformation, mental or physical) (Snowyboops)
Pyrethorn: A strange, animated plant creature similar to a blight that has become an incredible assassin. It’s legs are more like vines or snakes than legs, allowing it to move silently, but also to move across roof beams and even open doors while keeping his arms free. Each arm contains a magical amber shard housing fire magic. A victim killed by these knife-like crystals turns to ash in seconds. Then he slinks back to his mastecreator without leaving a clue, except for any severed limbs from his fight, and a pile of ash inside the deceased’s crumpled clothes. (Ninten_Joe)
Tiny Jack - A Myth, perhaps, told by giants to their children, about a wee little man who is responsible for many Giant deaths. They say he climbs into a Giant's mouth while they sleep and cuts his way in, then out, slashing vocal chords first, rendering the victim mute as he digs his way to their heart, which is reportedly missing from the bodies. Quite the mystery, since the size Tiny Jack would have to be to perform these feats is less than half of the size of a Giant's heart. (thecomputerking)
The Hoaxed - A human who seeks out and kills charlatans. They cut off their victim's fingers, and steal all of their money and valuables. The victims are left in alleyways or similar low-trafficked areas. The threat to charlatans has made most of them stop or become less obvious in their grifting, so the killer tends to move towns. (Vayeq)
Tazmo The Vain - A killer who breaks into wealthy people's homes and steals their valuables, especially jewelry and clothes. They will kill anyone inside, and disfigure their faces. (Vayeq)
Renahat Blackvalley - They used to be a small scale adventurer. One day they attuned to a magical bracelet that can summon forth a sword. However, the bracelet was cursed and now causes them to kill people seemingly randomly. (The item cannot be removed or become unattuned.) It is unclear how much is done by the sword and how much is done by the person. (Vayeq)
The Tourist- A serial killer who revels in the rush of killing in heavily populated tourist attraction spots and then escaping undetected. His count is up to 19
Tarkaz- A man who hears voices in his head telling him to kill people. In fact, it is actually a demon using him as his murder tool
The Motherfucking Dirtbag- He is a necromancer of some sort, and reanimates his victims to have them dance tauntingly in the town square. Incidentally, his name came about because they didn't want to give such an asshole a cool name
Power Angger - a monk whose search for inner peace has led down a path misdirected path. Only the merciless slaying of innocents at their bare hands can bring them the calm they desire. Meditating on their crimes in the blackest of nights they search within to strengthen their inner demons (shamrok27)
The drinking Dead - A fellow with dirty cloths and rusty equipment. He wanders from tavern to tavern. Every night he chooses a new "friend" he will have a drinking contest with. Anyone who refuses will be threatened with death to comply. He will tell everyone that askes his story. He killed a man three years ago in a tavern to steal his drink. They hanged him for it, but he was cursed to walk the world until one will beat him in his one game - a drinking contest. He cant be killed by any known means - only fulfilling his curse. This was stolen from "Drink with the living Dead". The DM probably can use the song for a wild west adventure. (Raven_Witch)

I am 42 years old making $72,000 living in Northern California and work as a Consultant

Section One: Assets and Debt
I am 42 years old making $72,000 as a Consultant. I live a debt free lifestyle, work part time, and am CFBC. I track with the median household income in my area, but it’s just me an my dog in a one income household. I grew up in a family that valued education but had no money to contribute to it, so I worked my way through college. I graduated with some student loan debt. I don’t have a family financial safety net and have not/will not inherit anything, but also do not need to financially support my family. I took a purposeful step back in my career after growing into a management position and realizing that it was not what I wanted to do. Now I make the bulk of my income doing the work I love. Pre-Covid I traveled quite a bit for fun, both internationally and in a camper van. I have tried working while traveling and neither was rewarding, my job permits me to separate the two and I do not work when I travel. I have struggled with that during Covid, because what is the point of working less if you can’t do anything fun with your free time?
My Covid pod is a married couple, another single women, and a new boyfriend that I started dating this summer. He is kind, creative, a good listener, and brings me coffee in bed. The boyfriend, from here on dubbed the King of Coffee (KoC) has his own place, but for a while was spending weeks at a time at mine. We recently both decided to refocus and be more effective, so he is spending ½ his nights at his own place. We do not combine expenses.
Retirement: 243K - I have 237 K between two employer sponsored 401K’s and another 6K in a Roth IRA. I’m trying to catch up and would like to make the max contribution this year but an struggling with motivation.
Equity: 0 -I’m renting. I lost about 80K in equity in a home during an unfortunate break up a few years ago and am happily renting. It sucked to walk about from 15 years of equity, and have to start from scratch on a down payment fund, but sometimes your freedom is worth it. I was able to cash flow legal fees to emerge debt free.
Savings account balance: 900
Checking account balance: 13,000, I keep my emergency fund in my checking account. I like my money like I like my wine, liquid.
Credit card debt (and how you accumulated it): 0, I use my cards and pay them off very month.
Student loan debt (for what degree): 0, paid off 21K in loans about 10 years ago for a Bachelors Degree
Section Two: Income
Main Job Monthly Take Home: 3,264 (variable)
I've been working in my field for 18 years, my starting salary with a Bachelor’s degree was $23,000 (a pay decrease from my college jobs). I was up to 109K for a few years in my 30’s. But I woke up fat and miserable, so took a step back. I now work part time as an employee for a couple of different companies with a ton of autonomy and the ability to take on the work I love to do. I average the same per hour, but work a lot less hours. California state law prevents most companies from hiring me as a 1099 employee, which is fabulous, because it makes my life really simple. I fill out a timecard with my hours and they deposit money in my bank account. It’s like magic! I primarily work for one company, and they pay for my health insurance premiums, which is a huge benefit vs when I was spreading my time more evenly among multiple jobs and purchasing health insurance out of pocket. I also net between 4-7K a year on a side gig that is 1099 contract wor.
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $2,964, per month My primary job is somewhat seasonal. My take home varies a lot as I am not guaranteed hours, and sometimes choose not to take on projects with work that I don’t love. This is netted wages from my primary job over the yea12. Month to month it can be more or less.
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: $300 per month (averaged). 1099 contractor work. My gross is about 12K a year for this, but there is a ton of overhead and taxes ($3,600 per year in broker fees, $3,400 business fees, office space, mileage for this job, and other business expenses). I allow this side business to pay for my phone, office space, etc.
Section Three: Expenses
Rent: $1,050, I’m silly lucky to have rented a dated 1 bed/ 1 bath flat in a great area before prices skyrocketed. My landlord that has not kept up with market rate. After being a home owner, I love not having to mow the lawn, worry about the gutters, or fix anything. Market for this unit would be around $1,850. Current California rent controls ensure my rent will not raise more than 6% this year.
Renters / home insurance: $12
Savings contribution: 0, nothing budgeted, my income is variable so my account ebbs and flows. I sweep any extra money over 15K from my checking into my savings, and start to panic if my balance gets below 12K. I have been a scattered spender and lacked focus for the last year.
Debt payments: $0
Donations.$50 a month, Average between the local food bank, individual fundraisers for homeless outreach, go fund me, and local non-profits.
Electric: $55 (average)
Natural Gas: $50 (average)
Cellphone: $30* (this is my portion of an unlimited data, talk, text on a family plan with a friend, I write this off against my 1099 income)
Gym membership: $89, this is a small family owned gym that I love. I kept my membership active during the Covid shutdown which was objectively a waste of money, and just started going back to their classes (done outdoors in compliance with local regulations)
Pet expenses: $140, this is the average for food, flea and heartworm meds, and one scheduled vet visit a year, and one unscheduled. In the past it has been less, but the last couple of years vet costs have gone up for my aging pup, and will likely continue to rise.
Car payment: $0, I saved to buy a new (used) car in cash for 15K early last year. It is a great car, and should last me 5-8 years without looking like a beater.
Car insurance:$130, this is for a camper van, a car, and a motorcycle. I pre-pay for the 6-month policy.
Gasoline: $200 (I get some of this back but will get to that).
Groceries: $300, I’m not great about sticking to this
Wine Club: $30, I cancelled a wine club because we can’t go wine tasting due to COVID, and then immediately signed up for another one, so there is that.
Coffee: $30, yes, this is just for coffee at home. I purchase beans from a local farmer owned co-op because it’s important to me.
Eating Out: $120, this is really variable, I used to spend more, and our COVID lockdown just loosened a bit so I have been meeting with my pod for outdoor dining/happy hour more often.
Toiletries and home goods: $30
Clothes: $75
Other Business expenses: $312. If I’m counting that gig income I should probably count the expenses. Professional licensing fees for my primary job: $38 ($450 once a year), Professional registrations for side job: $75* ($900 once a year, write off against 1099 income). Office space rental: $199* (this one kills me but I’m locked into a year-long contract on this, it includes copies/printing/wifi/coffee etc and is a great workspace, but has been unusable most of the year due to COVID, write off against 1099 income)
So that’s what I "plan" to spend money on, lets see how I do.
Wednesday: Daily Total $81.11
The KoC stayed over, so that means I get coffee in bed (see above budgeted expensive coffee). I had to run off to work, so he also walked the dog. We started to date about 6 months ago and he is a gem and really starting to grow on me.
Grabbed gas at Costco on my way to work $50.90. My car takes premium, it’s $3.22 a gallon, and I get about 20 miles to the gallon. About ½ of the miles I drive on this tank will be reimbursed at 56 cents a mile by my primary employer, so I will get reimbursed about $89 on this tank. The mileage rate is also suppose to account for wear and tear, which is much harder to calculate. My tires are almost brand new, but when I had to replace one it was $260! This car is much more expensive to drive them my previous vehicles.
At lunch I ran to a sporting goods store to look for snow pants to go to the snow this weekend. Dang they are expensive, maybe I can do without, or find some at a thrift store? I popped into the grocery store for food for lunch and walked out with a giant bag of pumpkin seeds, 3 avocados, a couple jars of Paleo BBQ Sauce, some pecans, beef jerky, and a couple protein bars ($30.21).
I get home and the dog has successfully extracted all of the trash from both the bathroom and kitchen trash can. I proceed to vacuum up shreds of paper and am reminded that the nozzle on my vacuum is broken (functional, but you have to hold it together).

Thursday: Daily Total $57.19
The weather is awful and I decide not to go into work, and instead worked on technical reports from home. I hate reports and only ended up billing about 3 hours. But I don’t have to worry about snow pants anymore because at the end of the day I get offered another 8 hours of the work I love so do, so now I get to work the weekend. I found a broken vacuum on FB marketplace for $30 and go pick it up. Apparently, all purple Dysons are not the same model. The parts are not interchangeable. I need to pay better attention. Now I have two broken vacuums. Doh!!
A friend called to see if I wanted to grab dinner. We choose a spot with a cozy patio. The City has temporary suspended metered parking fees due to COVID. I bring a blanket. I got an entrée and a glass of wine, my total with tip and tax is $27.19.

Friday: Daily Total $174.58.
Coffee delivered to my bed again! Went back to the gym from the second time this year. It just reopened under revised COVID restrictions this week. Classes are outside and masks are required, but it still feels strange. I justify it because I just haven’t been doing the weight training I should on my own, and the cold weather has really stalled my outdoor cardio workouts. Packed a lunch and just worked through lunch. Had to apply to renew one of my professional permits ($136.90)
Stopped at the grocery store on my way home onions, cucumbers, a shitload of broccoli, two heads of cauliflower (one organic and one not, why are these the same price? Is there a size difference? Better get them both and figure it out later), two lbs of grass fed ground beef that are on-sale and a rack of ribs ($37.68)
Had roasted broccoli and tea for dinner, and worked on a report for a non-profit board I’m on. Went on an audio book checkout/download spree using my public library app and started listening to the “Happiness Project.”

Saturday: Daily Total $10.37
Off to work because of the earlier lack of productivity. Had to stop by CVS and purchase some supplies for the office $10.37 (my employer will reimburse me for this). Packed some leftover chili con carne and a jar of snackies (see aforementioned groceries, pumpkin seeds, pecans, and beef jerky). Zoomed into a 7-hour annual meeting for the non-profit board while working.
Done by 4 pm. I’m sore from the workout yesterday. Everything hurts. I get home and am started to soak in a lavender epsom salt bath while listening to my audiobook when I get a call from a friend. She had a rough day and is wondering if I have time for dinner. I abandon my lovely bath and rally.
We split a bottle of wine, I have a cookie but decline to share her pizza since I’m “trying” to eat better. My friend insists on paying. I let her, but I feel bad. I am hyper sensitive to carrying my own weight since I am choose to make less and be relatively stress free while they work long hours. I don’t want to let that get in the way of my friendships. I never say I don’t have the money to do something fun.

Sunday: Daily Total $60.50
I run back into work to finish some things, but am supposed to be done early for a lunch date with the KoC. I call on my way home to make sure he will be ready to go by because I’m starving and we are planning on walking. He is sort of ready to go, and we walk the dog about a mile to my favorite café, which also just opened for outside dining. It is a beautiful day, my food takes forever. I get a giant noodle salad and drink water, it’s $14.35, but the KoC pays. This is the second meal he has purchased for me in 6 months, the first being our first date. He is always up for a long walk around the neighborhood, which I love. He is not well employed, and we don’t eat out much. He eats a lot of my groceries, and when he is with me at the grocery store will sometimes Venmo me $20. I have found myself purchasing more things he likes recently.
On our walk back, I get a text that some friends are at a local brewery. We redirect our walk. The KoC takes one look at the crowd (outside and at separate tables, but it’s still more people than we have seen in months) and asks if I mind if he just heads back to my place. No worries. The puppers and I flag down my friend, we decide we are also not comfortable with the crowd and head to a nearby Café. I repeat the bottle of wine ($18) and cookie ($3.75) from the day before, my portion of the bill is $15.50 with tax and tip. She insists on sending the rest of the bottle of wine home with me.
For dinner the KoC and I have a game night date in a friend’s yard. She has a lovely yard with twinkly lights and provides heated blankets and heat pads for each of us. We distance and wear masks when not eating/drinking. We finish the rest of the bottle of wine I brought from the Café, a bottle of port from my wine club (accounted for in wine club budget, $25), and order sushi for delivery (I Venmo her for my portion, $20). No games are actually played, but it’s nice to catch up.

Monday: Daily Total 0.
I sleep through the 6 am gym class. Chat with a friend about nailing down reservations and hiking permits for some national parks this summer and apply for the lottery. I have a few client calls in the morning. I have poor work hygiene and work from by bed most of the morning. The dog doesn’t get out of bed until noon, At least I beat her. Had breakfast for lunch, farm fresh eggs from a friend and a few slices of bacon. Got myself together enough for a zoom meeting in the afternoon, and ducked off-line early to hit the 5pm class at the gym. I roast a boat load of broccoli for dinner and have more nuts/seeds/ sugar free chocolate as snacks. KoC stops by late after he is done with work and eats the rest of the broccoli. He stays over. I’m getting coffee in bed tomorrow.

Tuesday: Daily Total 0.
Just as I suspected, coffee in bed. We wake up early and spend some time chatting in bed since I’ve been a little unavailable the last few days. He goes for a run, showers, and brings me tea while I work on a report before taking off to start his day. We are both trying to be more effective with our time and part of that is hard deadlines ending our time together. I bill 8 hours, make myself lunch, and never leave the house.
For dinner I ate the equivalent to a whole head of roasted cauliflower and slow roasted the ribs from the earlier shopping trip. If you are wondering, there is no flavor difference between the organic and non-organic, the non-organic head is a bit larger. I rice the cauliflower stems in the blender and toss the cauliflower rice in fridge to sauté with some ground beef for another meal later. I knit while listening to my audiobook. I have a lifetime supply of yarn so it’s a no spend hobby.

Wednesday: Daily Total 0.
I signed up for the 7am class since I slept through 6 am on Monday. Everything hurts from Monday’s workout. The KoC hand ground my coffee, set out the pour over, and filled the kettle before he left last night, so I just need to hit the power on the kettle and pour over.
Weekly Total: $383.75
Food + Drink: $155.58
Fun / Entertainment:0
Home + Health:$30
Clothes + Beauty: 0
Transport: $50.90
Other: Work expenses, $147.27
Reflections:
I’m trying to spend less on crap. I have way to many clothes, but always seem to be able to justify small clothes and food spending. I did a good job on these things this week. The reopening of restaurants, combined with the nice weekend weather led to more eating out then I’ve done in months. Pre-Covid, a large portion of my spending was social eating, happy hours, drinks with friends, dinners out, and I have used that for justification for buying more food for home in recent month.
My income and expenses are messy and difficult to categorize. Some work expenses I pay out of pocket, and some transportation expenses are recovered as a reimbursable. My savings account says I’m treading water, and not making progress towards additional saving for a house. That’s not horrible given the current Covid situation, but it’s also not great, since there is less social spending opportunities so I should be making progress.
My life is easy and stress free with time to do the things I love when I had the motivation. I worry if I am making/saving enough to maintain it in the long run? I struggle with the worry that I am not working hard enough or saving enough to secure my retirement. I'm saving 18K a year towards retirement (401K and Roth). Housing costs continue to skyrocket and I am also fearful that I am not keeping up income/asset wise with the COL in my area or my peers. Oh, and I miss traveling.

Edit: formatting

It’s boring. I want to die. Recap of 90DF S08E06

Welcome to another 90DF recap, your weekly distraction from the utter calamity that is everything and everywhere for 2020 2: Electric Boogaloo.
Natalie is introducing Flatline Mike to fruit, while Mike tries his best to burn the house down so she’s finally warm. They sit down for an awkward side-by-side dining experience, and Natalie wonders if the faeries kidnapped Mike and left behind a tree stump to trick her. Then Mike affixes his douchebag identification charm to his ear so we know it’s truly him.
Natalie timidly brings up the possibility of a piece of furniture where she can store clothing. He doesn’t understand why she needs to unpack, since he’s going to be driving her to the airport in about a week anyway. Natalie has the same suspicion, and says she lives like she’s camping, except tents are warm. She asks if she can just put her clothes somewhere, but Mike doesn’t want to do anything that might encourage her to stay.
Let’s unpack (zing!) this: Mike didn’t even clear a drawer out for her. Three night stands are more accommodating than this.
“There have been a lot of passive aggressive people on this show,” Mike begins. “And I shall be their king.”
Natalie notes this, gets anxious, and then crafts this hollow, upbeat mood. She’s thrilled that he’s begrudgingly made the giant sacrifice of three dresser drawers so that she might at least achieve a hotel level of moving in.
“I could spend about $20 at a thrift store or garage sale so she has something to work with,” he begins. “Or hell, $200 at IKEA, or $100 on Amazon with a four week delivery window. But that would require giving a fuck.”
Natalie spends her days cleaning and staring out the window at the no one all around her. “It’s boring. I want to die,” she reports, naming this recap in an instant. She says that she ditched her pretty fingernails, since there’s no salon in the forest, and she asked the hawks and beavers if they had any opinions about acrylics, and they responded with eerie silence.
Out of options, Natalie sets a table and seats her fruit salad, a pillow, and a shovel, and announces she’s named them Brad, Angelina, and Jennifer.
“Because they’re doomed like me, you see,” Natalie explains, preparing to pour some tea. “Everything is fine now that I’ve made friends.”
Later on, Natalie’s mother calls, which sets up the realest thing to ever happen on this show: Natalie lying about her relationship so her mother doesn’t worry, while crying. Uncork your empathy gland before viewing.
Mom wants Natalie to have a wedding, and wants to be invited to it. She says it’s a once in a lifetime thing, but Natalie is certain her second husband will be better. Her mom notices she doesn’t have her ring, and Natalie says he’s probably planning some kind of surprise. Keeping on theme, Natalie dresses up their recent waterfall outing as a “surprise” that Mike arranged for her (instead of a trip she begged for and he delayed), and says he “surprised” her with dinner (instead of taking her to a bar to demonstrate his intention to lie about vegetarianism). She keeps it up as long as she can, and then gets off the phone. You know your relationship has gone to shit when you have to resort to fiction.
Natalie says that she feels at Mike’s mercy, because whether or not they get married will ultimately be his choice, and that’s exactly how Mike wants it to be.
Jovi is preparing to leave for four weeks, and he and Yara are both nursing dinner-fight hangovers. Jovi wants to talk about it, and insists he would have stayed with her through her surgery if he knew it would make him look bad on television. Meanwhile, Yara is not feeling being left alone in a unique, one-of-a-kind city she calls a village. So she starts fat-shaming, which seems to be Yara’s announcement that the insecurity gates are open. Then there’s the prolonged goodbye in the airport.
“It’s boring. I want to die.” Thanks for that, Natalie. Here’s some other fiction:
Yara: I have acne pimple on scalp. Probably from fat American food. It feels like tumor through extensions.
Jovi: Can I squeeze it?
Yara: You can squeeze. How much in dollars? Don’t get in my hair.
Jovi: Well if I squeeze it, it’s probably going to go everywhere. Do you have a tissue or anything?
Yara: Then do not touch, what are you doing?
Jovi: I’m going to hold my cell phone in my mouth so we can film it.
Yara: Then I can watch when I miss you. I think I felt hair move.
Jovi: I’m going to rub the pus in my eyes so you follow me everywhere.
Yara: Oh Jovi. You never said how much in dollars.
Scene.
Once Jovi is finally gone she worries about what she’s going to do with her time, because no one on this series ever decides to finish their novel. Yara says that she tried walking around the city, but someone drunk at noon threw up on her shoes. This is a true New Orleans experience. Don’t drink anything blue, Yara.
Suffice it to say, when one of Jovi’s friends, Sara, reaches out for a little relationship sabotage and pedicures, Yara eagerly agrees to hang out.
“Yara has nails,” Natalie is sad again. “Is okay. I’m happy. Everything will be fine. My face always shakes when smiling.”
“Oh, you are both having nails, yes?” Julia is not having it. “I literally shovel shit and slop hogs. Mother sleeps under bed with flashlight. Crickets. In. Kitchen. But please, tell more about nails.”
The salon they go to is dreamy, with massage chairs and froo froo towels everywhere. Yara loves this, and makes plans to move in as soon as she gets the vomit out of her shoes. Before she can complete her packing list, Sara tunes her drama creation station to Obvious, Unless You’re 20.
Sara: So, how do you feel about his job? Where he leaves you alone, all alone, by yourself, alone, for four weeks? It’s really hard, and it’s not for everyone. Don’t you just hate it?
Yara: It’s hard on me, but time apart gives us time to miss each other. I want open beauty salon and for Jovi to work here.
Sara: Do you plan to start a family? With children? With Jovi? Really? With Jovi? I’m not saying you shouldn’t, but it’s also possible that a stripper has a hidden baby that will find him through 23andme in 20 years. So if you find a random pair of underwear, it’s probably from a stripper, which definitely isn’t my hang up, and unless it’s a Hanes size medium, they aren’t mine. Also, strippers.
As Sara details his partying ways, Rebecca PI is contacted to investigate these accusations, including allegations of someone pissing on Jovi’s bed.
“Yes, I’ve got all that in the report right here,” Rebecca is ready with the deets. “It’s in a file labeled Who Gives A Fuck.”
Unfortunately, this Southern charm manipulation is working, and Yara’s beginning to question her already questionable relationship with Jovi, but not his questionable taste in friends.
Andrew is hanging out on the balcony of a resort, having a “worst day ever” you guys. He’s shocked to learn that the plot he developed with insight from 4chan isn’t going according to plan. Now he’s doing research, which is watching youtube videos and going on Mexico’s NextDoor to see if the neighbors saw anyone sketchy stealing Amazon packages.
“I mean, it’s almost like they’re banning arrivals from certain countries for the sake of slowing the spread of a pandemic,” Andrew douches between umbrella drinks. “I really thought ignoring this would work out.”
Of course Andrew doesn’t know a lick of Spanish, and instead of simply asking someone at the hotel to translate, he makes calls hoping that someone who answers will have the bilingual skills he didn’t bother with himself. His calls basically go like this:
Mexico: Hello?
Andrew: Is this Mexico? One America, please.
Mexico: Wall must be blocking signal. Gotta go!
Andrew: Habla usted ingles? Frito Lay? Jennifer Lopez? Salsa?
Mexico: Click.
Andrew: Hello? Hello?
Andrew calls his family and reports that Amira has been detained, and now he’s left exploring the wonders of Mexican television.
“I’m really concerned,” Andrew says. “I really need a TV guide written in America to choose a channel. Then there’s so much reading to do, with the subtitles and all.”
Then he calls Amira’s dad, which is a nerve wracking experience, since Amira had the good sense to avoid introducing them before she boarded an airplane.“There’s a possibility he’ll blame me for the thing that’s my fault,” Andrew frets.
“This is why I told her not to trust American men with ponytails, unless you’re at the Def Leopard reunion tour,” Amira’s dad is so done. “At least if he had a man bun I would know he did yoga. Now I can only hope for cosplay or a pagan festival. Does he have a kilt? These ponytailed bastards always have a kilt.”
Andrew kicks off their conversation by tossing a random compliment at dad about his choice of shirt, which most wouldn’t consider appropriate during their Worst Day Ever (TM). That task complete, he’s ready to provide 0 updates about the nothing he’s accomplished. “I haven’t heard a text!” He narfs.
“I don’t understand,” do not test Amira’s dad. “Text messages are text. Maybe you should read them instead of waiting for them to speak, you fucking dumb ass.”
“I do not EVEN know what’s going on, sir,” Andrew repeats. “I keep asking Siri to find her, but nothing. What am I supposed to do, problem solve? No I don’t watch the news, sir, what even are you, sir? If I say sir enough, do I sound man-like?”
Amira’s dad: That’s a nope from me.
Andrew: What if I deepen my voice like Darth Vader?
Amira’s dad: I’m hanging up. You must be used to that by now.
Andrew: Hold on, I can say it with puppets!
“I’m boring,” Andrew sighs, leaning in to a weird running pose on the balcony. “The plan for the rest of the day is not leaving this resort. Having done one thing, I’ve tried everything. No, I’m not going down there to investigate. Something might happen to me, then. Clearly, I’ve pulled out all the stops.”
Rebecca is prepping herself for meeting Zied at the airport, because only Darcey can bring an entire vanity into a bathroom stall for 90 minutes of minor surgery. Micah and Tiffany have decided they’re going to the airport too, and Rebecca can’t say no because Tiffany is the parent.
“Basically, I’ve been doing this my entire life,” Tiffany breaks it down.
They want to be sure Rebecca isn’t about to do exactly what she did last time, so they want to frisk him right off the plane. Rebecca’s so stressed her mascara makes a mad dash for her nose and the only thing standing in the way is Tiff’s stop sign eyeshadow.
At the airport Zied approaches and he and Rebecca warmly embrace, and decide to bang one out in the airport bathroom, before Becks remember that she brought her parents to manufacture drama. Micah is uncomfortable with Zied’s hotness, and Tiffany is shocked to find that he looks the same way he does in video chat.
“I kinda expected him to have the same time travel ring my mother talks through, and the ability to edit his chin into a triangle. Who knew he was actually who he said he was?”
“Yes, so good, perfect,” Zied says, proving he’s already mastered the art of fake listening. “Yes, okay, good good.” The man is a prodigy.
They ask Zied what he wants to do, and he says go the fuck home because he just got off an 18 hour flight in the drumroll of a pandemic, so he needs a prison shower in the driveway, and to roll around on a tarp covered with cracked open vitamin c capsules. Micah and Tiffany opt to ignore this plea, and instead insist on post-flight drinks.
“Yes yes, good good,” Zied is patient with this. “These are not tears.”
“Weird,” Tiff begins, flipping through her Mom’s Relationshit notes. “After a marathon flight, he reports being tired, and seems uninterested in accusation-baked conversation over alcohol. I’m going to put a star in the column for ‘red flag’.”
“Why don’t you use the red flag post-its,” Micah is awake. “What the fuck did we even get those for? Are you going to flip through his whole file looking for stars? No. I can tell we’re gonna have problems.”
They drive through Atlanta, which is a great city to land in if you’ve never been to the US, and Zied is ready with the camera. He films everything out the window to send back to his family, and they keep right on driving until they end up in Rebecca’s plot of Georgia.
At the restaurant Rebecca is considerate of Zied, and makes sure the dishes don’t have pork. Like the seductress she is, she waves a deep fried bar of cheese under his nose.
“Yes, I like this,” Zied is always right. “Cheese, very good. Rebecca’s family, not like cheese.”
True to form, they start grilling Zied about his stateside career path. Since he can’t work for six months and just fucking landed, Zied hasn’t really thought about his 90 day plan, let alone his five year one. Rebecca says he took HVAC and plumbing classes and got a certificate, so he’s about to become a millionaire, and they can stop it. The interrogation continues, and Rebecca cuts it off and says they’re just going to have to trust her.
“Been here before, it ended badly,” Micah begins. “If anything happens at all, we’re going to blow it way out of proportion. Then we’re gonna have a problem. Can we go, because my Creed cover band has rehearsal at eight, and then I need to blow up a Hot Pocket in the microwave and yell at the television.”
“I understand,” Zied says. “I have seen this. Yes. Perfect.”
Despite the pleasantries, Zied is pissed off, because he was just confronted by two people who think Arabic men are interchangeable, and he’s just the next square on Rebecca’s international marriage BINGO! Card.
“This makes so much angry,” Zied begins. “Reddit loves me so very much. Why Rebecca’s family not on Reddit?”
Hazel doesn’t like how messy Tarik is, and finally someone has the basic, boring conflict you expect when people start living together. By next week, she should be screaming that she’s not his FUCKING mother. For now, she’s prepping to meet Tarik’s daughter Auri, whom she’s spoken to on video chat, but has never met in person. Tarik has warned Hazel that his daughter has autism, so she might not respond the way Hazel hopes. He also announces that Auri will be sleeping in the same bed with them, because he’s Auri’s comfort, and he’s not going to mess with success. Hazel thinks this stands to ruin their romance, but Tarik is not going to compromise when it comes to Auri.
Auri comes in and is attached to the game in her hands, and she’s nervous about the cameras and a new person. Hazel ignores it and in a super smooth mom move picks Auri up and hugs her like a koala. This could have ended poorly, and Auri initially looks like she’s acting out what’s expected of her during a hug, but then she drops her head on Hazel’s shoulder for real. Hazel is happy, and asks about combing Auri’s hair (she’s unfamiliar with curls) while Auri draws pictures of lines and explosives. Is this my new favorite 90DF child?
“NO NO NO!” Drascilla retorts, running into traffic with scissors in one hand and a baby diaper in the other.
“Do you really need a reminder,” Teayang floats in on a pink cloud, firing warmth cannons at everyone sulking.
Later on Hazel meets some of Tarik’s friends, and color me stunned, they’re actually welcoming of Hazel. They greet her with warm hugs and wine, and over dinner ask her opinion of American BBQ. Hazel goes quiet, which makes them laugh. Then one of the friends gives Hazel a gift. Hazel reports that this is the first gift she’s received from a friend, because in the Philippines none of her friends have enough money to give gifts. Oof. Privilege, checked.
One of the gifts is a scarf, and Hazel doesn’t know how it works, and apparently neither does Tarik. It starts out as Master’s degree graduation attire, and morphs into pilot gear, before settling into a cape for crime fighting. She keeps it on in cape fashion, because holy shit this is wholesome.
Susan asks her if it’s hard being away from her son, and Hazel gets emotional, because she’s the first cast member in history whose feelings have been acknowledged. “No one has even asked me if I’m using him for a green card,” Hazel sniffles. “Yet.”
“I can tell you miss him,” Susan says, which makes Hazel more upset. Tarik says he’s aware that she sacrificed a lot, which means he has to be a stand-up dude. Hazel asks if Tarik was crazy when he was a young pup, and Susan says they were all crazy and partied a lot.
“His bedroom was on top of my bedroom,” Susan says. “I never thought he would get married.” Does this mean he was always alone watching cartoons, that she often heard women say “that’s okay, it doesn’t matter,” or was he distributing sexual punch cards to a revolving door of ladies?
“They treat me like a person,” Hazel says. “If this continues, viewers at home will become afraid.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got enough unwelcome mat to go around,” Mike narfs, staring off into the disappointed landscape.
Meanwhile, Stephanie is talking to her cat while Ryan ignores her. She’s just learned that the pandemic will further delay her travel to Belize, and this news is such an emergency that Ryan must be summoned immediately. She pays four Russian bots to hassle him continuously on all social media, while she sends a bottomless flurry of text messages and calls him 14 times. As soon as the sky writer calls her back, she’ll move on to the hot air balloon, and activating his tracking implant. Steph says she’s worried about their relationshit, because she hasn’t seen Ryan in nine months, and the absence of in-person connection has pulled them further and further apart.
“I’m just going to zoom in on this artistic rendering of Stephanie as Cat Lady, k?” The camera people are never bored.
Stephanie spreads out on her bed with her cat, insisting that she’s not going to call Ryan all day, and then six hours pass and that’s still all she’s doing.
“This is appalling,” the cat weighs in. “I thought I taught her better than this. Hasn’t she learned that you’re supposed to sit on his lap, get up and claw him in the face, and then hide under the couch for three hours, refusing to emerge until tuna is presented on a small silver dish? Have I taught her nothing?”
“I’m not the cat, I’m the person with the silver dish!” Stephanie cries.
“Go shit in a box!” The cat shakes her.
When Ryan finally answers the phone, he’s annoyed with Stephanie, because she clogged up his voicemail and none of his other girlfriends could reach him. Ryan stutters as her formulates his excuse and blame shifting. He explains that he’s been busy working his ass off at his fake job that she funds, so he couldn’t answer the phone. Stephanie seizes the opportunity to throw her investment in him back in his face, proving they both fight dirty, and Ryan says he’s indifferent to going to America. He claims he wanted to go with her before, and now he sees that she’s far past crazy.
This would be a great time for Steph to hang up on Ryan, which is the only response when an argument crosses the rainbow bridge into gaslighting. Instead, she threatens to cancel his K-1 application, and Ryan tells her go ahead. She hunts for something that will illicit the emotional reaction she’s looking for, and when she comes up dry, she returns to the,“I paid for this” speech. When you can’t trap him with love, trap him with money, amirite?
“Is this where I am headed if I don’t soon get ring?” Natalie is terrified. “I’m so happy I’m crying.”
Has Stephanie learned anything from this loud, angry dismissal? Nope. Instead, she declares that if they’re going to end it, they’re going to end it in person, where she can beg him to remain in her life one last time. Nothing says love like silence, followed by declaration of indifference.
NEXT WEEK! Brandon’s family adds another wedge to Julia’s chore wheel to ensure this relationship is toast, Zied’s mom is heartbroken, Yara hangs with more of Jovi’s xenophobic family, Tarik is busted for talking to Minty, and says he didn’t think it was a big deal...which is why he kept it to himself, Amira gets out of detention, and Mike and Natalie launch a class war without sufficient war or class.
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I'm locked in Maplewood Shopping Center after dark.

Rubbing my eyes, I sat up, looked around and...
...for a second I forgot where I even was. I'd just been evicted from my shit apartment. Great. I'll just sleep in my shit car for the night, figure out the next steps, right? But of course, my car was gone. Towed for parking less than half a foot outside the yellow line. Seriously, less than half a foot, on a dead-end street. Half a fucking foot.
Now I was homeless, jobless, car-less, moneyless, and sleep-deprived. Fantastic. So I wandered into Maplewood Shopping Center, lay down on a bench, shut my eyes, and then… I woke up.
I woke up, and everything was dark. The whole place was empty. Storefronts gated. Kiosks draped in blankets. Even the bathrooms were locked. I didn't know they locked the bathrooms at night.
Why didn't somebody wake me up?
Still groggy, I looked both ways down the darkened hallways. This place hadn't been reno'd since the nineties, and you could tell. The main giveaway was the carpeted floor. You know exactly the type of carpet I'm talking about too. That short, worn-out velvety shit, splattered with random squiggles and colorful shapes. Nineties people really had a thing for squiggly shapes, god bless 'em.
Worse still, shopping malls always creeped me the fuck out. Maybe it's the maze-like layouts. Maybe it's all the faceless mannequins. Maybe it's the giant posters of happy smiling people with perfect teeth and perfect clothes and perfect hairlines.
It's probably the mannequins.
I pushed up from the bench, stretched out my arms, and yawned. At this point, I was annoyed, but not much else. This was an easily solvable problem: Find security, explain what happened, they'll let you out, and that's that. I wandered down the dark hallway, passing storefront after storefront. Every single place had a sale going. What's with that? Like if there's always a sale, then doesn't that mean there's never a-
-Behind me, something THUD against glass. I spun around, and gazed into the darkness. The sound echoed in the hallway, like somebody had slammed their forehead against a window.
"Hello...?"
No response. Only the sound of my own voice dimly echoing back at me. Regressive darkness stretched down to a Walmart entrance. Gated bars like clenched teeth. Glints off the logo above like spider eyes. Creepy. I shrugged it off, turned back down the hallway, and pushed forward.
Of all the malls to get trapped in - Why'd it have to be Maplewood Shopping Center? This place was a minefield of better-time-memories; Memories that only reminded me of how far I'd fallen. The same mall me and my buddies roamed as kids. We'd sneak in vodka filled water bottles, shoplift Pokemon cards from Toys R Us, and play Streetfighter II at the now-defunct Boxer's arcade. This was the same mall I took my first date ever. We watched Two Towers at the matinee cinema and went on the indoor Ferris wheel and held hands in the food court. The same mall I worked my first job, blending smoothies at Fritter's Fruits (Also defunct now. Thanks, Booster Juice).
I don't wanna sound bitter, but I know I'm not alone in hating shit that reminds you of your past. Especially when your past was infinitely better than your present. Sure, I wasn't the coolest kid in school, but I would've broke the top five. Easy. Just the fact I have to tell you how cool I was, proves how far I've fallen. I was Chuck fuckin' Bastion. But everyone just called me Bastion. I could do a backflip off solid ground without even trying. I could drink a whole two six without even puking. I simultaneously held the Streetfighter II high score and the second most touchdowns in high school football. You ever heard a whole crowd cheering your name? BASTION - BASTION - BASTION - Feels pretty good man.
My future was brighter than the fucking sun.
But now? Now, I can't make it up a flight of stairs without losing my breath. Now, I can't sit OR stand for more than an hour without my lumbar spine screaming at me. Now, I'm just some broke loser trapped in Maplewood Shopping Center on a Monday night-
-My eyes caught something. I looked up: A sign. Directional arrows pointing to Customer Service, washrooms, and the only thing that mattered: Security; Turn left here. Thank god. I picked up pace.
All the while, two thoughts were buzzing in the back of my head like a slipped disc: 'What made that thudding sound?' and 'Don't they usually leave the lights on at night here?'
Maybe they jumped on that eco-friendly train.
Either way, I reached security in good time; A little office tucked in the back corner of a dead-end hallway. As I approached, I could see the blue glow of a TV screen, dancing off the walls, bouncing off the windows. Praise Odin. Part of me was starting to worry that security wouldn't even be here. Maybe it was the weird energy in the air; Everything felt so still, like a paused VHS tape. (The fact many of you don't even know what a VHS tape is, again proves my irrelevance.)
I peered in through the shuttered windows; The office was barely bigger than a walk-in closet. One desk in either corner and a washroom door between them. An antique car calendar pinned up on the wall, a half empty cup of still-steaming coffee sat on the desk. An off-white cube monitor cycled through security footage. But nobody was there.
Maybe they were in the washroom? I gently knocked on the glass. No response. I looked down to the bottom of the washroom door. No light. Maybe they're on patrol? Either way, something felt off. I should just dip out through a fire escape.
My eyes drifted to the computer screen. Black and white security footage still played out, switching through different cameras all around the mall: The water fountain by the food court. The Ferris wheel by the movie theater. The bench outside the Wal-mart…
…The bench I'd been sleeping on… But it wasn't empty. Now, somebody was sitting on it: a dark and pixelated shadow, hunched over, elbows resting on thighs. Maybe the footage was delayed? Maybe the pixelated person was just me from a few minutes before. I checked the time on my wrist: 2:57 AM. I checked the timestamp on the footage: 2:57 AM. Okay… There's somebody else in the mall. Who cares. Maybe it's security? Maybe you should go back and-
-Behind me something THUD against glass - I spun around. The sound echoed in the hallway, the same sound from before: like somebody slammed their forehead against a window. I stood there, frozen, eyes scanning every dark corner, every gated storefront. But there was nothing. Nobody. Nothing.
Wary, I turned back to the security screen. I almost expected the stranger on the bench to be gone. They weren't. But what I saw was somehow worse: They were sitting upright now, head turned down the hallway, tilted like a hunting dog listening for prey. Completely motionless. Body language rigid, almost mechanical. And then, another echoing THUD. This time right beside me.
The stranger on the bench slid to standing, bolted down the hallway, and off the screen. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck me. I started to panic, mainly because I knew exactly where they were going. They were running towards the source of the sound. They were running towards me.
Now let me be clear, I'm no fucking hero, but I've never ran from a fight either. Even when the odds were vastly and obviously against me, I've never ran from a fight. Even this one time, when the other guy was twice my size and armed with a knife. I didn't run. I should've run, but I didn't run.
All that being said, this was different. I didn't even know what I was up against. I didn't even know what this person wanted. All I knew was it felt like something truly incomprehensible and horrific was bolting through the mall, running towards me, hellbent on only Jesus himself knew what. Eternal misery felt imminent.
In the distance, shoes squeaked against tiled flooring. Each step slamming louder and louder, closer and closer. Each impact filled with unspeakable intent. My eyes shot around, desperately searching for a weapon, someplace to hide, anything-
-Bingo: A row of old arcade machines, lined up against the far wall. I knew from experience searching for fallen coins; the machines were always placed about a foot away from the wall. My feet carried me over before my brain even gave the order. All the while, the approaching stranger was getting closer and closer - about to round the corner and-
-I slipped behind the arcades. A little more cramped than I would've liked, but better than being out in the open, cornered in a dead-end hallway. I wedged myself further into hiding.
The running slid to a stop. I couldn't see them, but I imagined them standing there, about fifty feet away, manic eyes scanning the dead-end hallway, searching for the source of the sound.
A long and deafening silence crawled by. Nothing but the musty smell of soda-stained carpet to keep me company. A few more minutes went by until - a footstep… but this was different. It wasn't the sound of a shoe against tile. It was the sound of a sock, gently scraping against carpet. They ditched their shoes. This motherfucker was wearing socks now.
A sickening chill went up my spine, a chill of fear. A twisting fear that was quickly replaced with shame. What the hell happened to me? Hiding from one dude. Cowering behind arcade boxes like Norman fucking Wallaby. The old me, the king of the mall, Bastion the Scrapper, he'd be out there kicking this guy's teeth in by now. Or, at the very least, trying to. I huffed, shifted forward, and took a deep breath. No more hiding-
-But my burst of bravery jumped ship, and it jumped ship for good fucking reason. It jumped ship because I could now hear the stranger speaking. About twenty feet away, the stranger was whispering to himself.
"This fucking mall…" he stammered, "First date at the Ferris wheel… same Ferris wheel… That's the same Ferris wheel... I wonder what she's doing now?" he whispered, numb and empty. I don't know why, or, more importantly, how, but this guy was repeating my earlier thoughts aloud. Like he'd been listening in; Like he was a broken recording of my own mind.
"Why did I dump her?" the stranger continued, "I wonder if she's married now... Oh wait, she dumped me. Cause I cheated. Right... Fuck that was stupid. You're so fucking stupid Chuck." he chuckled bitterly, "Huh… is the tape delayed?" the stranger sighed, "Who's this guy on the bench? Security maybe...?"
This was not my night.
I leaned back into hiding. No way I was getting out of this through force, I hadn't been in a fight since college anyways. So instead, I waited. Breathing quiet. Peering out through a crack between the arcade machines. Watching, as the stranger paced back and forth, whispering, rambling, occasionally hitting himself in the head with a closed fist. I shut my eyes and focused on breathing. One breath in. One breath out. One breath in. One Breath-
-Right beside me, a whirring of fan's, beeping and buzzing sprang to life. My eyes snapped open.
"-STREEEEEET FIGHTER TWO" A baritone voice proclaimed.
The machine I was hiding behind had turned on by itself - fuck - fuck - FUCK.
"INSERT COINS…" the over-zealous announcer insisted, "INSERT COINS…"
I peered out through the crack. The stranger was looking towards me now, head tilted, again like a curious hunting dog. He took a step closer. Another step. The dancing glow of the arcade machine bounced off his face now. He was still too distant to see fully, but even from here, he looked… ordinary. Bland even. Just an average, thirty-something white guy. No carnival smile. No long teeth. No over-sized mouth. Just a bored-looking dude with a boring looking face; The kind of face you forgot about the second it left your line of sight.
I don't know why, but seeing this was somehow worse than seeing a grinning maniac with 'too many teeth'. There was something vaguely familiar about him too, like I'd seen him before. Maybe in a dream.
Finally, I snapped back into problem-solving mode. First, I reached down and yanked out Street Fighter's power cable. Darkness. Silence. I looked up. The crack between the machines was now blocked by shadow. The stranger was standing right there, peering through, staring directly at me. Faint moonlight reflecting off his unblinking eyes.
"It's okay…" he said calmly, "It's okay… don't run…" He stepped closer, and slid his hand between the machines towards me, "Don't run…" he reached closer, "Don't be a Norman - W-wallaby-" his calm facade broke into laughter, like he just remembered the punchline of some ancient joke. A strange, stammering, forced laughter, "Bastion…" he said, wheezing as he reached towards me, eyes bulging, "Chuck… Bastion…" his laughter grew more hysterical with each passing second, "Chuck FUCKING Bastion" he howled, hand mere inches from my face now. Reaching. Stretching. Grabbing.
Enough.
I reached up, grabbed his forearm, and yanked him closer. His laughing only grew louder now, more hysterical. Like a poor man's Joker. I pushed his arm to the side, pressing it against the corner of the arcade box. His laughing turned slightly confused. I grit my teeth, and with all my strength, all my weight, I lunged forward and-
-his forearm snapped with a satisfying CRACK. Like a tree branch breaking in the wind. But he didn't scream; he didn't cry. He just kept laughing. Louder and louder. Manic howling. His voice seeming to reverberate from the walls now, from the air itself. "OH… Oh no!" he wheezed, staggering back from the machine, gasping for breath between each burst of forced laughter. His snapped forearm was dangling uselessly beside him. But I didn't care about that. Now, he was right where I wanted him; He was in the fucking dead zone.
I twisted sideways, pressed my back up against the wall, and my feet up against the back of Streetfighter II. I pushed with all my strength, and the machine lurched forward. Crashing on top of him with an echoing BOOM.
I lunged over top and scrambled away, glancing back over my shoulder just before rounding the corner. The stranger lay on the floor, both legs pinned beneath the arcade box, snapped arm flailing limply at his side. Somehow, he was laughing even harder now. Laughing so hard it looked like his eyes might burst right through his skull.
"CHUCK fuck-ING BASTION," he wheezed, head shaking with every syllable, but I was already gone, hauling ass. Running faster than I'd ever run, Lonsdale High game-winning touchdown included. I skid around the next corner, and my eyes landed on a sign that read: FIRE ESCAPE. Joy. Just in time, buddy was somehow in hot pursuit once again. I had no clue how he was running with two mangled legs, but I didn't have time to think about it.
"CHUCK, WAIT!" He screamed, still barely able to get a word out between all the laughter, "CHUCK! I WANNA SHOW YOU SOMETHING! CHUCK… C'MON CHUCK!"
I burst out through the doors into…
…A maintenance hallway. Fuck. Another concrete maze. Three different paths. All the while, laughing-boy was gaining on me. I glanced up:
FIRE ESCAPE —>
I bee-lined rightward down the hallway. Barely made it twenty feet when the doors behind me burst open.
"W-wait" he gasped, sounding out of breath now, "Please… wait!" he said, "Don't leave!" he wasn't laughing now. He almost sounded scared.
I sprint down the long stretch of hallway. The exit felt impossibly far away, like the length of a football field. But I kept running, pushing harder, faster. Tingling pain reverberating through every inch of my aging corpse.
The stranger was getting closer with each passing second, "Bastion... Bastion... Bastion..." he said, his voice building each time. His voice splitting into dozens, hundreds of different voices, a growing audience, applause included, "BASTION. BASTION. BASTION." but they weren't cheering my name, they were mocking it. Like patronizing bullies cheering for the slowest kid in the race, "BASTION. BASTION. BASTION..."
I only ran faster, the door pulling closer and closer all the while. Red EXIT sign like a beacon of desperate hope.
"-WAIT. CHUCK. PLEASE," he whined, his voice back to the singular. "PLEASE CHUCK, DON'T LEAVE ME HERE..." and now he was weeping. Weeping and terrified.
"CHUCK, PLEEEEASE" he moaned, still somehow gaining on me, right on my heels until-
-I burst out through the door. Spun around and slammed my body against it, bracing for a struggle…
…But no struggle came. No banging on the door. No weeping. No laughing. Only complete and utter silence, as if the second I stepped outside, the stranger ceased to exist. I waited there, bracing against the door for a good minute. But then another thought crept over me: Other exits. What if he was going to another exit? I set my ear against the cold metal door and listened.
Muffled whispers: "Fucking loser. Fucking loser. Fucking broke loser. You used to be a hero, used to be a fucking HERO. Now, you're just an aging, homeless, fucking nobody. Fucking worthless."
The stranger was back to whispering my own self-abusive thoughts aloud. Fuck this. I stepped carefully back from the door and crept away backward, bit by bit. Eyes locked on the door all the while. I did this for about twenty feet. Then, I turned around and ran; Ran in a straight line down the cold winter streets of my childhood town.
I ran past Greenridge Park, the same park Chris got into a fight with Jason back in Freshman year. I ran past Amy's house on Baker's street, the same house we found her cat Marble, under the couch nursing a fresh litter of kittens. I ran past Bakersview Hospital, the same hospital my grandmother died in her sleep while I slept in a chair in the corner of the room. I kept running. Breath fogging. Lungs burning. A run that turned into a jog... a jog that turned into a walk. But I just kept going. Exhausted. Dragging my feet. Getting as much distance between me and that mall as humanly possible and...
...that was it.
Disappointing, I know. But don't worry, it gets even more disappointing: I never went back, I never investigated. Honestly, I don't even care about what happened. I'm perfectly content not knowing. I never found a psychic priest or someone who explained what went down and what I needed to do to defeat it. I never found an old book in a dusty library telling me the stranger was a demon from the seventh circle of hades, intent on devouring my soul or something. None of that shit. Just a weird, traumatizing encounter with god knows what. Unexplained. Meaningless. It's been three years since that night in the mall, and I'm still getting over it.
Something tells me it's not the last time I'll encounter that mind-reading lunatic, but who knows. Either way, I'm just glad to be free.
And my life? Thanks for asking.
I'd like to say that I turned myself around. But I didn't…. I mean, sure, my life's a little less shit than it was three years back. I'm living with my half-brother in Tulsa now; I got a part-time gig selling used phones. But everything's still shit; Especially compared to my peak. I guess we all peak at some point right? Everybody hits the best day they'll ever have, and then it's all down hill till death bed. I think my peak was in high school, scoring the game-winning touchdown against Lonsdale High. Your peak might be today. Tomorrow. Five years from now. Five years back. That's it; Everybody peaks; That's all. There's a lesson, I guess. Maybe? Fuck. That's probably not a good thing to believe, even if it's true. Either way, I'm not the guy you should be taking life advice from anyways...
...But now that I think about it, I guess there's one more thing here. Maybe the most important thing of all. The moral of the story, so to speak. The lesson of the day:
Don't get locked in Maplewood Shopping Center after dark.
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780
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Nugu Roundup #67 - Drop that Hero and get with the Zero - 210117 + Album Giveaway!

Hello and welcome to the latest Nugu Roundup!
What is this?: This is a weekly feature designed to highlight the unknown/underappreciated groups and soloists working hard in the Kpop world that often fall under the radar. Please share your own information, favorite performance videos, fanmeet stories, or anything else relevant below!
Last week we took a look at a couple exciting pre-debut groups set to unveil this year. This week let's check out a co-ed group who recently signed with a new agency and who has a unique martial-arts twist - let's get to know K-Tigers Zero!
Nugu Roundup Album Giveaways are back! This week, for the 21st Album Giveaway, I have STAYC's debut single album Star To A Young Culture available! To become eligible to win just comment below about whatever your favorite song, dance cover, song cover, or other content from this week's roundup is and I'll randomly draw from all commenters in two weeks on the next Roundup!
What is Nugu?: While in Korean it literally means 'Who' in the broader Kpop context it refers to groups that are generally unknown amongst the greater public. It doesn't have to mean they're extremely new, though it can, and there are of course varying degrees of 'unknown' which some groups having very strong niche fandoms and others being almost invisible. I take a fairly broad view and will include groups that may be known to some, but who don't have widespread name recognition.
Let's get on with the show...
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K-TIGERS ZERO
Who are they?: K-Tigers Zero is an 10 member co-ed group originally founded by K-Tigers E&C and who signed with DR Music for additional promotion in 2020. The group is made up of Taekwondo athletes and incorporates martial arts exhibition into their performances. Their fandom name is K-Me.
Company: K-Tigers E&C is an offshoot of the K-Tigers Taekwondo School which is one of the most well regarded Taekwondo academies in Korea. In addition to representing K-Tigers Zero the company also represents former member of Miss-A Min. The group also signed with DR Music as of last year, who is known as the former home of Baby V.O.X and Rania and the current home of Black Swan.
Full Group Interviews

Members

Junhee
- Position: Leader, Rapper
- Real Name: Jang Jun Hee
- Age: 28 (IA)
- Facts: He was on the Korean National Taekwondo Team in 2011, 2012, and 2013. He often creates choreography for the group in collaboration with their official choreographers, giving input into which martial arts moves can be incorporated and what will and won't work. He says that he doesn't have to be strict with the group because they all have the synergy of discipline from their training.
Taemi
- Position: Vocalist, Dancer
- Real Name: Kim Kyung Sook (Korean), Tammy Kim (English)
- Age: 30 (IA)
- Facts: She appeared on the SBS TV show Star King (sort of a talent variety show) in 2007 and received an offer to join the Korean Presidential Protection Service, which she turned down. She became a trainee under DR Music for the third generation of Baby V.O.X which eventually became Rania, but did not debut with the group. She has had major roles in martial-arts feature films including More Kick and Female War: Bloody War in Bongcheon-dong. She was on the Korean National Taekwondo Team in 2007 and competed in the World Championships in 2012. She became a trainer for the Taekwondo World Championships in 2018. Her stage name comes from her character's name from the movie High Kick. She graduated from Korea National Sport University.
Taejoo
- Position: Lead Vocalist, Dancer
- Real Name: Na Tae Joo
- Age: 30 (IA)
- Facts: He competed in Mr. Trot and made it into the semi-final round, ending in 14th place. He says he became interested in Trot because his Aunt was a trot singer. He has appeared in the martial-arts films More Kick, Pan, and Hero. He was on the Korean National Taekwondo Team in 2018.
Yiseul
- Position: Vocalist, Dancer
- Real Name: Park Yi Seul
- Age: 27 (IA)
- Facts: She is a graduate of Korea Sports University with a degree in Taekwondo. She is also a model. She says she enjoys doing original music more than when they were a Taekwondo demonstration team and only did dance covers of other songs.
Yoonji
- Position: Main Vocalist, Lead Rapper, Dancer
- Real Name: Jung Yoon Ji
- Age: 26 (IA)
- Facts: She studied Taekwondo at Yongin University. She recently debuted as a soloist under the stage name Plee, and her solo debut was Blind (MV). She has a YouTube channel (link). She lives with her sister. She says that while some people have told her that she should pick one of either music or sports, she likes that K Tigers Zero are doing something unique and fusing the two, and thinks that the group will forge a unique style and identity all their own.
Min_D / Minji
- Position: Lead Vocalist, Dancer
- Real Name: Cho Min Ji
- Age: 21 (IA)
- Facts: She has compose and produce music and has contributed to the group writing music for their tracks Odd & Beautiful and Side Kick as well as their holiday song Winter is Coming. She is from Daegu. She has a YouTube channel (link). She likes to listen to music and think about how the song was made, which instruments and samples were used, and then remake it in her own style.
Hyunmin
- Position: Lead Rapper, Dancer
- Real Name: Byun Hyun Min
- Age: 21 (IA)
- Facts: He competed in Produce 101 and was in the project group RAINZ. He is very acrobatic and can do many flips. He took first place in the high school division of a national Taekwondo competition. He has studied Taekwondo since he was 6 years old, inspired by his brother who started before him, and became interested seeing his brother's belt color change as he advanced, which reminded him of Digimon. He can do a 900 degree spinning kick. He has taught himself how to paint and draw and become a talented artist. Because of his training his thighs are so muscular that he has to buy pants in sizes too large for his waist so that his thighs will fit.
Youjin
- Position: Lead Vocalist, Dancer
- Real Name: Kim Youjin
- Age: 21 (IA)
- Facts: She is a fan of Billie Eilish and Apple. She is very into fashion. She has a YouTube channel (link).
Kyusung
- Position: unknown
- Real Name: Yoon Kyu Sung
- Age: 18 or 19 (IA)
- Facts: He joined the group at the end of 2020, not much is known about him yet.
Yejun
- Position: unknown
- Real Name: Kim Ye Jun
- Age: 16 or 17 (IA)
- Facts: He joined the group at the end of 2020, not much is known about him yet.

Debut (Part A): September 19th, 2019 with Now (MV) Live Stage (Link)

Song: One of two simultaneously released title tracks from the group's debut EP "HuiRoAeRak" (Emotion) this R&B/Hip-Hop mid-tempo jam has late summer vibes echoed in the MV with some beautiful beach scenes and some acrobatics on a boat.
Composers/Producers: Cha Cha Malone (Jay Park - All I Wanna Do, Kim Lip - Twilight, Woodz - Pool), Maxx Song (Laboum - Firework, Jiselle - Better This Way, SF9 - RPM)

Debut (Part B): September 19th, 2019 with Side Kick (MV) Live Stage (Link) Performance Version (Link) Dance Practice (Link)

Song: The second of two simultaneously released title tracks from "HuiRoAeRak", this Hip-Hop/EDM/Techno track showcases the group's Taekwondo and acrobatic capabilities with intense martial-arts based choreography yet also has ample opportunities for members to show their vocal capabilities.
Composers/Producers: DJ Koo (Ailee - Heart Crusher, CLON - Everybody, DJ Koo - Runnin' To You), Ten Bolman (only other K-Tigers Zero tracks), Min_D (group member) (K Tigers Zero - Odd & Beautiful)

First Comeback: March 25th, 2020 with The Starry Night (audio) Live Stage (Link)

Song: The promoted track from the group's first digital single "Love" this EDM Ballad showcases the group's Taekwondo and acrobatic skills in a softer more flowing style. The concept of the digital single was to show a global sensitivity and sadness associated with the concept of Love.
Composers/Producers: Drew Ryan Scott (VERIVERY - Super Special, Fromis_9 - Fun!, The Boyz - Reveal), All Star (Shark & A Wright) (Black Swan - Tonight, Twice - Cry For Me, Secret Number - Got That Boom)

Most Recent Comeback: December 26th, 2020 with Last of Us (MV)

Song: The group's second digital single, from their digital single album "Rage" this continues in the group's theme of exploring emotions, with this installment being inspired by the COVID era and the rage people feel about the loss of connections and economic troubles felt due to the virus. This release marked the arrival of two new members, Kyusung and Yejun.
Composers/Producers: GODOK (Be.A - Magical, Baekhyun - UN Village, Sechskies - Something Special), dress (SAAY - Darling, Junny - New Girl, Kid Milli - Bankroll)

YouTube Channel: K-Tigers TV
Random Stuff

Trivia: The group has a relatively large age gap, with 14 years difference between the oldest and youngest member, and K-Tigers Taekwondo has students ranging from children to adults. The group has rotating member system where members from the K-Tigers Taekwondo Team join and members of K-Tigers Zero rotate out. The group grew out of the K-Tigers Taekwondo Team doing YouTube Videos and live performances set to various Kpop songs. The group undertook a world tour in 2019. Ashton Kutcher helped the group gain some publicity early on by doing his take on a Taekwondo Shuffle Dance that went briefly viral from a movie premier the group attended.
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ALBUM ARCHAEOLOGY
What is this?: A new segment to do a deep dive into 'forgotten' but amazing albums from nugu artists. I'll probably refine criteria later, but for now it'll be based on low physical sales, limited or lack of charting for promoted singles, and lack of major discussion posts in Kpop about the album in the past. Last week we took a look at Sunny Hill's only full studio album Sunny Blues. This week let's check out a hidden gem in Rainbow's discography, their Innocent EP!
INNOCENT
Release Date: February 23rd, 2015
Sales: 4,176 (Gaon)
Charting: The album reached 5th on the Gaon Weekly Album Chart and 10th on the Monthly. The promoted single, Black Swan, reached 43 on the Gaon Weekly Chart.
History: Following a nearly two-year hiatus from their last full-group release, Rainbow Syndrome (though there was a sub-unit comeback in-between) this was marketed as a change in image for the group, with a turn towards a mature, elegant, and luxurious image and sound. While the EP garnered critical praise for it's musical depth and maturity, it was not received well by the Korean public and promotions were stopped only two weeks after they began.
INNOCENT

TRACK 1 - Bad Man Crying (audio)
- Song: Starting off with stripped-bare production and almost whispered vocals, the track builds into an emotional and soulful R&B ballad keeping the group's vocals front and center as they lament knowing they need to leave a partner who isn't good for them but finding it emotionally challenging to finally put the relationship to rest.
- Lyrics: Breathe, Son Hyesung
- Composers/Producers: Aven Victory (어벤전승) (Iris - Love Game, April - I Like You, Blue Fox - Wake Me Up)
TRACK 2 - Black Swan (Title Track) (MV) Live Stage (Link)
- Song: Expressing vulnerability and a desire to be understood and comforted, this is described as a song for people who are hurting. Minimalist production again lets the vocals of the group shine through with a sultry and restrained intensity mirrored in the MV and choreography.
- Lyrics: Hara, Enne, Ricky
- Composers/Producers: Hara (Brown Eyed Girls - Boy, April - Luv Me X 3), Ricky (2NB - Pink Pink, SG Wannabe - Writing Our Stories, Yesung - Splash)
TRACK 3 - Mr. Lee (audio)
- Song: Starting off with a sexy groove the group layers sultry vocals overtop speaking about a passionate romance that's fallen cold and wanting to be made to feel desired again.
- Lyrics: Shoulder Thug, Kasper
- Composers/Producers: Shoulder Thug (Crayon Pop - Vroom Vroom, Cando - Her, Ailee - Midnight)
TRACK 4 - Pierrot (audio)
- Song: Based on the clown character, this song speaks about how modern people often have to hide their emotions like a clown who must always smile. Musically it incorporates a 2-Step dance beat combined with upbeat electronic accompaniment.
- Lyrics: Nam Gisang
- Composers/Producers: Nam Gisang (Berry Good - Daddy Long Legs, Beatwin - Stalker, Minx - Love Shake), Winding Wing (Girls Day - Female President, Berry Good - 1 to 10, KARA - I Luv Me), DAX (Gray - Moon Blue, Hyolin - Dally, OnlyOneOf - Angel)
TRACK 5 - Privacy (audio)
- Song: Incorporating a New Jack Swing style instrumental, this sassy track is about the push and pull between men and women circling around how much of themselves to reveal.
- Lyrics: G-High, Kim Yoo Seok, Agnes Shin
- Composers/Producers: MonoTree (Natty - Teddy Bear, Loona - Butterfly, Ladies Code - Galaxy), Agnes Shin (SNSD - Party, Melody Day - Satellite, SES - Birthday)
TRACK 6 - A Little More (audio)
- Song: A sexy and husky R&B ballad, the accompaniment gets out of the way and let's the girls show off their sensual vocal skills in this song about bed-based nocturnal activities.
- Lyrics: MachWave
- Composers/Producers: MachWave (Park Gyuri - Dream Lover, April - Muah)

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IN MEMORIAM
HONEY POPCORN
Who were they?: Honey Popcorn was a five member girl group made up of Japanese members, several of whom had previously (or currently) worked in the Japanese Adult Video industry and/or worked as Gravure (non-explicit sexy modeling) Models as well as working as Jpop Idols.
Company: Kyun Create, the label which housed the group, was funded by Yua Mikami, the leader of the group as a passion project. Honey Popcorn was their only artist.
Debut: March 21st, 2018 with Bibidi Babidi Boo (MV) Live Stage (Link) Dance Version (Link)

Song: A light and bright song that steers far away from the image many people expected the group to debut with given their background. The song is about casting a spell to fall in love. This was the title track of their debut EP of the same name. This song features a three-member line-up which the group debuted with.
Composers/Producers: Emvago (only Honey Popcorn tracks), ZOPA (only Honey Popcorn tracks), XEO (no other credits found)

First Comeback: July 5th, 2019 with De-aeseohsta (MV) Live Performance (Link)

Song: Staying in the cute realm, this one also has a magic connection, but now the spell is about self-love. With a positive message about finding confidence in yourself this was the title track of the group's 2nd EP of the same name. This saw the addition of new members not affiliated with the Japanese Adult Video industry.
Composers/Producers: Super Sta (no other credits found), UniPark (Im Heebin - Cuz, Kim Hyobin - Find Her)

Other Release: December 23rd, 2018 with Pretty Lie (MV)

Song: A special Chinese single.

Active Between: March 21st, 2018 - ????
Reasons for Disbanding: While the group faced some backlash from the Korean public due to adult occupations of some of the members, they seemed to be willing to continue in the face of those challenges. The reason for disbanding now is not known, but could be COVID related or due to failure to find success as a group. New information leads to reports of their disbandment being incorrect.
Trivia: Yua Mikami says the idea to form a Kpop group came the head of S1 Entertainment, her JAV agency, who thought that because she loved Kpop it might be a good way to extend the length of her career. Mikami was originally a member of the Japanese Idol Group SKE48 but was forced to 'graduate' from the group when photos leaked of her dating. Following that incident she decided that since her innocent image had been ruined in the face of the Japanese public she might as well try the adult industry. Mikami was a longtime Kpop fan and belongs to the Twice fan club, and has seen Apink and Twice in concert in Japan. Members Moko Sakura and original member who left the group Miko Matsuda had also been Jpop Idols who left the industry to do adult video work. The newly recruited members include Sara Izumi, who had pervious experience as a Jpop idol but was not involved in the adult industry, Ruka Tajma, who did not have previous idol experience and who worked as a Gravure model, and Nako Miyase, who was a member of Japanese Gravure Idol Group Sherbet and who has worked as a Gravure model.
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That's it for today, let's get the discussion on!
As always, if you have any suggestions for groups, content, or things you'd like to see, please let me know in the comments below.
Also as always, a big shout-out to u/not-named-in-credits for founding nugutown and u/sharnaranwan for continuing the work over there.

36 year old living in London on Maternity Leave

You guys asked for more diaries with kids… so here we go! I’m 36 living in London with husband and 2 kids (8 month old and 3.5 year old), and am a Sales Director, but currently on maternity leave. This diary was written while in lockdown, so this diary might seem a bit lame, but it’s because the burnout is strong, and there isn’t much we are able to do! To get a glimpse of “normal pre-covid” life here is my dairy from March of last year HERE
Assets and Debt - This is in a mix of USD and GBP because I’m an expat living in London:
US Investments (401/Roth) - $175,000
US Checking- $3600
US Stock fund - $9500
UK Checking - £3,800
UK Savings - £66,800
UK Pension - £20,000
I don’t have any debt beyond credit card which I pay in full each month.
I went to a state school out of state, but my parents paid so didn’t have any loans.
Income: £63,300 base salary, and OTE is closer to £90K - Because I’m on maternity leave for the first part of this year I forecast that my annual salary will be closer to £80K. 2020 I ended up at £91,500 pre tax.
Take home pay: Normally £3400 monthly (base) - but I’m currently on maternity leave and get around £600 a month until I go back in April. I still get paid out 100% on my quarterly bonus, which actually has been a blessing in disguise as Covid hit our industry hard.
Rental properties - $56,000 profit annually
Husbands Salary £90k
Expenses:
Daycare: Currently £0. My daughter goes to nursery in the morning (15 hours Government funded) and my son will start daycare 3x a week in April once I go back to work. (3 days will run around £1050 a month). I’m planning to send my daughter to full time nursery in February, which will be around £600 a month.
Rent: I pay £650, but the total monthly rent is £2150 (husband covers the rest - he also covers the remaining mortgage on rental properties that have one)
Utilities and Internet is covered by my husband
Gym (Taken directly from my paycheck with so not included here, but I pay £150 a month and currently on pause due to the lockdown.)
Transportation: I used to budget £130 a month for the tube… now it’s £0.
Monthly Subscriptions:
HayU - Reality TV subscription service £5 - Worth it’s weight in gold during lockdown so we can watch Below Decks, Top Chef and Project Runway!
Sitters.co.uk membership - £5.00 (which, I think I’ve used once since March, but I want to have in case of emergency and we need childcare)
Ocado Delivery - £4
Netflix - Husband pays
NYTimes, New Yorker & The Cut - £5
Daughters ballet class is £50 - we pay even though it is on zoom only, but she can do as many classes as we want a month. Probably going to cancel before February because she hates Zoom and misses her friends - we’ll re-up when things open up again.
Amazon Subscribe and Save £25 - Monthly delivery of diapers and wipes
Cell phone - £15
Cleaner - £80 (she comes 2x a month)
Annual Fees
Amazon Prime - £99 paid annually
Chase Credit Card - $100 paid annually
Two Together Travel Card - £30 hasn’t gotten much use this year, but has at least paid for itself. (Gives my husband and I 30% off all train tickets where we travel together)
ArtFund Couples Card- £79 which we’ve used once this year - I’m considering it a donation this year, it allows for discounts at different museums and helps with their funding.
Zoo Season Pass - £198 we bought this in August and went fairly often while the zoo was open (2x a month) unfortunately the zoo was closed all of November and since mid December.
Donations: I don’t have any standing contributions, I am more likely to donate ad hoc, especially if it is in support of a friend. We contribute to fundraising for my daughters school, I’ve given about £500 this school year so far.
Family Help
Currently, nothing beyond sending gifts for Christmas and birthdays. I lived at home with my mom for about 2 years from the ages of 22-24, I found this arrangement to be very typical of people who grew up in my hometown which is a VHCOL city.
Career Progression: You can check it out here
My first job (beyond babysitting) was working at an ice-cream/soda shop when I was 17. It was an awesome first job, I learned a lot about running a small business and diversifying inventory (the owner also sold gag gifts and collectables to offset the low ice-cream sales in the winter).
Money Diary
Day 1 - Sunday:
11:00 After everyone is showered, fed and the adults are caffeinated we head out to take a walk down to a large playground bit further from our house. There is a short line to get in, but once inside there is the perfect amount of people, and enough space to sit down while socially distancing.
1:30 We bribe our daughter out of the playground by promising her some french fries, we grab lunch (2 sandwiches to split and an order of fries and an orange juice) £10.50
5:00 A few friends have shared links to donate food to the National Guard as they work on Inauguration day, I donate $25 or £18.40
6:15 Kids have dinner, a few episodes of Peppa Pig (side note, I’d like to acknowledge my love for Peppa’s playgroup teacher, Madame Gazelle. I love the nuggets of backstory they give her… she was in a pop band, had a lost love, etc), and bedtime routine (bath, stories).
8:15 I place an order for Pasta Evangelists pasta delivery - I’ve seen ads for months and months and finally pulled the trigger because they are including an Aperol Spritz set and charcuterie with your first order and deeply miss traveling, so at least I can pretend I’m on holiday. £14.50 billed now, but will arrive next week.
Total: £28.90
Day 2 - Monday
6:15 - Baby is up and needs a diaper change and bottle, he’s happy to chill in bed with us for about an hour until our daughter wakes up. Get her breakfast sorted and get her ready for nursery.
9:00 - Husband leaves to drop my daughter off at nursery, returns with coffee. We get takeaway coffee pretty often to support our local coffee shop. My husband pays today. We are very lucky in that most schools in the UK are closed and will be closed until Easter, but our nursery has decided to remain open. I’m so happy because she needs the socialisation and loves going and playing with her friends.
10:00 Morning of house chores, cleaning kitchen, folding laundry, vacuuming, making bottles and making beds. I shower and throw on some leggings with a fun palm print. It is blue Monday after all! My morning routine just consists of moisturiser at the moment.
11:45 - Pick up my daughter from nursery and feed the kids lunch. I’m not much of a chef, my meals are very simple and I won’t bore you with too many food descriptions in this diary, but to give you an idea, my son has mashed banana and blueberries, and my daughter has some chicken bites, banana, blueberry and yogurt, and some cherry tomatoes.
4:15 Long afternoon where I didn’t do anything but run after the kids. Attempted to do some scooter practice outside but didn’t get very far. Daughter has a Zoom ballet class, afterwards I hide in the kitchen and eat some chocolate easter eggs. Some days I feel like I have accomplished nothing, and today is one of them.
10:30 Head to bed - after watching The September Issue I found out Grace Coddington has a autobiography, so I get started on that. I’ve been reading a lot of memoirs and autobiographies recently, so up for any recommendations!
Day 3 - Tuesday
7:15 My husband gets the baby from his room and I feed him a bottle. We are lucky that he is (mostly) sleeping through the night. We get my daughter ready for nursery and husband drops her off. He picks me up a coffee on his way home.
9:30 I walk over to a friend’s house to drop off some baby clothes, (socially distanced, I just drop them off) her little boy is a few months younger than mine. I wish we were able to get together more as I’m finding this maternity leave to be rough. It’s really hard to not have the same activities and meet ups with friends to look forward to. I did a baby music class for a while (£60 for a term of 8 weeks, just an FYI) when it was possible to attend, but it was hard to connect with other moms when we all must wear masks, keep far apart, were told not to have conversations with each other, and can’t go to get a coffee or lunch after the class.
10:15 Baby fell asleep on the walk home, so while he sleeps I do an Amazon order for some random stuff we need that has been sitting in my cart for a while, (Ponytail holders and hair clips for my daughter, glue (super and Elmers), packing tape, Sudocream, placemats for the kids, Carter’s zippered sleepsuits in a bigger size, and some Valentines Day decorations). £67.28
3:00 - This afternoon we went to the playground and I picked up a book (Rodham by Curtis Sittenfield) from our local library which is still open for pick up. They’ve waived hold fees and late fees during the pandemic which has been really nice.
6:00 - Our grocery delivery arrives - it’s your basic milk, eggs, bread, and enough fruits, veggies, snacks, and household items (paper towels, toilet paper, cleaning supplies) to hopefully last another 10 days which was the soonest I could get another delivery in. £123.09
7:35 My kids are asleep and I give my mom a quick call - we discuss local news in my hometown and tomorrow’s inauguration. I’m excited, but also a little worried about how things could go. We talk about her hopefully being able to come out for half term in May, by then she should be vaccinated and our lockdown should be over.
10:30 Go back and forth between reading Grace and Rodham. Finally fall asleep at 12:30 even though I’m exhausted.
Total £190.40
Day 4 - Wednesday
10:00 Happy Inauguration Day! Sit down and begin my son’s daycare application, and get in touch with my HR team to let them know and also schedule a Keep In Touch day for later in February.
1:30 I picked my daughter up from nursery, made turkey sandwiches for everyone (baby gets some pureed fruit) and did an online workout class at 12:30. £6 for the class as it is a separate payment from my paused membership.
3:00 We (the whole family) go out in the rain for a scooter jaunt. We are home within an hour as it is rainy and not that nice out and flip on CNN to watch inauguration coverage. Around 5:00 my husband goes on a run and I put together dinner for the kids and put them to bed.
8:00 Sit down to eat some coconut shrimp stir fry and watch the rest of the ceremony that we taped. After dinner I start another grocery delivery and look at pinterest for recipe inspiration. The total comes to £86.70 but won’t arrive and I won’t be charged until next Thursday.
10:00 Head to bed and continue reading a few chapters of Grace. Living vicariously through her jet set life as we have been stagnant for so long.
Total: £6
Day 5 - Thursday
6:15 Baby is up and I bring him back to our bed and feed him a bottle. I fell asleep again between 7:00-8:20 and had three intense dreams back to back. I wake up super exhausted. Help get my daughter ready for nursery.
11:45 Go to pick up my daughter and stop by the post office to drop off an eBay sale. I also buy some stamps to send letters to the US, and some popcorn £29.40 Stop by the grocery store as well to pick up a few things; blueberries, tortilla wraps, orange juice and a pastry £5.25
3:00 Still feeling very blah. My son ended up taking a 90 minute nap (!!) so I tried to lay down but couldn’t fall asleep. My daughter doesn’t want to go to the playground, just play inside, which is fine. I think she is over the cold weather too. Feeling very “covid mole” as another poster described herself the other day.
5:00 We head out for a walk, it was actually really good to get outside and get some fresh air. Come home and feed the kids dinner, do bedtime routine (bath, milk, stories) and feel much better. After we have dinner My husband watches a documentary on The Comedy Store, and I tool around a bit on ancestry.com.
Total: £34.75
Day 6 - Friday
8:00 Same morning routine, the sun is out this morning so that helps put me in a good mood.
10:00 Online workout, this time I do a free one on YouTube while the baby has his morning nap.
12:00 Pick up my daughter, on our return home we have two packages, our Cook Food delivery (£42.00 paid in advance) and a bottle of champagne from my husband’s company as a thank you.
1:30 Both kids are napping, my husband is out for a run, and I read a bit more of Rodham, I like Curtis Sittenfield a lot, really enjoyed American Wife which was based on Laura Bush, but somehow Rodham feels more invasive?
3:00 The sun is still out so we head down to the playground. My daughter currently only doing a half day at nursery because I wanted to be able to do things with her in the afternoon while I was on maternity leave. But due to Covid and everything being shut (museums, play spaces, playgroups, classes) I’m going to have her go full time earlier than we had planned. We stop by Gail’s bakery on the way home and get a Rose & Pistachio cake and a scone to all share £6
7:45 Kids are in bed and husband has been craving Thai food, so he goes out to pick up our order and buys some beers at the bottle shop (he pays, but this is £28). While he’s out I watch some millennial money videos.
8:30 Have dinner and watch King of Staten Island, which I was pleasantly surprised by. It was much more emotional than I thought it would be, I really enjoyed it. Love Marisa Tomei!
Total £6
Day 7 -Saturday
11:45 Even though it is really cold out, the sun is trying to come out, so we decide to walk to a park a bit further away. Head over and go to the playground. We were planning to stop for French Fries at 5 Guys on the way home, but because my daughter has an epic meltdown, (the trifecta of being cold, hungry and not taking a nap) so we don’t stop.
5:00 I add a few things to my Amazon cart, a splat mat to put under the high chair, and some workbooks to practice writing letters for my daughter. I probably won’t order until later next week, I’d like to have a few more items in there and nothing is a “must have”. We are out of milk so husband makes a quick trip, picks up milk and a bottle of wine (£9.30 but he pays)
8:00 Kids are in bed, dinner is in the oven, wine is being chilled… it really seems like a Sunday so happy to have another low key day tomorrow.
Total £0
Weekly Total: £266.05
Food & Drink: £159.34
Shopping: £67.48
Home & Health: £6
Other: £47.80
Reflections: This is a fairly typical week for our family. I’m not too surprised by the amount for the food section, because rather than a weekly shop we’ve had to push it to once every 10 days due to delivery demands. As I am now getting paid SMP rather than a full paycheck I’m trying to be really conscious of my spending and try to delay purchases that aren’t must haves, at least for the next few months. With the pound rallying against the dollar, (it’s currently $1.36 to £1) I’m going to take advantage and transfer money to my US accounts and really bulk up my savings.

/r/QOTSA Official Band of the Week 40: THE BEATLES, PART TWO

Welcome back! And welcome, everyone, to the 40th Official Band of the Week post! If this were a wedding anniversary, the traditional gift would be Ruby. As you and I are not married, and this is 40 weeks and not 40 years, I will instead content myself with fond memories of Pokemon Ruby.
My first advice for you as a reader this week would be to go back to read the Part One post. This write up continues where that one left off.
To recap: John Lennon had a shitty upbringing with bad parents and tragedy all around, and turned to music to cope. He started a band called The Quarrymen. Paul McCartney and George Harrison joined that band. Lennon’s friend Stuart Sutcliffe also joined but found it to be too much work and quit. Pete Best thought it was awesome and was happy to join.
Best, Lennon, McCartney, and Harrison cut their teeth playing nightly gigs in Hamburg and then later in Liverpool. The band, now called The Beatles, got tons of buzz, got a manager, got a record deal, and went into the studio. They fired the handsome Best and replaced him with this thing.
Lennon, McCartney, Harrison, and Starr proceeded to record seven hit albums and make some teen movies and became the biggest band in the world. Bigger, you might say, than a particular religious deity.
As we leave behind the month of Banuary and now enter Bebruary, our focus on bands with the letter B continues.
Thanks for sticking around! It is time for Part Two of THE BEATLES.
About Them
With Revolver, The Beatles had set a high-water mark in their recording careers. Many critics consider it to be the best album they would ever release.
How do you follow that up?
By doing something completely different.
The vast majority of Rock music, from the 1950’s to the present day, has been released on an album. These albums are typically between 40-80 minutes in length and contain a 7 or more songs. Fall below 40 minutes and 7 songs and you are in EP range; go above 80 minutes and you go into Double LP range. Most recordings lie somewhere in between.
The standard for songs was to put the best or most catchy ones as the first one or two tracks on either side, and to bury the rest of the tunes later on the record. This was in part because the popular songs would then be easier to play right at the start, and in part because the audio quality (particularly the bass) tended to deteriorate the closer you got to the middle of the vinyl album. So LP records ended up being some good songs with filler.
And most of these albums are just gatherings of songs -- basically, whatever ideas the band had for songs, all thrown together, and then pressed into vinyl (or released on Bandcamp or to Spotify or on 8-track or cassette...you get the idea). There is a whole long history of this separate from the current narrative, but suffice it to say that the album is to music what the book is to publishing: the accepted and standard form. To stretch this further, the album was like a collection of short stories, each one distinct and different from the rest. This really is still the case today. We live in a world dominated by the single track, with most of us picking and choosing our playlists of individual songs rather than playing through an entire album.
I’m sure you can see where this is going.
The boys thought and thought and wondered how to follow up Revolver. What followed shook the recording world to its core, and in particular sent other artists into a spiral.
The concept album.
What if the entire album was thematically linked, and there were no throwaway tracks? What if each song was like a movement in a symphony? What if each track was not a separate short story but a chapter in a larger novel?
And so, in 1967, we get to the absolutely groundbreaking album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Sure, there are some that might argue that The Beach Boys album Pet Sounds did it first. However, Brian Wilson famously had a nervous breakdown when he heard Strawberry Fields Forever, a song that was cut from Sgt. Pepper’s. He reportedly pulled over in his car, burst into tears and said, “They got there first”. So it is kinda tough to argue that The Beach Boys were the pioneers here when their own leader says they weren’t. And yes, you could argue that Frank Sinatra had done this before, as had Bing Crosby, and Nat “King” Cole, and a number of Country artists. Hell, a broad definition of what a concept album could be might even include a Christmas album.
But The Beatles did it with Rock and Roll.
Whole books have been written about Sgt. Pepper’s. There are conspiracy theories about the photos on the cover, which contributed to the long standing tinfoil hat wearing idea that Paul McCartney had died and was replaced by a lookalike. The cover of the album is a who’s who of important people in the 60’s.
The album revolves around the story of the fictional titular band and their experiences. From the very first tuning sounds that open the album to the haunting chord that ends A Day In The Life, it was unlike anything that had come before. So many innovative things happened on this record that they are tough to list. It was widely considered to be the soundtrack of The Summer of Love. It used orchestral music. It was mixed with multiple takes and sound effects. There were various musical styles, sometimes within the same song. It elevated Rock music to an art form.
Oh, and if the drug use was not open enough, it also had the song Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds.
The tour for Revolver had been disastrous. There were death threats in Japan, hate from Imelda Marcos fans in the Philippines, and John Lennon had shot his mouth off and was caught on a microphone saying that The Beatles were “more popular than Jesus”. He also met and started hanging out with a woman named Yoko Ono.
That one did not sit well with fans in the Bible Belt, and led to riots and record burning. The Jesus comment, not the Yoko thing.
So when the band spent months in the studio, expectations for Sgt. Pepper’s were high. Some wanted the band to succeed and others were (quite literally) praying for them to fail.
As it turns out Jesus is also a Beatles fan. Allegedly. Not sure if he was a Yoko fan though.
Sgt. Pepper’s won multiple Grammy awards, went to number one everywhere, and remains a cultural landmark in recording. Its influence cannot be overstated. Our very own QotSA famously did their own concept album in Songs For the Deaf, following the groundbreaking trail The Beatles had blazed.
The most interesting thing that happened, though, was that The Beatles flat out stopped touring. They just did not do it. They wanted to make music, and they wanted to do it in the studio. The Revolver tour was so terrible that they did not want a repeat of it, and the work on Sgt. Pepper’s was so amazing that they wanted to spend more time recording.
Just by way of comparison, Sgt. Pepper’s took The Beatles over 700 hours to record. Compare this with their first album - Please Please Me - which they reeled off in 13 hours.
Since the band refused to tour, the studio wanted to find a way to still ~~milk that cash cow~~ keep The Beatles relevant in popular culture. Immediately after their landmark concept album, they conceived of a made for TV movie. This would be called the Magical Mystery Tour.
It was awful.
Today, we mostly know the name from the song. The BBC TV movie was a series of vignettes and short sketches loosely connected about a group of people on a ‘mystery tour’ - essentially a bus trip where the destinations are a surprise. In this story, the tour members meet a group of ‘magicians’ (our heroes) who take the tour members on weird adventures.
There is a coordinated attack on a stuffed cow. There is an incomprehensible Drill Sergeant. There is a spaghetti incident. People watch strippers. The guests walk on tables. There was a sequence where the band were selling ice cream and lollipops. A man chases women around a pool. There was even footage from Dr. Strangelove for a flying sequence. Nothing made sense, and the public reaction was a resounding thumbs down.
You know how when you are high or drunk, certain things make total sense? Like, it was totally a good idea to call your ex and try to get back together? Magical Mystery Tour was like that. It made sense to the band when they made it, but when they saw the final product it was utter trash…just like my ex. After it aired McCartney went on TV to make a public apology for it. In fact, the reception was so poor that no one even bothered to keep the original negatives of the film.
The only good thing to come out the film was the EP of the same name, which had the title track and The Fool on the Hill and Hello Goodbye and the monster single All You Need is Love. That last song was actually released as part of a live TV event in the summer of 1967 and was absolutely huge for the band. It didn’t appear in the TV show but it was added to the soundtrack for later releases.
But what was on the album and on the TV show was the completely fucked up and drug induced track I Am the Walrus.
The track is a complete and utter drug trip, written by John under the influence of LSD. The Beatles were just trying to show that they could write absolutely anything and make it popular. Seriously, a Walrus? Egg men? Corn flake sitting? Lewis Carrol references? Lennon deliberately wrote the lyrics to confound and confuse scholars who were trying to analyze the band’s work. After he completed it he famously quipped, “Let the fuckers work that one out.”
And the drugs don't stop there. Just listen to Blue Jay Way, Flying, and the ever insane Strawberry Field Forever. If you’ve somehow never heard any of these, you’re in for a wild ride.
Yet all the same, contemporary critics were not impressed with the album. The TV film was a mess, and even though history has vindicated the soundtrack, it was largely panned at the time as well, due to how much critics hated the film.
Instead of doing something more in line with their fun and fluffy previous movies, the band doubled down on the drugs with Yellow Submarine. But in a kid-friendly kind of way. Sort of.
This animated film is set in Pepperland, which is a beautiful, peaceful and idyllic country that (clearly) needed to increase their military spending.
Pepperland is immediately overrun by the armies of The Blue Meanies, led by Venuz B Meanie, known as ‘His Blueness’ and his fierce weapon, the Dreadful Flying Glove.
Yeah, you read that right.
What is even weirder for you right now is that while this movie plot doesn’t make a lot of sense, it is way easier to follow than the lyrics in I am the Walrus, so you are just letting it go.
Basically, the film revolves around the journey of Young Fred, the last free person in Pepperland, to find and recruit The Beatles to journey back to Pepperland to help overthrow the Blue Meanies. This is accomplished, and the Meanies are then assimilated into Pepperland culture. In this process multiple Beatles songs, old and new, are worked into the script and performed. The band only appear at the end of the movie in a short live action sequence. The voices of their animated counterparts were provided by actors.
While the animation in the film looks rudimentary and was immediately out of date (for reference, The Flintstones, The Jetsons, and Scooby-Doo look more realistic and have better movement), the film was whimsical and fun and wayyyyyyy better than Magical Mystery Tour. In fact, the movie has had a lasting impact and continues to resonate today. If you don’t believe me, consider this: in Avengers: Endgame, Iron Man calls Nebula a Blue Meanie. Which is actually accurate, all things considered.
The soundtrack of the movie - including the new tracks All Together Now, Hey Bulldog, and Only a Northern Song - was released as the band’s tenth album. Also included on this release (since it was also in the movie) were Yellow Submarine (duh) and All You Need is Love (again). The flip side of the vinyl was all the orchestral numbers from the film. This became their tenth studio album, and was (essentially) a record to satisfy the studio rather than a true new effort.
If you are a Beatles nerd, you’ll notice that I have not yet mentioned their ninth album, and just referred to their tenth.
This is because it took a while to actually animate Yellow Submarine (though it in part looks like it was drawn by some talented 11 year olds as a school project). The live action bit at the end of the movie was recorded before the band famously went on a retreat to India and then went on to record The Beatles (which most people call the White Album ).
So after a disastrous Magical Mystery Tour and leaving the animators to spend almost a year completing Yellow Submarine, The Beatles decided that they wanted to go on a vacation.
Doesn’t a vacation sound nice? Remember when we could actually go and visit other exotic locations?
This vacation was not just to be a chance for the band to decompress - it was for them to go and take a three month course in guided meditation led by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in Rishikesh, India. The goal was to seek out Eastern wisdom and a new outlook on life. It was a deliberate attempt to achieve enlightenment and inner peace.
Have you ever gone on vacation with friends from work?
It rarely goes well. You learn a lot about your friends that you probably did not ever want to know, and they see you at your worst. Like, too much information kinda stuff.
This trip was worse than that.
To be fair, the upside of this trip to India was a prolific explosion of songwriting. The downside was the trip itself was a complete shit show, and the Maharishi totally hit on a number of the wives and girlfriends of the band. Ringo tapped out before two weeks had gone by. McCartney lasted a month, and Lennon and Harrison made it two months before they also quit.
The fact that they all went there together but left separately was a real indicator of not only how bad the retreat went, but of how the band members were growing apart. There had been some foreshadowing of this. When Pete Best was the most popular Beatle, he was turfed by the other three. Lennon especially had been jealous of Best’s growing fame in the group he had founded. If one takes a look at the Lennon/McCartney songwriting partnership, it is clear that the early Beatles records were dominated by Lennon. But McCartney’s incredible talent as a songwriter - as evidenced by Yesterday and Eleanor Rigby - was quickly growing to eclipse Lennon’s own. Many music critics have stated that the early Beatles were about Lennon, but the second half of their catalogue are about McCartney.
This was a huge problem for Lennon.
Plus Lennon was now dating Yoko Ono.
Ono was almost 10 years older than Lennon, and became the missing mother figure in his life.
Lennon had met Cynthia Powell at the Liverpool College of Art and had married her in 1962 when she got pregnant. His son Julian was born in 1963 and because The Beatles were touring, he did not see him for three days. Powell’s marriage to Lennon was kept secret so that Lennon could still attract young female fans. It is a matter of record that Lennon beat Cynthia. Remembering this behavior, Lennon said: “I used to be cruel to my woman, and physically - any woman. I was a hitter.” After coming home from a holiday, she found Lennon and Ono together in her home wearing bathrobes. Her marriage was over.
Lennon was barely involved in raising Julian, and remained distant and absent in his upbringing. Julian Lennon famously grew closer to Paul McCartney than to his own father. The elder Lennon spent years in the 1970’s focusing on his relationship with Ono and his other son rather than with Julian. In his will, John Lennon left his first born son almost nothing.
The other Beatles - especially McCartney - did not approve of Lennon’s behavior with his wife and son. This contributed to their dislike of Ono.
Ono was an avant garde artist in her own right, and had met Lennon at an art show in 1966. She had been married twice before she met Lennon. According to accounts, when they met, she had no idea who he was. But she soon learned he was a millionaire musician and wanted to sell him her art. She continued to reach out to him and Lennon grew more and more intrigued by her.
So there were deep divides in the band when they recorded the White Album, and those divides turned up in the music.
Conceived as a counterpart and opposite pole to Sgt. Pepper’s, The Beatles was a double album without any unifying theme. Sgt. Pepper’s had one central concept and an incredibly busy cover; The Beatles was a disparate and fractured double-LP with absolutely zero cover art. One album inspired Weezer and Metallica; the other did not.
Many of the songs on the White Album had been conceived and written in India. The tensions that had surfaced in India continued into the studio. For the first time, legendary producer George Martin grew so frustrated with the band during the recording sessions that he left and took a vacation. Ringo Starr flat out quit the band for two weeks during these sessions before the other members asked him back, leading McCartney to do the drumming on Back in the U.S.S.R and Dear Prudence. Lennon refused to collaborate with McCartney on songwriting at all, calling efforts like Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da “granny music shit”. Lennon also brought Ono to the recording sessions, which ticked everyone else off.
The band had started their own corporations and label - Apple - and the White Album was released on that new label. But instead of the album being a unified effort, it really ended up being a set of quasi-solo projects. The band members described the recording process as difficult and fractious, and the songs themselves were George with the Beatles, John with the Beatles, Paul with the Beatles. Also, Ringo was (sometimes) there.
Revolver and Sgt. Pepper’s may be their best albums, but The Beatles undoubtedly had some of their greatest songs. And it was clear that the best songs on the album were almost all McCartney songs. Back in the U.S.S.R, Blackbird, Helter Skelter, Why Don’t We Do It in the Road? and Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da were all immediately successful. Contrast these with Lennon’s efforts of Julia, Dear Prudence, Glass Onion, Sexy Sadie and Revolution. Only the latter song became a bona fide hit. Harrison even had a better song in While My Guitar Gently Weeps on the album than any of Lennon’s efforts.
But the best song that came out of these sessions, and maybe the greatest Beatles song of all time, did not even make the album. Released as a non-album single to promote Apple records in 1968, Hey Jude is perhaps the definitive Beatles song and, like Yesterday before it, is clearly a Paul McCartney tune. Even if you are not a fan of them you know this song. I honestly defy you to not sing along with the outro. The band themselves knew immediately how great it was, and released it with Revolution as a B-Side. Only Lennon dissented with that plan (which was not a shocker).
Hey Jude was an international number one hit. In a time of war and turmoil, it was interpreted as a plea for kindness and positivity. But the truth was that it was McCartney’s heartfelt message to young Julian Lennon - who would have been five years old at the time - about how, despite the fact that his father had ignored him, things would get better. And while that may not have ended up being strictly true for young ~~Jude~~ Julian, the message of hope struck a chord with audiences everywhere.
In an effort to try to mend some of the cracks in the band, Paul McCartney conceived of a film and album idea to capture some of the creative process. For the first time, the band entered the studio without producer George Martin, and turned to producer Phil Spector for the project. McCartney had wanted the band to tour again, but he was alone in this. He instead thought up the idea of filming the recording sessions and a live concert and putting it all together as a movie with a soundtrack. The working title of this project was Get Back. The band wrote a song of the same name to go with it. A photo shoot was done to mirror the cover of Please Please Me, and to show the change over time in the band while at the same time getting back to their roots. They brought in camera crews to document the process.
The band did their final public performance on January 30, 1969 on the roof of the studio, which was captured on film. But behind the scenes things completely fell apart and the band lapsed into angry lethargy. Harrison and Lennon allegedly got into a fistfight during the sessions. While a bunch of songs were recorded, the album and film project was left unfinished.
After this failure to produce an album, the band recognized that they needed George Martin to unify them. Martin agreed to produce another album with The Beatles provided that the band - and especially John Lennon - would do exactly what he told them to do, and be disciplined and professional.
The Beatles agreed.
The result was the album Abbey Road which, for some reason, has been canonically called their Gayest Album. I am really not sure why I am including this information but seeing as I saw this in my research, you now have to as well.
The cover of Abbey Road has the iconic photo of the four members of the band crossing the street. The photo has become a cultural touchstone and the site of it is now a common fan destination, with people going with friends to recreate the shot. It also reinforced the urban myth that Paul McCartney had died and was replaced by an imposter. Some interpreted the picture as Lennon, in white, being a Christ-like figure leading the others, with Ringo, in black, being an undertaker, followed by McCartney, barefoot, as a corpse, and Harrison, in denim, as the gravedigger.
To me, that seems like both a huge stretch and that someone had a ton of extra time on their hands to conceive of this kind of nonsense.
But others would point out that McCartney had a cigarette in his right hand - and he was left handed. They also said that the license plate of the car behind him, which read ‘28IF’, meant that McCartney would have been 28 if he had lived.
Again, a huge stretch. But this urban myth not only sold a lot of tinfoil, it contributed to the sales of the album. With tracks like Come Together, Something, Octopus’ Garden, Carry That Weight and Here Comes the Sun, it is loaded with Beatles classics. It even had an upbeat tune about a serial killer in Maxwell’s Silver Hammer. The 2nd half medley, capped off with The End, is a beautiful finale. But the cracks in the relationships were all still there. Lennon tried to insist that all of the songs that he had written on Abbey Road be on one side, almost as a Lennon EP. Martin refused. Lennon dismissed and derided McCartney’s work on the album.
Abbey Road would be the last time the Beatles would record together. In fact, six days before the album was released, Lennon formally quit the group. The Beatles were over. McCartney publicly declared that the band were no more in April of 1970.
The movie footage from Get Back and the songs recorded for it were the only unreleased material that the band had left. Phil Spector mixed and remixed the album a number of times before it was finally released, along with the film, under the name Let it Be. Even though people knew the band had broken up and were done, this was their swan song.
Released in May of 1970, it was not without controversy. Phil Spector added banter and chatter captured in the recording process, as well as orchestral parts and overdubs to a number of songs - most notably The Long and Winding Road. These additions did not sit well with McCartney. And while the album would win an Academy Award for the Best Original Score, McCartney would eventually release a revised version of the album called Let it Be...Naked with Spector’s additions removed. Two of Us and Across the Universe and Get Back and the (now) title track of Let it Be are Beatles classics that may have been born out of conflict, but are amazing songs nonetheless.
After the breakup of The Beatles, each of the members went on to have continued success in music. Harrison released solo albums, did a famous international concert for Bangladesh, personally funded and supported the Monty Python movie Life of Brian, formed and toured with The Traveling Wilburys, and survived being stabbed with a kitchen knife by a deranged fan in 1999. He died of cancer in 2001. He was 58.
John Lennon did much in his time after the Beatles. He and Yoko Ono would be married in 1969. They famously held peace protests and Bagisms and Bed-ins in support of anti-war efforts. His first solo song was Give Peace a Chance, which has become an anti-war anthem. Ono and Lennon had one son, Sean Lennon, in 1975. Lennon had a successful solo career and moved to New York City. He remained largely estranged from Paul McCartney for the rest of his life. He was murdered in New York in 1980, which created an outpouring of international grief.
Ringo Starr released a number of albums on his own in the 1970’s. His music was most notably done in collaborative efforts with other artists, including Quincy Jones, Maurice Gibb, Elton John and Marc Bolan. He even collaborated with Lennon and Ono’s Plastic Ono Band. After Lennon’s death, he collaborated with Harrison on All Those Years Ago as a tribute to Lennon. Through the 1990’s and into the 2000’s he toured with his All-Starr Band, a supergroup which at times included Tom Petty, Joe Walsh, and Jeff Lynne. He would play originals, Beatles tunes, and songs by other band members. He was knighted by Prince William in 2018. He is still alive today..
Immediately after The Beatles, Paul McCartney founded the band Wings, which became one of the most successful bands of the 1970’s, with seven platinum albums. With songs like Maybe I’m Amazed and Jet and Live and Let Die and Helen Wheels, he continued to top the charts for decades. His tours would include Beatles tunes as well as the new material, satisfying both sides of his fan base. He has collaborated with artists ranging from Dave Grohl to Michael Jackson. He was knighted in 1997 by Queen Elizabeth. He has an asteroid named after him. The guy is, to this day, a living music legend.
And he played a private concert for Josh.
Look, The Beatles are quite simply an amazing band that have influenced everyone. If you haven’t heard of them, I envy you - because you have so much to discover.
Enjoy!
Links to QOTSA
Check out the deep respect that Josh Homme has for George Harrison in this video where he is given the opportunity to play Harrison’s guitar. It is moving.
Josh Homme and Sir Paul McCartney both worked on the Dave Grohl project Sound City.
Apparently, McCartney was almost a member of Them Crooked Vultures - but learned from Dave Grohl that John Paul Jones already had the gig.
McCartney also went out of his way to play a show out in the desert for Josh and 300 fans. Imagine Sir Paul McCartney performing a show just for you. That is just amazing.
Their Music
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
A Day In The Life
Strawberry Fields Forever
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Magical Mystery Tour
I Am The Walrus
All You Need Is Love
All Together Now
Back In The U.S.S.R.
Blackbird
Helter Skelter
Revolution
While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Hey Jude
Get Back
Come Together
Maxwell’s Silver Hammer
The Long And Winding Road
Two Of Us
Let It Be
Show Them Some Love
/Beatles - a huge subreddit with over 125,000 members.
/TheBeatles - almost 26,000 members.
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The Beatles, Part One

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